10
   

Why Women Stay in Abusive Relationships

 
 
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 10:52 am
@Dosed,
Dear heart my degree is in engineering a degree that did allowed me to make a wonderful living with just a four year degree for 33 years.

We are all hoping you can get into the master/PhD program as otherwise good luck in earning a living with your two degrees. Drunk
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 10:54 am
@Dosed,
Quote:
If you can present to me a valid source (like, peer reviewed. perhaps from a scholarly journal--you know, the kinds of articles that students are assigned to read in universities) that shows your arguments


Go to the thread label "can a woman ask to be rape" or a very similar title and you will find all the valid sources your little heart could desire.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 10:55 am
@BillRM,
Try answering msOlga's questions with an answer instead of a question.

You're not making any kind of persuasive argument for the position you appear to hold by refusing to answer direct questions. Don't bother saying it's just this one example. I've been reading thread-fulls of this behaviour by you and your companion poster.
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 12:03 pm
@ehBeth,
I just bet you do not wish to address the unneeded harm being done to families not by abuse but by the criminal justice system approach to charges of abuse.

Force de facto divorces against the strong wishes of both parties just to start with.

A charge not supported by the wife alone will keep a family apart for months on end and likely bankrupt them beside fighting it.

Take a good idea of being forceful in stopping family abused and go to such extremes you are doing more harm then good and helping to destroy families where there is no abuse.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 12:24 pm
@ehBeth,
This is the kind of nonsense that is happening with a likely no-contact order in affect that neither of the two parties wish for that may take months to get rid of.

That is unless he just plea guilty so he can be with his wife and family.

No that is not a likely outcome for Cage but for an everyday man who the courts are holding his family hostage it is indeed a hell of a pressure to admit to abuse that never happen.

------------------------------------------------------


MONTREAL - The Nic Cage story keeps getting better.

You heard, surely, that he got knee-walkin’ drunk in New Orleans and got arrested in the wee hours of Friday. But there’s more to it, starting when he enters a tattoo parlour with two other guys and his wife, Alice Kim. He’s carrying a go-cup, because at that hour a man really needs one more sazerac.

The videotape (on TMZ.com) is silent, but you can see she’s trying to get him out of there, and she does.

Later, he and Alice got to arguing, on the sidewalk, about whether or not they lived in the apartment house in front of which they were standing. (That drunk.)

He grabbed her arm. She got upset. A cabbie called the cops. They arrived. Cage started punching cars. He dared the cops to arrest him. Surprise: they did!



Read more: http://www.montrealgazette.com/entertainment/Camilli+Cage+reality+Bounty+Hunter+posts+bail/4636921/story.html#ixzz1JzhwrZJB
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -3  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 12:54 pm
Let sum this up the government is going down the road of not allowing women to stay in any relationship that the government had label as abusive.

Women no longer can be trusted to have the rights to picked their partners and the state in even starting to claim the right to force de facto divorces

We need to treat women as children for their own benefits.

hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 01:21 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
We need to treat women as children for their own benefits.
As part of the bigger theme that our government has decided that is has both the right and the moral obligation to protect us from ourselves to the point that is has the right and obligation to impose a police state to prevent us from doing what it does not want.

"America, home of the free" has been turned on its ear by a government that appears to be so corrupt that is willing to act is a way that is the exact opposite of the reason the whole damn nation was started. Substantially what is the difference between the dictates that came from London in 1773 and the dictates that come from Washington in 2011?? I dont see a lot of daylight between them.

It is time for another revolution, this time to free ourselves from the oppression of a federal government which has become corrupt and which has upsurped its authority.
0 Replies
 
