Would you forgive your partner if he/she cheated?

But back to forgiving cheating partners, or not ....

(pardon that digression, folks. My fault.)

0 Replies

Well, it wouldn't matter to me how much I loved him - if he felt so inclined to be with someone else for whatever reason, that would be it for me. That was not part of the deal and it doesn't matter why it happened. And the less I knew about it, the better, ie I don't want details, the info is enough to sour the relationship for me.

0 Replies

@Caroline,

I'd walk straight out of the relationship, that's for sure. But I'm not sure whether I'd forgive. Is walking out and still forgiving an option? Maybe I'd do that. If they realise they were in the wrong and genuinely repent, I would perhaps continue being friends.

But I wouldn't stay in the relationship, as a lover that is.

0 Replies

@Caroline,

Caroline wrote:

Fido wrote:

[
I am not sure I can forgive my wife and as far as I know, she has not cheated; and I have sort of, because I have denied her knowledge of how much I love her out of fear of her absolute power over me, and I have denied her my complete trust...

It is possible to be too hurt some times by the possibility of being hurt... She doubts me, and doubts my love and is absolutly right to do so, and she reminds me of my dishonor, even though I have never cheated while never being true, and there is the knowledge that she is right, and I am in the wrong, and I cannot forgive her for it...

If you let go and not deny her, what's the worse thing that could happen Fido?

Probably nothing more than has already happened... May as well give 100% as not... There is no such thing as being 99% in love...

2 Replies

@Caroline,

Caroline wrote:

JTT is right Fido. What are you so afraid of, power over you but you can love someone and still be in control, I take it she wouldn't hurt you anyway, take the moment by the hand and talk and work through your insecurities.

One time I got beat up and thrown in jail, and because of the hand cuffs my fingers swelled up and a little ring I wore did not come off... When they wanted to strip me of my individuality hanging onto that ring was a victory...

No one loves without a sacrifice of self, and I could so easily become an extension of her will, which is remarkable and strong... I don't even know why I bother with the pretense of keeping some of me free from her influence... I may as well surrender... I am in love... My heart and happiness are at her mercy... She is great...

1 Reply

I've read all four pages of this interesting thread "Would you forgive your partner if he/she cheated?

Depends on what happened before, during, and after, some rat cheated on me. Maybe there has been too much said (in anger and disappointmente, even agony) so that the marriage can't continue. Or, maybe he brought the lady home to our shared abode. Haven't read much about that side of infidelity here. Maybe in that case I couldn't forgive.

I had an affair with a Frenchman (guy from France). I was separated from husband and he, French guy, was married. He actually did say to me? Well, in France all the husbands have mistresses that they visit every afternoon at about 4:00, "and everybody is happy." Just imagine! What I said was "bullshit." He liked that - laughed and laughed. I thought about his poor wife.

For some reason I thought he'd never, ever cheat on me because we would be so happily in love, bla bla bla. But, I noticed he looked at all the pretty girls and ladies. When we'd walk by some beautiful chick I noticed as we passed by them he'd turn around and watch her walking.Nevermind that I was totally insane about this person, there's no way we'd work as a couple. So, in my agony I gave him up. Trust was gone. Took a while to get over that one, I cried and cried for about a year.

Husband and I eventually revived our marriage. Long about that time of the A, though, I had my horoscope done and she said at some point. "Keep your jewel" about my husband.

Maybe it's better to get away for a while, rather than cheat on someone, pretending allthewhile. A trial separatiion seems kinder.

2 Replies

@Pemerson,

I understand you on that post, Pem.

1 Reply

@Caroline,

Yes, I would forgive and I might even join them on their little escapade. Maybe it will teach me how to make them a little happier while in bed. Of course I would never think someone would ever cheat on me. But that is only because none have cheated so far. Nor have I ever cheated nor will I ever cheat.

1 Reply

@Moon Guardian,

Moon Guardian wrote:

Yes, I would forgive and I might even join them on their little escapade. Maybe it will teach me how to make them a little happier while in bed. Of course I would never think someone would ever cheat on me. But that is only because none have cheated so far. Nor have I ever cheated nor will I ever cheat.

Sure hope those are not famous last words.

0 Replies

I got divorced over it once, but I was just using that as an excuse to free myself from a marriage I didn't want to be in in the first place. I'm glad it happened, really. She was boinking at least two other guys, one of whom was a 'friend'.
I admit that I'm a complete hypocrite, however. I was also cheating on her, but she never found out about it. Since our divorce, I've had relationships with two married women. I'm not proud, and I've grown out of it, I think. I doubt I'd ever do it again.

If it were to happen to me again, I'd offer to stay in the marriage if we were both free to 'roam'. Otherwise, I'd be constantly checking up on her whereabouts and worrying if I were being made a fool of. That's no way to live.

My real-life solution, however, has been to not get re-married. It's been about 15 years since the divorce; I can't notice that I miss anything at all about married life.

1 Reply

@FBM,

FBM wrote:

I got divorced over it once, but I was just using that as an excuse to free myself from a marriage I didn't want to be in in the first place. I'm glad it happened, really. She was boinking at least two other guys, one of whom was a 'friend'.
I admit that I'm a complete hypocrite, however. I was also cheating on her, but she never found out about it. Since our divorce, I've had relationships with two married women. I'm not proud, and I've grown out of it, I think. I doubt I'd ever do it again.

If it were to happen to me again, I'd offer to stay in the marriage if we were both free to 'roam'. Otherwise, I'd be constantly checking up on her whereabouts and worrying if I were being made a fool of. That's no way to live.

