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Abusive-Verbal/Mental/Physical - Please help me!!

 
 
Sycorax
 
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 10:42 am
I'll try to sum my whole story up...please bear with me... I will start by saying I'm 24 she is 21, I met my wife 4 years ago we lived in different states at the time and I saved money and came to go live with her.(In FL) Things where great for awhile then we had a few fights nothing serious. Then one time during a fight she slapped me in the face hard. at the time I didn't think much of it and just went with it. As time went on it started to get worse she would start fights with me for no reason, Then blame me for not solving it when I even tell her "I don't know what you want from me" And she goes on telling me how stupid I'm for not knowing when I automatically should just "Know" what to do and how to fix it every time she is mad.

She also did this with anything I didn't understand if she was trying to explain something and I simply did not get it she gets reallly mad and says "Omg how stupid can you get!?". Long story short, She kept being more and move violent as time went on. She kept the violence up, slap would turn into a hit then it turned into kicking me in the chest when I was sleeping or kicking me in my rib cage hard, forcing me out of the bed in the middle of the night. I even told her once please stop I have to work in the morning! her reply? "I don't care!" She cares about nothing it seems. She even stopped me from going to work once stole my keys and would not let me leave. So as time went on she kept kicking me and hurting me and scraping my arms up making them bleed, ripping my shirts/pants anything she can get her hands on. She also would not leave me alone about being married BEFORE HER. She kept driving me nuts about my ex wife. She wanted someone who was never married before yet holds a grudge over me because of what I did in my past. It's not fair. Her reply? "Well I was not stupid and didn't get married"

Anyway, she is controlling also. Blocked and deleted tons of my friends on my facebook because "She didn't like them" (and they where girls) and apparently she was jealous and simply deleted them. Anyway, she always loved to ACT like she was kicking me out then after ALL my stuff was packed she changes her mind. She loved the drama it seems. She also broke one of my computers in the process of "Trying to make me leave" yet to this day refuses to admit it, because one time I refused to leave because I always know the outcome she fakes it until I'm finished packing. If I don't do ANYTHING she does not approve of I get hit beaten and my computers broken. And this one time we had a fight and she kicked me out of the room and knowing the drill I just start walking to the couch she didn't like that, apparently she wanted me to beg her to let me in and show her all the attention so sure enough she comes out and grabs the metal heavy TV turner and hits me in the back of the head with it as I was walking away..Knocking me out..I wake up 1hr later on the floor. She is no where to be found out front, Sure enough she was in the room.

Didn't even care she knocked me out, I asked her did you even know?? She was like I thought you where just faking it. I didn't mean to knock you out. It's like wtf??? After hitting the floor my head next to my hear made a weird clicking sound and I would press it once in awhile and be worried and she was so pissed that I was worried about it and called me names etc yet it was HER DOING ugh. Anyway, So I found a way to escape (By the way during this time we where not married yet) I escaped and I took my computers with me and flew back to California when she left the house. (Only way to leave without getting killed). (Was in FL at this time with her) Anyway, Once I get to CA I find out shes so upset and was extremely sad that I left and was so sorry oh yea another thing she NEVER EVER would say sorry for how she treated me. So another long story short. I take her back believing her and under the conditions of her NEVER being abusive again and to leave my ex wife OUT of our relationship.

She agreed and said she didn't care about my ex anymore and just wanted to be with me. And stupid me still loving her gave her a 2nd chance. I made it very clear I do not want any violence! She understood. So she flew to CA to be with me. At first things went well, she did not lash out and she controlled herself, Then she started acting up again. Creating her "No-win" fights. Then she threw hot-coco on me. Then started to go right back to the psycho bitch she used to be. Ripping my clothes. Not caring about anything. Even when I would push her back away from me just to protect myself. She took that as "Fighting back" and would come at me with even more hate and force...After 2 more years of dealing with that bullshit I finally said I had it because of this one day..because she knows I have back issues. I broke my spine years ago in a motocross crash and it never fully healed and I have rib cage issues and muscle spasms etc. During one fight she kicked me in my ribs not caring about how it could hurt me and then she got me on the floor and jabb's her knee into my chest trying to hurt me... Also it's hard for me to hold a job that has to do with physical stuff Lifting etc. And she always made fun of me because of that. And always said "I'm not a man" Shes the "Man" in the relationship.

