Would you forgive your partner if he/she cheated?

At this point in my life, I would forgive a partner who cheated in the "Hey, let's occupy the Universe simultaneously" type forgiveness - and I could probably sincerely wish the hypothetical guy well - but I'd be out of the relationship.

It has to do with my time in life juxtaposed with my self-inflicted, pre-existing trust issues more than anything. I've already slogged through some pretty intense difficulty in the marital/romantic category - and I'm sort of at a point where I'd rather be alone than reprising misery. I'm not willing to donate the precious (and likely interminable) time it would take to rebuild broken trust...I'd rather be teaching English in Europe or some such life-infusing thing, rather than sitting around drowning in agony... (and the vivid imagery in my mind of my guy with another woman...I'm pretty sure I'd never recover.)

If I was younger, the answer might be different.

So, forgive: yes. Stay: no.

Actually you are the naive, unrealistic, prudish one in a sense. The question was what about what individuals felt personally. And you deride honest responses to that question. I don't disagree with your claim that most people commit adultery, but I disagree that makes it necessarily right. I have no problem with couples agreeing to sex outside of the relationship if they are both happy with that. But if that conversation hasn't been had, and one partner does stray then I think something is wrong with the relationship. Individuals can choose how they then resolve that issue. I stand by my way for me.

Yes, hinge.

oh, on forgiving a partner, it killed me.




which time? there was the once.

No. That's all. Just No. I don't have to have any reasons and I'm certainly not gonna listen to any. None would be acceptable.

I am into swinging and wife swapping,but cheating would be a huge deal to me. I would probably forgive, and get past it, but it would be a process. I dispise dishonesty, and betrayal of trust even more so.

Do you not get jealous seeing your woman with another guy, how do you get passed it, how do you get passed that emotional twinge that ties you together?

Ossobuco I have to say you totally confuse me.

Were things different back then? Do you mean people stayed together married no matter what but I think times change for the good because people used to stay in abusive and unloving marriages and had to stay together because it was not the done thing to do, divorce was almost taboo. People suffered and so did the children and what a waste.

That's a really positive attitude that I guess comes with getting wiser, me I'd mope around wailing for awhile then pick myself up again, I always pick myself up again. Thanks for response Lash, your name reminds me of Slash the guitarist, dont know if you think he's cool or not.

Yeah be strong, the rotten bastard but then I'd wanna know why, you're stronger than I am squinney.

I don't own a woman (not even my wife).

There is only one answer to why: they wanted to. Period. I don't care why they might have wanted to, and I'm not gonna open myself to blame for something that was nothing but self-centered on his part. We all only act on what is in our best interest, so there would be no need for me to ask him why.

I was married 21 years. I never cheated. It never even crossed my mind. I never had any reason to believe he cheated. Interesting that some find that rare.

He plays a wicked solo in November Rain...but a bit thick-nosed for my taste.

Yeah love that song, not my type either, he did play with my fav Billy Idol so he's cool, loved that album and love You Could Be Mine, my mate was mad for Civil War, you know Aerosmith, another one of my fav, toured with them when they first started out and they bought GFR all their amps and equipment and Slash got into guitaring after he heard Aereosmiths Rock In A Hard Place at his dates house, she put it on and he left her and drove his bike whilst listening to it and the rest is history. Thanks Slash I mean Lash.

I didn't say affair, Mame. I noted that it was exceedingly difficult to cover all the possible bases, to touch on every conceivable situation.

And I was speaking for myself for I too agree that taking a second when you've got number one is dumb dumb dumb.

I guess that a lot of times when it happens, someone doesn't think they have number one.

My central point is, people can make mistakes and if a person knows, feels, is sure that they have number one, certain indiscretions can be forgiven. You know, for better or for worse, 'til death do us part.

Remember that song, I forget the title,

"There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved, but that doesn't mean I love you less ..."

I have always been moved by the degree of honesty expressed by that woman and though you might well say that there was a breach of honesty, I agree, there was.

For some, I don't think love means so much as just having someone. To me having someone isn't the test, never has been. Loving someone is the all, the only, the everything, the only thing. That doesn't ever go away and in the grand scheme of a lifetime, what's one or even a few diddles?

I find it perfectly reasonable to accept a heartfelt apology. I don't find it at all reasonable for a person to get hung up on one mistake. I think we've been conditioned to think of it as the ultimate deal breaker.

Silly to my mind, when you love someone, truly, deeply, passionately, without reserve, ... .

Well, good¡

Good point but it takes a lot of work but if you love someone and you knew they wouldn't do it again, I think it all depends on the circumstances, it does hurt a lot and is painful to deal with, some would rather forgive rather than lose that person. It is a reckless thing to do and I think that is for the young, for the old, well then something is not right, if only people talked, people do it for a lot of different reasons but relationships take work, and you have to keep working on them because if you dont you stand to lose that person, so openness and honesty can go a long way to finding happiness. Give and take.

Im having a petunia thought.

I meant not to answer you, Caroline, but I did, so I'll have to follow up.