30
   

Unwanted staring at the workplace?

 
 
Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 07:11 pm
@talk72000,
Quote:
The guy also has contacted HR so there maybe two sides to the issue.


You don't know that he made the contact, maybe her HR person contacted his HR person. Setanta is correct - you are a putz.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 07:12 pm
@talk72000,
Quote:
It is not America. People stare at everyone in India. When in Rome do as the Romans do.


I have been to various places in India and I never noticed excessive staring. I usually found people to be a little shy and mostly polite.
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 07:16 pm
Stories like these are why Spidergal takes this man's unwanted attention seriously and why it has frightened her. Those giving counsel as if it were occurring in the U.S. do her a disservice. The cultures are not the same and neither are the laws.

http://www.global-sisterhood-network.org/content/view/2323/76/

Quote:
Magazine | July 20, 2009

ANDHRA: CRIMES
Burns Ward
With acid attacks on the rise again, Andhra mulls stringent laws

Venugopal Pillai

Guntur's Shame

* July 2: Man throws acid on his wife and two-year-old daughter
* June 27: Elderly woman attacked by a close relative over a property dispute at Piduguralla
* June 24: HIV patient throws acid on wife for refusing to sleep with him in Nizampeth
* June 17: A man hurls acid at a neighbour for spurning his sexual overtures
* June 17: An autorickshaw driver attacks his paramour over a quarrel

***
O n December 13, 2008, an acid attack on two female engineering students in Warangal sent shockwaves across the state. One of the students finally died of acid burns in a Hyderabad hospital on December 30. Her friend, T. Praneetha, survived but is still to get over the shock. The case was compounded by a police goof-up in the beginning, and later, as if to make up for it, the three accused young men were gunned down in an 'encounter' outside town within hours of being arrested. The vigilante style killing even made the resident top cop a hero for a while.

Women protest the Warangal acid attack

Now, six months after Warangal, a spate of acid attacks in Guntur district has once again brought the issue on to the front pages. The district has seen five attacks in the last fortnight. The Andhra Pradesh government is now considering a legislation on the lines of a draft bill proposed by the Centre on acid attackers. "We are sending recommendations to the Union government on the proposed draft bill," state home minister Sabitha Reddy told Outlook. The bill proposes to amend Section 326 of the IPC with inclusion of a sub-clause which will ensure a minimum punishment of seven years. The present Section 326, which deals with causing grievous injury, lacks the provision and does not specify a minimum punishment.

Another suggestion pertains to the trial of the guilty. The state wants the cases to be tried in a sessions court (rather than before a metropolitan magistrate) and with inclusion of a clause under the Indian Evidence Act, so that the burden of proving innocence is on the accused. The home minister says that "along with speedy trial, the state has also suggested that victims of acid attacks be paid compensation by the accused for treatment. As it is, the costs incurred in treating acid burns is too high...." She also wants the "perpetrators", mostly youth or students, to be immediately rusticated from their respective institutions for not less than three years.

The victims themselves would like to have their side heard too. Anuradha was a BSc Agriculture student in 1997 when a male student threw acid on her. She lost her left eye in the attack and has since undergone 20 surgeries. She says the victim's statement should be taken into account while punishing the guilty as attacks happen mainly in secluded places and witnesses are hard to come by. Even if it takes place in public, people rarely come forward to testify.

"There should be a separate law for acid attack cases...delinked from any other Act," says Anuradha, who now works as a biotechnologist. She points out that it's not the victim alone who suffers, but the entire family. On the treatment expenses front, Anuradha appreciated the present government's efforts in helping victims financially.

Sumitra, a social worker with NGO Ankuram, says "there's no dearth of effective laws, but there's no proper implementation". She's hoping the proposed legislation will close the loopholes and help control crimes against women."Domestic violence, gangrapes, trafficking of women and children, acid attacks, sexual harassment at the workplace, dowry harassment and deaths, child abuse and sexual exploitation...they are becoming the order of the day, not only in Andhra, but elsewhere," she says.

Ram Mohan, convenor of HELP, an NGO in Guntur district, goes a bit further. He wants the sale and purchase of acid in the state to be regulated. "Despite the crimes and the chemical's obvious harmful effects, acid is sold freely over the counter even in rural areas," he says. As things stand, in Guntur, at least, some regulation may not be a bad idea.


http://infochangeindia.org/200901027557/Women/News/NCW-pushes-for-law-against-acid-attacks-on-women.html
Quote:

NCW pushes for law against acid attacks on women

With the death of K Swapnika, victim of an acid attack, on December 30, the need for a special law to deal with this terrible crime becomes urgent

An acid attack, allegedly by a spurned lover, claimed yet another life on December 30, 2008, as 21-year-old engineering student K Swapnika succumbed to her injuries in a Hyderabad hospital.