Anyway, One day I finally got a job but of course it was a warehouse job. So I knew I could not do it for long with my spine being how it is. But I did it anyway because we where poor living with my mother at the time. (When we where in FL I was living with her parents too) Anyway, I went to work and I knew right away I could not do it for long. Seeing how it would require heavy lifting and bending. I tried my best for a few days. Then I forgot what the fight was about we had so many but I remember her telling me on my way out the door "I hope you fall and break your neck! You pussy!" Right then I knew I did not want that kind of life. Plus that very day was the day I had to quit the job I was in so much pain, I was so scared to tell her because I knew what would be waiting for me once I did. That is not how its suppose to be! Also as a side note here. She has never in her life "supported me" Like said Don't worry babe we'll get through this! Or anything of that sort. She has NEVER supported me or re-assured me of anything. And she says she never will ether. Yet she expects to receive it from me in full. I even said not fair..She says "I don't care" So anyway, I went to my mothers work to tell her I wanted her gone. (The same day I quit my job) Because If I told her myself she would refuse to leave and bla bla and probably try to kill me, I didn't want to deal with it at all so I asked my mother to tell her to go once she got home.

Because they don't get along and she trys to act "perfect" around my mother. (Kiss ass) and she would not hit me or break my **** with my mother watching. So that is why I asked her to ask her to leave. Anyway, She did so and it went ok for the most part but another thing I want to add about her is that she LOVES revenge. She would give her LIFE to get revenge on someone who hurts her. So at any cost she wants revenge that is why she breaks my PC, or does her **** I'm guessing. Anyway, She called a taxi and she had some family in CA some 100 miles away and went to stay with them until her mom could bring her back to FL. And so she ended up leaving the next morning. Yet after all the HELL she has put me through I felt SO bad for making her leave! It tore me up inside! I hated myself for it. I told her I was sorry and I still loved her and everything. Slowly we got back together again. But this time to prove that I was sorry I guess she forced me to buy a wedding ring for her. And she "Didn't want to hate it" So she wanted to pick it out for herself. Yet she ended up making fun of me and giving me **** for that too. Sigh. Moving on, I get her the stupid ring after slaving my ass off in a job I could not work because of my spine. Yet she only cares about the ring. And long story short 2 months later I pack everything my car and I leave to her aunts house to be with her. The plan was her mother would come here to CA and we would live in CA.

I thought that was alright because if ANYTHING happened again I would just leave and be right in CA and would be easy. But things didn't go according to plan, Things happened so fast we ended up getting married in Las Vegas and then I ended up in Michigan working in a job I had no choice at. Because her mothers bf had something setup there. Sure enough that did not work out and they wanted to move to NY. I was cool with it she has not had a outlash in awhile. And I have a friend there if **** hit he fan. But then they changed their mind at the last second and we drove to FL.......Because her mothers bf had a job here already lined up for himself. So here Iam in FL again. Typing this at work because I'm being monitored on everything Email, IM, accounts. She is paranoid I'm cheating on her or talking behind her back. And yes things are as worse as they where before in FL. She hits me a lot more now. And when she gets the feeling I plan on leaving, She refuses to let me go.

For example. Her mom wanted her to go to the store with her I said I didn't wanna go. So she says No you ARE going. Get your things you are leaving with us. I was like I'm really tired I don't wanna go. So she trys to get my wallet from my back pocket and I try to stop her (Non-Violent way just moving her hands) And she starts beating me hitting my head and scraping my arms with her nails until I let her take it. Then once she has my wallet she leaves. Knowing I can only leave with my ID. She has done that more than once since I've been back. I have not been back for a year yet and I want to get out so badly. Just the other day we had a simple fight. By the way she is Mexican and so is her family, I don't speak Spanish and they all do. So you can imagine how uncomfortable everything is. She always tells me they talk **** about me. Yet I would not know, anyway she told me "My mom and them thought you where taking advantage of me" I was like what? How? She was like "I don't know like a typical American just wanting a house over your head and not do anything?" I was like what? So I'm a typical American now? And she FLIPPED thinking I was mad at HER when I was just pissed at them. And I even told her that but she said "I was taking it out on her" Yet I was not, She expects to tell me this **** yet not have me respond in anyway that she does not like.

