@Mame,
Well mame, here's us two mean old cusses, going around upsetting the applecart.
Off subject (kinda), ever since I mentioned about being wary of the idea of adopted people contacting birth parents. I've had this TV segment going round and round in my head. It was on 20/20 or nightline or something.
Gracie, this isn't about you in particular.
Anyway, this young adult, in her 20's decided she needed to find her birth mother. I can't remember exactly, but I believe she found her, wrote or called her, and the birth mother said she did not want to meet her. She'd had the woman when she was quite young. She was now married, had children who didn't know this first baby existed. I guess her husband knew, but he would never bring it up. In other words, no one she dealt with now knew she'd had a child, and she'd just as soon keep it that way. The birth mother was probably glad this daughter was fine, but that was all.
This young woman wouldn't accept that, and persisted in trying to make contact. Now she had the camera crew with her. She actually went to this woman house, the camera crew filming, and she knocked and banged on the door. No answer (somehow it was known the woman was home). Well of course no answer. She sees cameramen out there, and she's already said she doesn't wih to get together with her daughter.
Here's the best (worst) part. The young woman proceeds to stand in front of the house, cameras rolling, where anyone walking by can hear, where neighbors could hear, and she starts yelling at the top of her lungs "MAME! MAME FROM CANDADA! PLEASE! PLEASE COME TALK TO ME! IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER CHAI TEA FROM TEXAS! I REALLY WANT TO TALK TO YOU MOM! PLEASE!"
I'm sitting there with my mouth hanging open thinking "holy ****"
So now, not only has this daughter who "has every right to meet my mother" let everyone within earshot know Mame has a kid no one knew about, it's gonna be on national TV. Basically, her children now know, friends, associates...everyone.
I thought is was so unfair that this poor woman had to have her present life invaded because someone thought they just had to know who their mother was.
Their mother and father are the people who took them into their family, cared for them every day of the year, fed clothed and loved them.
CJ, I know you're a smart woman, and if your daughters birth mother indicated she wanted no, or extrememly limited contact, i.e. meeting once for 5 minutes, just so your daughter could see what she looked like (better yet, if the woman chooses, she can just exchange photos).
However, where there is one person who has all these hopes pinned on something, they can make someone elses life a mess.
Speaking separately as to all this "we can't know" stuff. Well, it would be wise to approach meeting someone's birth mother, or Gracies mom, very delicately and with the willingness to back off at the slightest indication it's not welcome.
Gracie, I would hope for your sake your mother may want to meet with you. Sad to say, even though her leaving may not have anything to do with her 3 children, the fact is for whatever reason, she did leave. That's hard to hear, and I'm sure I'm pissing some adults off, but obviously something was going on that made it worth it for her not to be around.
Do you know if she has ever contacted your father about visitation?
I hope you know that now everytime I wanna talk or vent I'll be looking for you and I hope your okay with that! Haha! 