My real-life solution, however, has been to not get re-married. It's been about 15 years since the divorce; I can't notice that I miss anything at all about married life.

Honor is so rare... Did your oaths mean nothing??? If so, then why give your word????

1 Reply

0 Replies

Forgive? Sure. Continue the relationship? Depends on the circumstances. If he's a serial cheater then probably not unless he's still meeting my needs in some other way that I don't think I can get elsewhere (doubtful). If it's just a symptom of unmet needs in the relationship and we both think those needs can be met without excessive effort on our parts, then yes, probably.

When I was younger I saw cheating as the ultimate deal breaker and violation. Now I just think it's the universal social crime that everyone can rely upon to garner sympathy for the victim, and a great excuse to justify getting out of a relationship that was probably already over. I've since learned that I don't need justification to get out of an unhappy relationship. It's enough to be unsatisfied and unhappy. We are not obligated to be with anyone we don't want to be with, legal contract notwithstanding.

2 Replies

@Fido,

Fido wrote:

Caroline wrote:

Fido wrote:

[
I am not sure I can forgive my wife and as far as I know, she has not cheated; and I have sort of, because I have denied her knowledge of how much I love her out of fear of her absolute power over me, and I have denied her my complete trust...

It is possible to be too hurt some times by the possibility of being hurt... She doubts me, and doubts my love and is absolutly right to do so, and she reminds me of my dishonor, even though I have never cheated while never being true, and there is the knowledge that she is right, and I am in the wrong, and I cannot forgive her for it...

If you let go and not deny her, what's the worse thing that could happen Fido?

Probably nothing more than has already happened... May as well give 100% as not... There is no such thing as being 99% in love...

Hey, maybe you're seeing your marriage in the wrong light. Why not consider that you are the wind beneath her wings, she the same for you? Relax, for heaven's sake you two probably have a great thing going. Unless it turns into competition. She has her strengths and you have yours.

1 Reply

@FreeDuck,

Quote:

When I was younger I saw cheating as the ultimate deal breaker and violation. Now I just think it's the universal social crime that everyone can rely upon to garner sympathy for the victim, and a great excuse to justify getting out of a relationship that was probably already over. I've since learned that I don't need justification to get out of an unhappy relationship. It's enough to be unsatisfied and unhappy. We are not obligated to be with anyone we don't want to be with, legal contract notwithstanding.

Well said, FreeDuck. That's what I've been trying to put together.

I've noticed that there is a lot of, [ and I don't discount the hurt, though I think that a lot is "socially" induced], "poor little me" in these posts, the "universal social crime" in FreeDuck's words.

If you actually love, really love, then how can that love simply go away, disappear, vanish just because one party has made a mistake. Obviously, I'm not talking serial cheater.

Certainly that's on the worse side of the "for better or for worse" ledger, but if, that's IF you have the chance to spend a lifetime with the ONE, why would anyone not consider working this problem out?

1 Reply

@JTT,

The love would die for me. He wouldn't be the same man I married; he would have lied to me, betrayed our relationship. The same way my love would die if I saw him hurt somebody (especially physically), if he turned mean, small, petty... I cannot love someone like that, so my love would turn to disgust. And it's not about hurt, because that goes away in time. It's about him not being the man I thought he was.

I consider cheating to the ultimate in betrayals.

Why do people cheat, anyway? I've never understood that.

2 Replies

@Mame,

Real love doesn't die, it can't. Certainly one can be disappointed in aspects of another's behavior, even grievously so, but if love can be extirpated so quickly, was it love in the first place?

Would you shut all the doors on your mother/father/siblings if they did something awful? Is the ultimate in betrayals always the ultimate deal breaker?

How would that fulfill a promise to be there for better or for worse?

Quote:

Why do people cheat, anyway? I've never understood that.

Me neither. Millions of reason I suppose, many still looking for numero uno.

3 Replies

@Mame,

What Mame said.

0 Replies

@JTT,

Quote:

Would you shut all the doors on your mother/father/siblings if they did something awful?

Perhaps yes, perhaps not. Depends on what exactly they did. And those relationships are different in that you don't get to choose them. But you do get to choose your man, and you choose that man because of certain reasons, so there always be expectations. And there will be a lot of hurt when those expectations are not met with.

0 Replies

@Pemerson,

Pemerson wrote:

Fido wrote:

Caroline wrote:

Fido wrote:

[
I am not sure I can forgive my wife and as far as I know, she has not cheated; and I have sort of, because I have denied her knowledge of how much I love her out of fear of her absolute power over me, and I have denied her my complete trust...

It is possible to be too hurt some times by the possibility of being hurt... She doubts me, and doubts my love and is absolutly right to do so, and she reminds me of my dishonor, even though I have never cheated while never being true, and there is the knowledge that she is right, and I am in the wrong, and I cannot forgive her for it...

If you let go and not deny her, what's the worse thing that could happen Fido?

Probably nothing more than has already happened... May as well give 100% as not... There is no such thing as being 99% in love...

Hey, maybe you're seeing your marriage in the wrong light. Why not consider that you are the wind beneath her wings, she the same for you? Relax, for heaven's sake you two probably have a great thing going. Unless it turns into competition. She has her strengths and you have yours.

Sure there is competition... She runs, and I try to keep up... I can do a five K; but she can do half marathons... My gal is red hot... I'm going to get a woody just thinking of her... Thanks..

0 Replies

Would you forgive your partner if he/she cheated?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know