I HAVE A CONFESSION!!

Great!

Did your mom go blind?

Yeah. I hope your right Momma CJ. Maybe she's just scared and worried like me. I don't hate her. I get mad about it sometimes but I'd still be happy to see her. And everyone says that she didn't leave because of us but I don't really think that's true. I mean, if it wasn't because of us then why did she leave us. If it was because of dad she could just broken up with him and stayed in our life. If it was just depression she would've loved us enough to stay with us and get help like the other moms that get depressed. It doesn't make sense. And dads a great guy. Why would she stop loving him and leave ? I dont get it.

Your daughters adopted? That's cool, my friend Leah's adopted too. So you probably get it alittle since your daughters adopted huh? But doesn't it bother you that she wants to find her birth mom. I mean, does it hurt your feelings? That's something else I've been afraid to talk to my dad about. He knows I think about my mom but he doesn't know that I wanna find her. I never told him because I don't wanna hurt him. My mom left him and I know that had to be hard on him and I think hes mad at her about it and that's why he doesn't wanna talk about it. So I don't want him to feel bad about me wanting to find my mom. Like, I know what she did was wrong and she hurt him but she's still
my mom and I think I should get a chance to know her. You get what I mean? Like, he's my dad and I love him a ton because he's always been here for me and he's awesome but I want a chance to get to know my mom and love her too. I want both my parents.

Hi chai! Do you really do the thing with the plastic tag thing too?! Or were you just teasing?

And, I know it's not the end of the world. I'm not trying to be whiny or anything. It's just that it sucks sometimes, not being able to do mother daughter stuff that I see my friends do with their moms. Ya know? It's not just the talking about that kinda stuff. It's everything. You and your sisters didn't talk to your mom about your period and everything. But you could have. She was there and I'm sure you talked to her about some stuff right? You know that your mom loves/loved you but I dont know that about my mom. For all I know she hates me and wishes I were never born. I mean, it's been 13 years, she's like 35 now. She's probably married with more kids by now and she's forgotten all about me and my sister and my brother. Maybe her new kids and husband are perfect and she loves them more than she loved us. IF she even loved us. Im probably being negative or pathetic or whatever but it's possible chai. She's probably moved on and it kinda hurts, ya know? That's what bothers me the most. Not just the fact I can't talk to her about girl stuff.

How'd you lose your 'abilities' Sturgis? I'm glad your better!

I'm not ready to confess yet, perhaps tomorrow

Gracie, one never knows what goes on in a relationship between 2 people and your mom and dad might have had an agreement, who knows! I am sure your dad is ready to talk about your mom once he feels you're old enough to understand.

It is the same with my daughter (we call her Jane here), when she's 18 years old she'll able to search for her birth mother, until then I think she's too young to understand certain things. No, I have no hurt feelings at all, I know Jane loves me and I always will be her mom, but I also understand that she wants to know about her birth parents and the circumstances why she was given up for adoption. I would want to know too, so it's only natural for Jane, and yes, I will help her - this is a big part of her life and I would not want her to do this in secret and not being able to talk to me about it, while thinking I do not approve. No, not at all! I don't feel threatened in her searching for her birth mother/father, on the contrary.

Life is not simply black or white, it comes in so many different shades and
we have to embrace that and adapt accordingly. You're still a bit young, Gracie - even though you're more mature than most 13 year olds - but when the time comes, your father will open up too! Trust me, your mom loves you, your sister and your brother - no question about it! Don't doubt that for a moment!

What do you mean they might have had an agreement? What kind of agreement? And I am old enough to understand. I'm a teenager. It's not like I'm 5 years old and I cant understand anything. I understand stuff just fine. Why should my dad get to decide when I'm ready? Its my life and my mom. If I wanna know he should tell me. I dont wanna wait another 5 years to know more about my mom. I wanna know now.

I think its really awesome that you'd help your daughter find her birth mom and that your okay with it. Your a good mom I bet. Jane's lucky! I dont know if my dad would feel the same way. I hope so, but Im not sure. And I hope your right about my mom too. Thanks, Momma CJ. Your really awesome and you made me feel alot better about this stuff. BUT, I think Im old enough to understand alot more than you and my dad think. You said yourself that Im mature for my age. I shouldnt have to wait until Im 18. That's not fair

Tomorrow? Promise?!

Well Gracie, maybe you should show your dad this thread here and open up
the communication with him. That's what I always stress with Jane - open up and talk to me, and she usually does, not always right away, but eventually

You know, communication is the key to every relationship you have - either with your siblings, your dad, and your friends. You've opened up here, so it should be fairly easy to talk to your dad. Tell him that it bothers you more than you let him to believe and that you would like to contact your mom.
If you sit down with him and start a mature discussion on this topic, he might cave in and tell you more about your mom.

Yea, maybe your right. I dont know though. I guess its not a bad idea but what if he gets mad that I talk about stuff like that here. He never likes to talk about this kinda stuff with anyone. Maybe he doesnt want me to either. I dont know. Plus, If he sees this he might read the beginning of the thread. Number 7 will get me grounded for life and number 10 might hurt his feelings.

Okay, don't show him this thread, but start talking to him about your mom.
Tell him about your feelings and your concerns. Just talk to him....of course pick a time that is suitable to him and not Monday morning during rush hour

Ok, That sounds like a better idea. Maybe it'll work and he'll actually tell me something. If not I'll keep trying.

Thanks a ton Momma CJ! I really mean it. I don't get to talk about this stuff a lot so its really nice that I could talk about it with you and a few other people on this thread. I really feel better about everything. I'm not that worried anymore. I mean, I am a little but not as much. Maybe your right and my mom does care about me and she's just nervous about coming back. Maybe when I find her she'll be happy to see me. You think so right?

Your a mom so you know how moms are and so your probably right. It was really nice to be able to vent and just talk about everything with you. I'm glad your my a2k mommy! LOL! You seem really nice and cool and smart and sweet. Maybe when I meet my mom someday, she'll be a lot like you. I hope so anyway.

Anyway, Thanks again! I wish I could give you a BIG HUG! Haha! Or like a thousand big hugs! Your the awesomest! Tell Jane I'm jealous! She has the coolest mom ever!

I've gotta do a few chores, finish some last minute homework and get ready for bed. Goodnight Mommy CJ!

Good night, sweetheart! Anytime you want to get something off your chest
you always can talk to me, and I am glad too that I can be your a2k mommy

Jane won't tell you that her mom is awesome - she has also chores to do and I am a semi-strict mom too! Well, not so much now as she's almost 16 years old, but when she was younger she complained endlessly about how
I am the most strictest mom in the world

Okay look - this has got me concerned. Email or pm me... seriously. You could be in for a major heartbreak. We always, always, always romanticize thing and if there's one thing I absolutely know it's that life is not romantic. So please, pm or email me for more details, hon.

Good idea Mame.

Gracie, it has me concerned that you want to believe a lot of things are true about other people, so you can make it true for yourself too.

Crossed wires in the brain, that's the simplest way to put it. Was part of the aftermath of other medical stuff.

Gracie, he was a poster here for a long time, then disappeared for a while due to (pretty serious I gather) medical issues, then when he returned his language was markedly different. I'm fascinated with this sort of thing (language, brain plasticity) and found his posts really interesting, how the meaning was clear but the language was... slanted. (Words were not put together in usual ways.)

The increase in facility with language was visible over time as he continued to post, and now he's right back to where he was pre-crossed-wires, as far as I can tell.

Okay Mame. I will.

Chai, I don't really get what you mean.

The operative word is "could", Mame.

It is my considered opinion that advice given to Gracie should be out in the open.