On December 10, 2008, Swapnika and her friend T Praneetha, who was riding pillion, had acid thrown on them by three men, one of whom was in love with Swapnika. The three youths were picked up by the police, let out on bail, and subsequently shot in an “encounter” when they took the police to the spot where they had hidden the acid and some weapons. According to police reports, they attacked the police during the search.

Acid attacks on women are common in India, which does not have a specific law to deal with such incidents. Every year, women are killed, maimed, blinded or scarred for life for rejecting suitors, refusing to have sex, defying custom, or becoming victims of family feuds and land disputes.

A 20-year-old tailor in Delhi’s Model Town area threw acid on two teenage sisters. The tailor wanted to marry the younger sister but the girl’s mother told him that her elder daughter had to be married off first. Angered by the delay, he threw acid on both sisters -- apparently to teach them and their mother a lesson.

In a famous case, the Campaign and Struggle Against Acid Attacks on Women (CSAAAW) helped Hasina Hussain get justice after her ex-boss Joseph Rodrigues poured 1.5 litres of sulphuric acid on her when she quit her job in his company, in 1999. The acid melted her face, fused her shoulder and neck, burnt a hole in her head, merged her fingers and blinded her for life. In 2006, the Karnataka High Court sentenced Rodrigues to life imprisonment.

The Union government’s National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB) does not have separate figures for the number of acid victims but it is estimated that at least 100 women are subjected to acid attacks in India every year. CSAAAW has compiled a list of 65 cases in Karnataka alone, between 1999 and 2008.

The National Commission for Women (NCW) is pushing for a specific law to deal with such cases. It has come up with a draft of the Prevention of Offences (by Acids) Act, 2008, which is with the Union Ministry of Women and Child Development for vetting. After its approval, the Bill will be sent to the law ministry before it is tabled in Parliament to be passed as law.

One of the problems with this type of crime, like several other crimes against women, is that the police do not take strong enough action when complaints are registered. Swapnika’s father had lodged a complaint against the chief accused, S Srinivas Rao, for vandalising his motorcycle two months before the attack on Swapnika took place. Women activists also want the easy availability of acid to be curbed.

Source: www.ndtv.com, December 31, 2008
www.rediff.com, December 31, 2008
Daily Excelsior, December 2008
0 Replies
 
Lash
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 07:25 pm
I'm beginning to envision every male in India, walking about with his prerequisite can of acid...just in case. Baffling.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 08:00 pm
@spidergal,
spidergal wrote:

Gulp.

Spotted him. Phoned the HR woman. We had a mini chat in the conference room with him. His HR man was also present.

Gulp.

Will elaborate when I'm back home.


What the hell time is it in India? It's only been like 16+ hours since she was gulping.
Irishk
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 08:04 pm
Quote:
NCW pushes for law against acid attacks on women


Pushes? Very bizarre.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 08:07 pm
@JPB,
7:36 AM in New Delhi (I forget where in India she is).

Maybe it happened at work, she went home, decompressed, and then went to sleep and we'll hear about it later in her day, but if it's not until she gets home from work may be a while yet.
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 08:12 pm
@sozobe,
Yeah -- nothing we can do but wait regardless.
0 Replies
 
spidergal
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 09:32 pm

Very sorry for making you all wait!

I returned from work at 10 PM and headed straight for the bed, so couldn't write the update. But here goes...

Actually, since his and my HR are not the same, my HR woman decided to have his HR guy in the meeting as well. Right before the discussion, I felt myself going weak in the legs. I was nervous a bit.

FYI: This guy works for the ITO process, which is more or less like BPO. Call centers you know. So he's definitely not a real techie, talk72000.

So basically, this guy started out very assertively that he had not been staring. Apparently, my HR lady had briefed him about what my complaint was before this "conference" took place.

"There's nothing like it, lady, I assure you, there's nothing like it." I was taken aback by the use of the word lady for some reason. I think he tried a bit to fake American accent.

Those were his first few words. I do not remember every word that was said during the meeting essentially because I was a bit nervous. I tried to be as assertive as possible, and emphasized - while looking straight at him - that why I decided to approach HR was because this had happened repeatedly.

Interesting, this is what this guy had to say:

"This is a small place. In a bigger place, you'd never noticed me, and I'd never noticed you."

Oh alright.

He also mentioned how the other day (last Thursday) it was a silly coincidence that he was talking on phone outside the ATM when I happened to passed that place by. "You know, in a small place, like that, you can't avoid that."

So he remembers that, huh? He's been noticing me?

He also spoke of a time when he saw me in a mall. "She was with some guy and going down on the escalator, and I was going up. Do you see what I mean?"

I never saw this guy in any mall, so I just said I never saw him.

Even the HR woman mumbled something about this being a small place. Well, some 500 people work here. I don't think it's that small a workplace. I think it's fairly huge.

Now since everybody sort of was beginning to believe all this had been an accident, I found it necessary to bring this to the guy's notice: "Maybe you haven't meant to stare at me, but there's something weird about the way you look at people then. It's very discomforting. Maybe you'd want to look into that. Maybe it's because of that there has been this confusion."

