Unwanted staring at the workplace?

@talk72000,

Then you have read with that bias. Read what we said again.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

We should leave these question for people who understand Indian culture

Yes, as Americans can do nothing about except pontificate.

1 Reply

@talk72000,

if this is typical male behavior in india, spidergal should not have a problem with it.
that she does tells me that it is not...

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@Region Philbis,

Oh yeah, she's probably somewhat familar with the culture, huh?

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@talk72000

If everyone stares in India then spidergal is more than used to being stared at. She sits in a large cafeteria where she could be being stared at by countless people. If it's part of the culture then she's certainly aware of the normal culture in India. Something about ONE GUY tripped her "creep" radar. We aren't talking about culture in one country vs another country. We're talking about "Unwanted staring in the workplace" that she's noticed to the point that it's creeped her out. You suggested she wear glasses so he'd be turned off. And you think we're being unhelpful?

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@Region Philbis,

Quote:

if this is typical male behavior in india, spidergal should not have a problem with it.
that she does tells me that it is not...

we have no idea how consistent Spider's perceptions are with the cultural norm...it is entirely possible that something is a problem for her that her peers think is no big deal, or would take as a compliment. Guys whistling at gals on the streets in America comes to mind,when I was a kid this was a high compliment, now it is considered grounds for a police report and a restraining order. Some girls here and now might enjoy it like their mothers and grandmothers mostly did , the majority would would begin to freak,or feel insulted.

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@talk72000,

I've no idea if staring is a crime anywhere but I can see entrenched staring as a clue to psychopathy (general term), mentioned earlier in the thread. Sorry no quote, psychopathy wasn't the word.

On the other hand I can see it considered as a cultural mode of extreme flirt within that culture. Not for most of us, but I get that is a mode, which I'm not sure I just buy as the mode.

I think staring does vary.

Whatever, in the workplace, this is way out of line.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Quote:

Whatever, in the workplace, this is way out of line.

you might want to investigate what the culture at the Tribune Company (Chicago Tribune) has been like for the last couple of years. You might find overt sexual or gender specific behaviour out of line, but it still happens even in large American Companies...

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

Guys whistling at gals on the streets in America comes to mind,when I was a kid this was a high compliment, now it is considered grounds for a police report and a restraining order. Some girls here and now might enjoy it like their mothers and grandmothers mostly did , the majority would would begin to freak,or feel insulted.

Wrong about women as usual. Women have always considered whistling to be unwanted and rude behavior. My great grandmother, who lived to be over 100 and was born in 1896, once said to me: "Men who whistle at women indicate they think women are no better than dogs; docile dogs who come to their masters. Never talk to men who whistle at you." I always thought that was good advice.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Guys whistling at gals on the streets in America comes to mind,when I was a kid this was a high compliment, now it is considered grounds for a police report and a restraining order. Some girls here and now might enjoy it like their mothers and grandmothers mostly did , the majority would would begin to freak,or feel insulted.

An admiring glance -- even a lingering admiring glance -- is not the same as someone flat out staring at you...which is creepy. We know the difference.

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@Irishk,

Well, Irish K nails it.

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@Irishk,

Quote:

We know the difference.

communication is a two part/two person process. We dont know spider, so we cant assume that her reception is normal for her culture. I would like to hear from some a2k members who have spent at alot of time in India. I see plenty on the web about staring being a normal part of the Indian culture . Maybe Spider spent some time in America recently and needs to get back into her culture,,,,,we just dont know.

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@hawkeye10,

I can think of one or two customs concerning women that are specific to a culture. Doesn't make them any less uncomfortable or more welcome.

1 Reply

@Irishk,

Quote:

Doesn't make them any less uncomfortable or more welcome.

Cultural norms do however potentially completely change the prospect and advisability of objecting, which is the point of this thread. I dont think it a good idea to offer Spider advise since I dont know the culture...I could tell her something that would land her in a jack pot if she followed my advise. Being labeled a trouble make and then shunned has potential enormous career and personal costs.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

it doesn't matter if its normal, if she's uncomfortable, she's uncomfortable

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

But, hawk, it doesn't matter whether staring is a normal part of the culture. She's not talking about a normal stare or a normal starer. She's talking about ONE creepy starer in the workplace. She wants it to stop. It's "Unwanted" staring. Her question was how to get it to stop without getting acid thrown in her face.

I don't care where she lives. If she wants it to stop and she comes here asking for advice on how to make that happen then we're going to advice her to the best of our ability.

Talk told her to "wear glasses". You're telling her to take it as a complement. Neither of those are going to get an "Unwanted" action to stop happening.

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@hawkeye10,

no it doesn't, that's how things change, maybe if more indian women* objected to the gawkers they would stop

* if this is a cultural problem in india, we don't know

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@djjd62,

Quote:

it doesn't matter if its normal, if she's uncomfortable, she's uncomfortable

and so what? India is in the East,the collective is more important than the individual. If an individual is uncomfortable the mandate is to "suck it up"...refusal to do so caries huge costs.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

...says the Expert on Everything.....

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

We dont know spider, so we cant assume that her reception is normal for her culture. I would like to hear from some a2k members who have spent at alot of time in India. I see plenty on the web about staring being a normal part of the Indian culture . Maybe Spider spent some time in America recently and needs to get back into her culture,,,,,we just dont know.

Uh, yeah some of us do know her. She's been on A2K for 5 years and has over 3000 posts. Just 'cause you don't know her...

Maybe she's asking for it? Rolling Eyes

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Unwanted staring at the workplace?

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