Also when I want to solve something for the sake of my own sanity I try hard. I say I'm sorry or I understand or I care about her or anything like that. She will say "I don't care! I do not care about your feelings or what you think!" She will say this a lot. Even add in there she hates me and wants to have sex with other guys. Even said once she had a dream of doing it with other men. Yet she expect me to have ZERO emotion when she says these things. If I do have emotion she flips out and hits me, If I DON'T show emotion. She says "See you don't care!" or "Stop ignoring me!" So ether way it is a No-Win. No matter what I do. I have to walk on eggshells ALL THE TIME. One day she can be so sweet and loving and tell me she loves me so much, The next day she hates my guts and is beating the **** out of me, Calling me names, Stupid,Pussy,Idiot or calling me "Soo stupid" All the time. I don't know what to do! I feel numb some times! My brain just shuts down it seems! I start to lose breath I get a bad headache. And even if I show any SIGNS of "uncomfortableness" She is in bitch-mode and starts her abuse. Even when she scrapes my arms or hits me in the head with her fist and I look at my arms or hold my eye because it hurts. She calls me a "pussy". "Why are you looking at it you pussy!?" She even told me once she wants a "Man" that will take her beating the **** out of him and just stand there and do NOTHING. And deal with it. I honestly think she is mentally ill. I finally found a computer / desk job and I love it. I hate to leave it but I have no friends here no where to go / stay. I hate the idea of having to go home after work I hate having to see her. I hate the thought that at any moment she can go off and hit me for no reason.

Also she says this a lot too "If you change I change" Yet once again that is a No-Win. I can't change because I'm not doing anything wrong. She just wants a excuse to hit me and get away with it. There are some things like I promised I won't say "I don't wanna fight" That instantly pisses her off for some reason. When in all honesty I just really don't wanna fight! When I "Break" that promise she "Breaks" hers and starts hitting me and being violent. The pattern is never ending. Iam so tired of being treated like this I don't know what to do. I want to leave but I can't just come to her like an adult and say this is not working I want to leave. And actually have her let me leave with my stuff in one piece and without hitting me or stealing my wallet. She even told me once and made fun of me for it. "I only make fun of you because you are a pussy for leaving when I'm not home or out of the house" Yet honestly I only do it then because I know she won't steal my **** or make it harder then it has to be. I said that too.

I said you make it harder and create bullshit for no reason when I want to leave. And her non-childish reply was "Why would I make it easier for you? I want it to be the hardest thing ever" Right then I knew I was never able to leave with her right there. I still love her and I want a future with her but I honestly do not see it happening when she will always result into violence no matter what.. Is something wrong with me? (Stockholm syndrome) or something?... And in closing this I want to add that there are tons and tons of more fights I have not listed here and yes 95% of them being violent and abusive. A lot of them being about something so small and stupid and she turns it into a nuke. I am starting to think It's time to call this off for good, seems like to much bad has happened. Also when shes mad at me she takes my money / check and says "you are not getting any of it". It's like shes a 10 yr old child..

Everything we do together seems like a battle, Going shopping, going anywhere, playing online games together, No matter what it is she always has to find something to bitch and complain about and make it my fault and that I should "fix" whatever it is it seems..Sigh...Also I want to add she threatens me CONSTANTLY when shes in that mode "You'll stop that or else you'll get a black eye" "You won't do that again unless you want to get hit" I am so sick of that!..So Anyway here Iam typing this in order to get some help to see what I should do and I just wanted to tell someone. Thank you for the people that took the time to read this!
 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 11:02 am
I only had to read the first paragraph.

There is no shame whatsoever in packing up and getting outta Dodge.

You do not have to live this way.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 11:41 am
@jespah,
You should have left Dodge long ago. What are you waiting for?
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 11:45 am
@Sycorax,
Quote:
So Anyway here Iam typing this in order to get some help to see what I should do
If you actually need us to tell you what to do, then you are not very bright. Leave her.

