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Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships

 
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 11:58 pm
@vikorr,
Quote:
Your understanding of the mindset that allows domestic violence to devlop is sorely lacking Hawkeye...some do eventually choose the victim path, and some even start out that way...but those are only part of the group of women subject to violence
Wow, that was interesting...first you say that I dont know anything and then you tell me that I am right.
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 12:01 am
@hawkeye10,
Perhaps your understanding of English is lacking then. For you missed on the first part, got it only partly right on the second part, and yet still missed the overall problem.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 12:08 am
@vikorr,
vikorr wrote:

Perhaps your understanding of English is lacking then. For you missed on the first part, got it only partly right on the second part, and yet still missed the overall problem.
What am I to do with the first part? You are talking about your experience, but your experience is your experience not mine. My opinions are based upon my experience.
vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 12:17 am
@hawkeye10,
This is one of my points. You say things like that is the way they are, apparently ignoring or ignorant of the many instances that are not the way you have experienced them.

That said - given your circumstances, I can understand many of your beliefs - yet many of them don't relate to the 'general' field of discussion, but rather to a specific part of the general field.

Making generalised statements about specific instances often causes communication problems. And in something as problematic as domestic violence, it's best to qualify comments.
BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 12:35 am
@Mame,
Quote:
Sigh. We've been saying that for years. Rdp - do not bother with these two anymore, they're no different than your husband - men with twisted thinking. They're not worth the time or space, really. You see that most of us don't engage with them and their weird thinking... and they do this to pretty near every thread they're on.


Strange I am married to a woman who would never allow me to abused her more then once before leaving me forever and I did not picked such a woman as Rdp who is so sick she allow herself to be abused for years and even added children to the mixed.

She an adult and as such she picked this man and then she stay with him and have children with him and without a willing co-partner he could not had acted the way he did more then once.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 12:38 am
@vikorr,
Quote:
This is one of my points. You say things like that is the way they are, apparently ignoring or ignorant of the many instances that are not the way you have experienced them.
I was adding one point to many other points that others had added, and you agree that my point is valid.....what exactly is your damage?

If you actually work with people from an abuse background then you know damn well that there are a lot of people like me, those who are the opposite of the victims, those who tell anyone they find in a difficult situation "what ever you do dont be a victim, know who you are and what you want and then do it, but dont whine, and dont blame other people for what you do".
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 05:12 am
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
and you agree that my point is valid.....what exactly is your damage?
Personal responsibility, and making the best of your life.

By the way - you are interpreting it differently to what I am saying – that your point is valid in certain circumstances, not in others...but that you speak like it is valid in all circumstances.

Quote:
If you actually work with people from an abuse background then you know damn well that there are a lot of people like me, those who are the opposite of the victims, those who tell anyone they find in a difficult situation "what ever you do dont be a victim, know who you are and what you want and then do it, but dont whine, and dont blame other people for what you do"

No Hawkeye – what you said is a very unusual thing to say for anyone in an ongoing domestically violent situation (And are you in a domestically violent relationship?).

The concept of personal responsibility is lost on most people in perpetual conflict (not enitrely certain you are saying that - it seems more like 'don't whine when you contribute').

Most men in ongoing domestic violence situations say ‘she made me do it’. Many women in truly violent situations walk very quietly for fear of violence, and then have outbursts before getting beaten. Many women are as bad as the men (both in 'justification' and in verbal behaviour), goading them verbally until the situation becomes violent. Some women are violent towards the men. Some women are attracted to abusers, going from one violent relationship to the next. Some women find themselves in violent relationships without ever understanding how they got there.
0 Replies
 
Rdp12209
 
  2  
Reply Sun 29 May, 2011 06:35 am
@hawkeye10,
You have posted on 1,890 pages according to your profile. No time to read all of them but...Mame's statement was correct- I checked. Good luck everyone! Smile
0 Replies
 
Kathryn Lee Crowe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Aug, 2013 12:36 pm
@PUNKEY,
Survival and coping strategies taint our perception in adulthood – they have us feeling sorry for another, even when they have caused us great harm. The sympathetic feelings we give to someone else is often triggered by our own (discarded) sense of fragility. This reflex is automatic if you’ve been with someone who is personality disordered.
Rather than feel your anguish and licking fresh wounds, you will find ways to forgive (but you are constantly obsessing and can’t forget)
This person is not necessarily the most good-looking or brilliant in your dating history, yet your obsession with this one has you trapped in maddening confusion. This is our clue about early childhood experiences which is uncannily being duplicated in this dynamic
Every child is in love with their parents. They see that parent as God who is entrusted with their care and protection. When this god is rageful, critical, abuse or ignores them, it frightening and confusing to a small child which forces her to split off the dangerous, injurious parts of mother or father in order to remain attached.
A child does not automatically stop loving a parent when they are crazy or cruel. What she does instead is compartmentalize or box up those bad behaviours and divorce them from the parent so that they can remain in love with Mom and dad. That is exactly what we do with our abusers.
Every woman who stays with an abuser has learned to discard or shutdown various emotions since early childhood, and this has left them unable to distinguish between healthy endeavours and harmful ones
The abuser re-awakens intensely positive or negative emotions – but one thing we are sure of is that we’re feeling…
0 Replies
 
 

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