Unwanted staring at the workplace?

Ah, listening, ehBeth.

When he does this, have you tried changing tables so that he would have to purposely also change tables in order to still have you in his line of sight?

That would certainly confirm his intentions one way or the other without you having to interact with or acknowledge him.

Was there a song, infatuation is silly?

This may all be a lame situation.

I never worked in a place with an HR - in my youth it was the Personnel Department.

I don't know. I don't like seeing people with no clue bludgeoned by systems. On the other hand, I'm no fan of stalking.

I'm not thinking Spider is dealing with real stalking. But, naturally, I don't know.

Quick update from office here:

I'm kinda fine. I spoke to the HR woman and explained what's been going on. And her first question: "Who's this guy? Do you know which process he works for?"

That was real lame. And I replied sternly, "So do you expect me to walk up to him and ask what his hame is?"

"I'm sure it's not a good idea for me to talk to HIM."

She looked clueless for a while, and said: "You're sure he's starting at YOU?"

I assured her I was convinced beyond doubt.

So, we have a plan now. If I spot him at lunch or any other time, I have to give her a buzz. She'll come over and accost the guy and get his details and all.

Well, at least you've got a third party involved.

I'm glad she decided to take you seriously, this is a good start. Find out if he even belongs in the company and not just sneaking in to the lunch area to indulge his fantasies. If you think a man is staring at you he probably is, and since it makes you uncomfortable you should not be forced to change your habits to avoid him or put him off. He is in the wrong and not you. Some men get a sexual thrill just by knowing they are making you uncomfortable and it can escalate to other actions even less desirable. Let us know how it goes.

Just saying hello to you, spidergal. Good to see you again after such a long time!
I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this sort of unwarranted unpleasantness in your workplace. I have no better advice for you than that which has already been offered on this thread. I'll just wish you the best of luck & hope that it stops very soon.

Oh, for god's sake . . . .

If he is staring at you, then confront him. Simply say - "Hey, I notice you looking at me all the time. Is there a reason for it? It makes me feel uncomfortable." Do this in front of a witness, if needed.

Wait for his reply - heck it could be "Yes, you look like my sister who died last year. Sorry, I can't take my eyes off you." OR, yes, he's a nutcase and has a crush on you.

In any case, you MUST warn him to stop it for a harassment case to be filed. It's not fair to him or you for you to claim that he is staring at you all the time. That's too vague. You must confront him and tell him to stop. If he does not, then you have a case.

Hand him a picture of you with your fav and simply say, here, you can star all you want in private.

One thing I once did, a lady was trying to come on to me, whom I was not at all interested in.
I simply told her that I use to be just like her. She got really interested and wanted to know more. I simply said, Yes, I was just like you until I had my sex change operation.
That took care of that.

When I was young I use to stare, simply because a woman is the most beautiful thing in creation. A beauty that is often beyond comprehension.

You could start with a call to HR and ask what their thoughts are. If you are in a work caferitera surrounding by other co-workers, how is that a dangerous situation? I would never suggest this if you were alone or in an isolated situation. But in an open area with many people around, I don't see the danger.

If it is a large company you could be looking at hundreds or even thousands of photos - not reasonable.

Good news. Hope this puts an end to the staring.

I wouldn't have a problem approaching someone and saying something snitty to get my point across, but I'm older and less inclined to feeling intimidated by someone staring at me.

I absolutely wouldn't recommend approaching a starer to my daughter or to Spidergal. Seriously, guys. Is this the advice you'd give your daughter or sister? Wear glasses? Give him a picture of yourself so he can wack off?

Spidergal, I look forward to hearing all is well!

I agree - This reminds me of a situation I was in. I recently moved to a new office location. There was this little asian man that kept staring at me. I thought it odd. A few days later he approached me and asked if I would be his friend. Again it seemed really odd, but I figured what the h*ll and took the high road and said - sure I'll be your friend. We exchanged names.

Several days later we have a conversation - come to find out that he managed to escape from Vietnam and was able to also get his son here. He has been working to try to get his daughter over and I reminded him of his daughter. That was the whole reason of his interest.

We became fast friends at work. It was a wonderful friendship (odd/older little asian man with a deep accent and young irish/italien woman) but it was great.

Not saying that this is all it is - but you really never know.

I would - if it was in a safe place - like a workplace caferteria fulled with other co-workers.

I'm not sure I'll have time today to write out all my thoughts and reply to some of your responses, but in the meanwhile, here's a quick update: He wasn't to be seen at lunch. And I haven't seen him at all today.

A little frustrating because I don't know when I'm going to see him next - better be soon. Want to be done and dusted with this whole issue!

I'm heading off to my alma mater for an alumni meet now. Will be meeting old friends and partying and stuff - hope this will take my mind off this situation.

And thanks for all of your suggestions - I have been reading everything!

Sure you would. You are older, and the little Asian man didn't intimidate you.

I think the important thing here, in Spidergals situation, is that SHE feels icky about it. To me, that is the distinction in deciding how to handle it. I wouldn't discourage her or anyone else from listening to her gut feeling.

I'm back home, and have some time before I begin packing for the weekend getaway. So I'll address some things here that may be important for you to get a clearer picture of this whole situation.

To what Osso said: Yes, this hasn't advanced to stalking. Yet. It may never at all. But what got my antennae up yesterday was that this guy was lurking in the cab area around the time I had to catch my office cab back home.

He went over to this random guy and made some small talk, all the while his eyes flitting back to me.

Maybe stalking is the next step on his action plan? And he even owns a bike. So as Chai mentioned, I have to assume this is a stalker and leave no stone unturned.

Also, some people suggested I should go talk to him. Believe me, I'm the sort of person who would not refrain from doing it. I've done it before during one-off instances of guys messing around.

But, this guy has a very psychopath look about him, even though I've seen him indulge in seemingly normal conversations with others. So the point is, I've got to trudge with care. And the fact this state has the highest number of reported cases of acid attacks on women - mostly by men wanting to exact revenge for rejection - in the country makes me make want to make every little move like I'm doing brain surgery.

This is a delicate situation, no doubt, but to get things in perspective: I do tend to over think at times, which I am probably now. I was clearly very upset over this yesterday, but it's much, much better today.

When this occurred with me and the asian man, I was significantly younger - I was in my early 20s - I was quite young at the time. I've never been one to get intimindated easily. Even being all of 5'2" and 115 pounds. Size doesn't matter (so whether being physically larger or physically smaller) even a small stalker can carry a weapon.

I have felt icky about a person approaching me at work before. He even invited me to lunch. I knew enough not to go to lunch with him, but unafraid at work as I am not in a position where I would be alone with him.

I'd also worry (not that this should happen, but it does) - if she ends up looking like an alarmist - especially if it just happens that this guy just stares into space and maybe isn't even looking at her. As long as she isn't in a situation where she could be alone with the person.

you are very cool spidergal.

Enjoy your weekend Spidergal and put this chap to the back of your mind - go have fun with your friends, ENJOY