A friend of ours hit our child - what should we do?

@engineer,

Fear and impotent rage, would be my guess.

Couldn't go forward, couldn't go back, couldn't shove the boy off the log....

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@odessitka,

You also forgot the parts:

where you know that your kid was wrong

Where you spoke to your kid about being wrong

Where you apologized to your ex friend for your kid being wrong

where you have determined that another lesson in respecting ones elders in in order.

where you have determined that another lesson in not causing dangerous situations is in order.

Your story is also not consistent because you agree that the situation was tricky enough that there was only one way down and that you kid was preventing it but then you downplay the danger. Being stuck on a down tree is always more dangerous than being on the ground, especially if the tree is wet.

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@hawkeye10,

Since the point of the thread is to get advice on how to handle the ex-friend, and not on how to parent his/her own kid, most of that is pretty useless.

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@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

Since the point of the thread is to get advice on how to handle the ex-friend, and not on how to parent his/her own kid, most of that is pretty useless.

Owning your part of a situation that has gone bad is never useless, at the very least it is a learning opportunity. So far according to the OP neither kid, mother, or father have done anything wrong, it is all the other guys fault. This is extremely unlikely.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Regardless of what happened during this incident, it's still best that they part ways - even with the possibility of misunderstanding on their part.

However, there is a larger lesson here that are being missed; the incident itself, and how it was originally reported.

I agree with hawk that there are lessons to be learned beyond the friendship.

1 Reply

@cicerone imposter,

Quote:

Regardless of what happened during this incident, it's still best that they part ways - even with the possibility of misunderstanding on their part.

I believe pretty strongly that exiting relationships with honor requires in most cases an exit conversation, where both parties have the opportunity to speak, and the obligation to listen.

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@wayne,

wayne wrote:

Do what?

The description we got sounded like a move straight off of Monday Night Raw.
What a horrifying scenario. It's a wonder the kid survived.

Throw the boy on the ground and yell. The OP said the man had never done such a thing before in a long friendship, so it was obviously an unusual event.

I actually interpreted the description as "pushed the boy down from behind", what, in a footing of dirt, grass or sand, shouldnt even cause any lasting injuries. If the man did actually lift the boy of the ground and threw him down, its another story.

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@odessitka,

Quote:

I'm not a forum person,

I hope this hasn't spoiled your experience with forums to the point that you won't try again.
It may help to understand the dynamic at work in this venue.

Essentially, you presented your case to the court of public opinion when you posted to a public forum.
The response has been nothing other than might be expected when viewed as such.

This just isn't the same as writing a letter to Ann Landers, nor should it be.
Just take what works for you and leave the rest.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

I know my kid was wrong. I did talk to him right away after the incident while my husband was talking to the man. My son did apologize for his behaviour right after that. I didn't even think about mentioning it because it's just common sense. The tree was not wet. Did you also want to know where the other kids were standing at that precise moment, what the weather was, what kind of tree it was, the exact dimensions of the log, the weight and height of the man and my son, to calculate the force with which he threw him on the ground and possible damage?

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@cicerone imposter,

cicerone imposter wrote:

Adding other people's opinion about this incident isn't always helpful. We judge things by what each side says, how dependable they are when they speak, and their body language.

True. Nevertheless a third party may help save the friendship, if simple conversation between the two failed. When people are angry with someone they tend to be blind to arguments of the other party, even when they are valid, blindness that an impartial third party would not share and may help expose. But yeah, adding a third person is no guarantee of success.

1 Reply

@manored,

That may be true in some cases, but I don't in this one. It's because their perception of this incident will not change even with third party intervention.
IMHO.

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@hawkeye10,

I believe that once someone assaults your child, you have a pretty good understanding that the relationship is over....

I have no obligation to listen to an abuser.

1 Reply

@wayne,

wayne wrote:

Quote:
I'm not a forum person,

I hope this hasn't spoiled your experience with forums to the point that you won't try again.
It may help to understand the dynamic at work in this venue.

also

one of the things that makes forums enjoyable for people is that they can literally pick apart a subject to its very death and discuss, discuss and discuss. None of it is to be taken personally Smile

people enjoy all aspects and possibilities of a situation such as this one and every single angle you can possibly imagine, even involving alien intervention, will be discussed by many Smile

One of the best things about this is that people CAN in fact look at a subject from different angles, process, insert other ideas and it does not affect someones life. This is not a real legal court room so any silly idea will fly through here with out repercussion. You just have to remember that the above is the driving force behind the discussion and not an attack to you, your kids nor is it a place where you have to feel like you need to constantly defend yourself. It is a forward propelling conversation that will go on for a while.

Welcome to the forum by the way

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@odessitka,

and?

hawkeye has been branded rather.. abrasive .. so to speak in this forum. It is a title he has earned himself. So do not take a lot of what he says personally.
Sometimes he has great points. Other times not so much.

Do remember, we have all had our pecking order and have posted along side each other.... some.. for years. Watching the votes on a post is a good sign of who to pay attention to ( as in who is being honest and offering REAL advice) and who is just sticking their head in for nothing..

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

So far according to the OP neither kid, mother, or father have done anything wrong, it is all the other guys fault. This is extremely unlikely.

At the point where someone decides to take it to a physical assault, it is the other guy's fault. Being annoying, not obeying your parents, etc. is not against the law. Assaulting a child is against the law, and crosses a line that's pretty clear to most folks.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
Regardless of what happened during this incident, it's still best that they part ways - even with the possibility of misunderstanding on their part.
I believe pretty strongly that exiting relationships with honor requires in most cases an exit conversation, where both parties have the opportunity to speak, and the obligation to listen.

agree.

In THIS case, the man HAD his chance to speak. he choose to push a kid down. Now, its her turn... and all she has to do is tell him to f-off frankly. She does not really have to tell WHY. From the sounds of it, he already knows. Smile

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@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

hawkeye10 wrote:
So far according to the OP neither kid, mother, or father have done anything wrong, it is all the other guys fault. This is extremely unlikely.

At the point where someone decides to take it to a physical assault, it is the other guy's fault. Being annoying, not obeying your parents, etc. is not against the law. Assaulting a child is against the law, and crosses a line that's pretty clear to most folks.

I am not sure of that. I have heard of physical assault cases where the judge dismissed the case because provocation had been shown, even though the provocation was non-physical.

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I believe legal issues are beyond the scope of this thread. As we (should) well know, the same sort of incident, if it became legal, can go either way.

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@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

I believe that once someone assaults your child, you have a pretty good understanding that the relationship is over....

I have no obligation to listen to an abuser.

I agree! Why would you want to stay friends with someone that has assaulted your child?

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@wandeljw,

Examples?

And were they for a 38-year old man assaulting an 11-year old boy?

1 Reply

A friend of ours hit our child - what should we do?

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