Basically, it all ended with the HR woman saying thanks to everyone.

I'll be back with some assessment of the whole thing in a little while.
spidergal
 
  2  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 09:50 pm
Some afterthoughts:

I don't know if this guy is being honest about not meaning to stare at me, but I'll still stick by my word: he was staring at me to the point of making me uncomfortable. His stare is very different from a normal "lingering" stare of a male just ogling at a female.

I forgot to mention this, but this guy had something to say about how he has been in the industry for 5 years and nothing like this has ever happened to him. "You must be a fresher, right?" he said condescendingly. A fresher, fyi, is a person who is just out of college.

Well, whatever.

I'm not going to be influenced too much by his confidence at the meeting because I'm aware sociopaths can exude a lot of confidence. I'm not saying he's a sociopath, but just because he could confidently deny he wasn't staring doesn't tell us anything about his real intention. I mean, what else is he going to do? He won't come clean about it. "Sorry, you're so pretty, I just can't take my eyes off you." or "I'm sorry, I'm a sociopath, I develop an an obsession for someone every now and then, and can't help gawking at them."

Obviously, he was going to deny.

But since HR has intervened, I'm assuming he'll back out. He knows now that I'm not the sort to "suffer in silence."
Caroline
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 09:52 pm
@spidergal,
Sounds like a creep. When I was in hospital a male nurse kept checking my ass everytime I walked past, he did it so much that I marched right up to him and said I dont like the way you're looking at me and if you continue I will take it further, didn't see him again and I did mention it to another nurse.

Hope it goes alright for you girl, as a woman who knows what you went through I'm rooting for ya.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 10:07 pm
@spidergal,
Anyway, I'm glad there is an official record of this. That in itself might be sufficient discouragement for anything further from him.
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Tue 2 Nov, 2010 10:33 pm
@roger,
Agreeing with roger. And, yes, I hope this is the end of it for you.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 05:51 am
@spidergal,
Quote:
...he was staring at me to the point of making me uncomfortable.


That's the key, how you feel. 500 people is not that small, and 498 are not staring, so I think he's the problem.

I think it helps that you reported the problem so now the guy knows there is a record of the interaction and you have made it clear you do not want his attention. Certainly try and avoid him and see if he still pops up. If he is a normal creep he might slink away and look for a new object for his unwanted attentions, if he is a sociopath he might not move off so quickly. Stay alert.

Setanta
 
  5  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 06:12 am
@Green Witch,
I agree with what GW says here, and would point out that in a male-dominated society, it was very difficult, if not impossible, for the boys to admit that anything was wrong. Nevertheless, they've been put on notice, and this joker can't do anything else without immediately being suspect.

Good for you, Spidergal ! ! !
chai2
 
  5  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 06:21 am
heh, Creepo (as I have named him) responded in exactly the way I predicted. Overblown "there's nothing like this lady, there's nothing like this" making excuses, "the place is small"- "I saw her in the mall" (whatever the hell THAT is supposed to mean), trying to somehow put the blame on you for being oversensitive because you're a "freshy" The "this has never happened before" All of this in one fell swoop.

Someone who was truly innocent? Whose only "crime" was to be unaware? To me it seems they would have more likely said something to the effect of "I didn't realize I was staring. I wasn't meaning to, but if you took it that way I apologize. I will make sure you have no reason to think I'm doing that again"

End of subject.

He's shocked someone called him on this.

You did real good spidergal, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Here is a quote that may help you in times like this....

"Speak your mind even if your voice shakes."
— Maggie Kuhn
spidergal
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 07:10 am
@chai2,
Your my hero, Chai!

And thanks everyone for being there! I don't have a speck of fear roaming about in the work campus now.

But, yes, I'll be careful, as this creepo could be a sociapath!

Onto other battles now. Smile
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  4  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 07:14 am
@Setanta,
This went about the way I expected. He was officially approached, he denied everything, but he's on notice. If he has any brains, he will now avoid you and your problem is over. If not, he is on record with HR. On the off chance this is really a misunderstanding, then no one's reputation has been damaged. Congratulations on handling the matter well.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 07:15 am
I am glad that there has been a meeting and all the cards are on the table. He knows that you know and HR knows, too. There are witnesses to the allegation and the denial. An official warning has been made.

NOW . . if he does it again - I know you will act swiftly to confront him. He will have an office harassment charge against him. (Does not look good in one's work file)

Good luck in the future.

PS - I don't appreciate being called a "putz" because I encourage both-sides official intervention for such an important issue and allegation. I'm glad that both side's HRs were present. And - I don't care what "Satan"ta thinks of me.

0 Replies
 
Caroline
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Nov, 2010 08:01 am
Hell if you were in the other thread can a women be raped you'd be told by one of the male posters hawkeye or was it bill i forget, that she ought to feel flattered! Can you believe that!
0 Replies
 
 

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