Rdp12209
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 05:07 pm
@chai2,
This is the only post that is it even reasonable regarding the truth of why women stay. In reading it- I can tell you that either the author or someone the author is close to is an ACTUAL victim of domestic violence. I know this because I am one, too. There are many reasons why we stay - I stayed 7 years. I have been out of it with my young children for 3 weeks now. I am a stay at home mom. I am educated and currently working on my masters degree. In part, I stayed because I didn't have the financial means to leave, and was 100% financially dependent on my husband. He took my credit cards and limited my access to our bank accounts. I had to skim cash here and there and saved it in envelope in a safety deposit box. I also had to find the courage to TELL SOMEONE. It doesn't come up in normal conversation. I stayed home when my eyes were blackened or my lip was split open, I maintained a very happy appearance, I tried to be affectionate with my husband when people were around, and ... to top it all off --my husband is a well-known and successful doctor in our town. Telling someone was the single, most difficult thing that I have ever had to do. Telling someone requires trusting someone. Telling someone is humiliating. Telling someone is admitting how little I think of myself. Telling someone means I am not "normal," I am victim or a battered woman. Telling someone is a reminder that, although I protected my children from him, they saw him beat me until I was bloody and couldn't pick myself up off of the floor. Violence begets violence. And finally, telling someone can escalate the violence, and it is already horrible enough. I hid it from my children the best I could - they are ages 3 and 4. Like I said, I had many reasons to stay, but two important people to leave for ( and stay alive for). My husband beat me horribly in front of them 3 weeks ago. He went to jail that night for the first time. The chapter with my husband has ended but it took 7 years for it to occur. I am attending a victim of domestic violence education class and found a psychologist for therapy. Domestic violence is a cycle and a trap. If I go back- there is no doubt in my mind that my husband will kill me and then himself.

To a few of the people who posted here... Some of your opinions are ridiculous, midguided, dangerous, and condescending. If your opinion is just an opinion- on a topic this serious- keep it to yourself. By minimizing our situation, your 'little' opinion, when read by someone who is DESPERATE to find some post, article, story, blog, anything to give them tiny jolt of confidence, is incredibly painful and defeating.... to say the least. We turn the computer off, resume what we were doing before, and the 'fog' and depression returns. And then we erase the internet history, temporary Internet files, and cache because the fear of being caught is back, too.

In closing, if you don't have a personal experience in the topic or are unable to contribute something positive, helpful, insightful, or encouraging.... think before you hit the reply button.
Rdp12209
 
  3  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 05:20 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM-You are a sick man in desperate need of education, therapy, and a 12 step meeting.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 05:51 pm
@Rdp12209,
Good luck in the future. It sounds like you're getting it together.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 06:00 pm
@Rdp12209,
Quote:
To a few of the people who posted here... Some of your opinions are ridiculous, midguided, dangerous, and condescending. If your opinion is just an opinion- on a topic this serious- keep it to yourself. By minimizing our situation, your 'little' opinion, when read by someone who is DESPERATE to find some post, article, story, blog, anything to give them tiny jolt of confidence, is incredibly painful and defeating.... to say the least. We turn the computer off, resume what we were doing before, and the 'fog' and depression returns. And then we erase the internet history, temporary Internet files, and cache because the fear of being caught is back, too.
No, you run your life and your mouth, and I will run mine. Watch out, you are a perfect candidate to be a previous victim who becomes an abuser, which hopefully your new group of pals has informed you is a big part of the victim/abuser cycle, but of which I doubt has happened. The full truth is like kryptonite to that bunch....
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 06:24 pm
@Rdp12209,
Quote:
BillRM-You are a sick man in desperate need of education, therapy, and a 12 step meeting. I


]n my opinion you are the one who is sick and in as must need of help as your husband.

Let see you put up with this nonsense for seven years and had kids with him beside because by your story the kids came along years after you was aware that he was an abuser.

You could had ended this 7 years ago by picking up a damn phone long before you brought children by him into the world to share this environment!!! Your given reasons for not doing so are nonsense on their face.

It take a special woman to allow herself to be in that kind of a situation and if the state does end stop you from going back with him the likelihood is that you will picked another abuser at least that is my opinion.

My family and I was part of a group that “save” a woman from that kind of a situation at great cost in terms of money and time.

She was move from Florida to Las Vegas and found a job and an apartment. All went well for a numbers of years and then she got back in contact with her husband and decided that he had change.

Within a few days of moving back to Florida to be with him she ended up in the intensive care unit of the local hospital as he had almost beaten her to death.