Easiest advice I've ever given.
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 12:01 pm
@CoastalRat,
Not really "what I should do" More of just like feedback...As I said I have no one to talk to this about so I'm just wanting some feedback. Thank you for your input.
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 12:18 pm
@Sycorax,
1) Leave her as soon as you possibly can.

2) If you can't leave immediately, don't put up with any of it. Next time she shouts at you, tell her to go get screwed by a monkey or whatever comes to mind; if she shout all the time, get yourself a ipod, a pair of headphones and play your favorite band on it at full volume at all times; and if she slaps you, slap her back without even giving it a thought. No surrender.

3) Once you left her, try to find another partner who would NOT be an abuser. Some men tend to like the "hysteric bitchy type" just like some women tend to like the "bad boy type".
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 12:36 pm
@Olivier5,
I think the dynamics of when a woman sticks with an abusive boyfriend or husband are based on other issues; most of the time, they have nowhere else to go.
Olivier5
 
  2  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 12:47 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Men too, sometimes. E.g. when the wife works and earns a good living while the husband doesn't, or earns little compared to her. These situations are still rare but they develop over time and soon, it will happen quite often. Men need to learn to accept that sometimes they will not be the main bread-winners, but they don't need to put up with any abuse.

I think it's not just about not having somewhere to go. There's also a form of emotional dependency explaining why some of these relationships last longer than they should, as well as shame. And men can become just as emotionally dependent and shameful as women. A man abused by his wife will never go see the police for instance: too humiliating.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 01:22 pm
@Olivier5,
I think it's more common amongst women over men, and bodily injury of women far exceeds that of men.

However, I'm willing to concede that different studies show different outcomes.
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 01:24 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Of course, although it may change.
0 Replies
 
coluber2001
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 01:48 pm
If you can possible afford it seek therapy from a qualified psychologist at once. People will protest and say that the abuser should seek therapy, but you can't do anything about that. Your therapy will allow you to see why you seek abusive women in the first place, and why, should you leave this woman, you will unconsciously find another abuser. Only therapy can break the cycle.
Sycorax
 
  0  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:16 pm
@coluber2001,
I don't always get with abusive women. I have had many girlfriends and a wife before her. NONE of them turned out to be a abuser none of them even came close.
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:19 pm
@Sycorax,
Since you seem to know what you need to do, uh, why aren't you doing it? It need not be this second but, seriously, what the hell is in it for you to stay?
cicerone imposter
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:23 pm
@jespah,
Maybe, he enjoys the abuse. Evil or Very Mad
0 Replies
 
Sycorax
 
  0  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:27 pm
@jespah,
You are right there is nothing. I just wanted to make sure I was making the right choice and I know I am now, It's just hard for me to make. But I know it must be done...I will have to wait until I have a chance to drop her ass off at a store then pull the "Gotta go the bathroom" card. Then leave her ass there so I can pack and leave in peace...
Ragman
 
  0  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:35 pm
@Sycorax,
Seriously? that's your answer?

Suddenly, based on the advice of some Internet strangers words, you're now going to reverse all of this emotional abuse..and leave her on the curb?

Quote:
As I said I have no one to talk to this about ...

Frankly, talking to a therapist never occurred to you?

Do you take us all for fools?
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:37 pm
@Sycorax,
Maybe make it longer than that. How 'bout taking her to her mother's?
Sycorax
 
  0  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:37 pm
@Ragman,
Uh was I suppose to add something else? I do know what needs to be done. I just need to do it at the right time...
0 Replies
 
Sycorax
 
  0  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:39 pm
@jespah,
I can't talk to her mother she speaks spanish I don't. The conversation won't last very long we would both just end up confused. I tried that trust me. What I do know is she believes her daughter can do no wrong..
Sycorax
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Nov, 2014 02:46 pm
@Ragman,
I don't think you understand how sick iam of her actions. I simply wanted to talk to others about my situation. You don't have to believe I will do what I say I will, All that matters is that everyones post here has helped in my choice. Simple as that. And no I can NOT talk to anyone about this. She monitors my every move. Only way I am talking to you guys now is because I am AT WORK.
 

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