Lord was I mad and not at him but at her for throwing away all the help we had given her to return to be an abused once more.
0 Replies
 
Rdp12209
 
  2  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 06:34 pm
@hawkeye10,
Are you referring to the karpman drama triangle? If so.. Move on to a new group and run your mouth there. Otherwise ... You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Co-dependency is prevalent in the first generation, my children are now predisposed to codependency and the cycle of abuse. I have boys. The reference to 'my pals' ? The police department? Victim services? The victims shelter? Those are the only pals I have... I didn't tell many of my day-to-day 'friends' because of the incomprehensible demoralization of my situation. Move on, friend ... Your advice is exactly as I described-- keep it to yourself.
hawkeye10
 
  -3  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 06:41 pm
@Rdp12209,
Rdp12209 wrote:

Are you referring to the karpman drama triangle? If so.. Move on to a new group and run your mouth there. Otherwise ... You have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Co-dependency is prevalent in the first generation, my children are now predisposed to codependency and the cycle of abuse. I have boys. The reference to 'my pals' ? The police department? Victim services? The victims shelter? Those are the only pals I have... I didn't tell many of my day-to-day 'friends' because of the incomprehensible demoralization of my situation. Move on, friend ... Your advice is exactly as I described-- keep it to yourself.
Yep, you are quite the bossy bitch...well on your way to becoming an abuser.....
Rdp12209
 
  2  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 06:54 pm
@hawkeye10,
Very nice.. Wasn't the topic to be about why women stay with abusive men? Good luck with your Internet group-- if I wanted to talk to a rude and disrespectful man-- I would still be with my husband. I hope the people reading and looking for help DO NOT come across you... Please educate yourself. You are lost.... And I don't have the energy to help you find your way out of your own fog. Good luck and God bless.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 06:58 pm
@Rdp12209,
Quote:
I wanted to talk to a rude and disrespectful man-- I would still be with my husband. I hope the people reading and looking for help DO NOT come across you
But then it IS you who picked the fight by demeaning other members in this thread, by trying to boss others around. But I know how it is when you get it into into your head that you are a victim.... everything bad that happens is somebody else's fault, it can never be yours, even when you are the one who is abusive towards others.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 07:02 pm
@Rdp12209,
Sigh. We've been saying that for years. Rdp - do not bother with these two anymore, they're no different than your husband - men with twisted thinking. They're not worth the time or space, really. You see that most of us don't engage with them and their weird thinking... and they do this to pretty near every thread they're on.
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 07:05 pm
@Mame,
Quote:
They're not worth the time or space, really. You see that most of us don't engage with them and their weird thinking... and they do this to pretty near every thread they're on.
That will work only so long as she does not check, because you are of course telling her a lie in the effort to help her feel good. The problem is that is is certainly being lied to constantly already, that is why a small does of truth telling feels so jarring to her, and you mame have become a facilitator of a budding abuser...
hawkeye10
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 08:18 pm
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
They're not worth the time or space, really. You see that most of us don't engage with them and their weird thinking... and they do this to pretty near every thread they're on.
That will work only so long as she does not check, because you are of course telling her a lie in the effort to help her feel good. The problem is that is is certainly being lied to constantly already, that is why a small does of truth telling feels so jarring to her, and you mame have become a facilitator of a budding abuser...


Sorry, I was in the middle of something..

That will work only so long as she does not check, because you are of course telling her a lie in the effort to help her feel good. The problem is that she is certainly being lied to constantly already, that is why a small dose of truth telling feels so jarring to her, and you mame have become a facilitator of a budding abuser...
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 May, 2011 11:44 pm
@hawkeye10,
Quote:
They are victims, they do not feel right unless they are being victimized, and thus they demand their partners be abusers.
I've come across a number of intelligent women, who grew up in calm households. They entered a relationship with a man they thought was lovely, who over the years lowered their self esteem, and then started becoming 'abusive', and then violent. These women would not have stayed in the relationship if what it was at the end was like that at the start. Most women wouldn't (though some very damaged ones would).

Your understanding of the mindset that allows domestic violence to devlop is sorely lacking Hawkeye...some do eventually choose the victim path, and some even start out that way...but those are only part of the group of women subject to violence.
 

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