Unwanted staring at the workplace?

I know, i know, late to the party again.

Most men presented with this situation would have apologised for their actions even if inadvertant.

I'm sorry, I had no intetention of making you feel uncomfortable. I'll do my best to ensure it doesnt happen again. Please let me know if you feel uncomfortable in my presence again.

One thing I would suggest you do is get a copy of any notes taken or official record of the HR meeting. Ask for a copy of any record from the other HR department as well. Make damned sure there are notes about him seeing you at the...? ATM (? was it) and at the mall and that you hadn't noticed him.
For the next couple of weeks keep notes on if when and where you encounter this chap and any actions he might make. nothing wrong with also recording that he didnt stare, approach etc. This will help sort your feelings into whether you are right or wrong or that the behavior has changed. Time date location his actions your feelings. Obviously you won't go out of your way to see him but if you do make a note.

.....Or you could threaten to set the racist Aussies on to him.

If that is what she likes you are safe from attack, kiss-arse.

By the by spider-g, have you seen this guy around lately?

we need updates!

Most men are not pathetic losers who want to impress a girl and the only way they can do it is by staring. This guy is not normal, but to worry and put the powers-that-be on to him is not very thoughtful of his feelings. Of course if you want to be dramatic and imagine he is a rapist and you are living a movie drama that is somehting else.

It could have been solved by getting a male friend to talk to him, preferably an older man.

Thanks for weighing in, Dadpad (will come to your post in a minute - or maybe tomorrow), and how timely your request for an update, Chai!

Well, I saw him today for the first time after the HR meeting last Tuesday (or was it Wed?). Twice.

During lunch, I was standing in queue to serve my plate from the buffet. I just happened to turn right and there he was. He was clean shaven, and it took me another long dart to ascertain it was him.

He was hurling some instructions in Hindi, in the same arrogant manner he denied my staring claims in the meeting, at the guys who serve food. He apparently said something rude, and the serving guy mumbled something along the lines of "You've gotta talk politely, chap."

I think he was aware of my presence, and that might have provoked that air out of him. He comes off as this special category of pseudo males from middle-class north India who are always trying to talk loudly and feign an air of dominance over the world. What a loser!

While picking my juice from the juice counter, I noticed he'd taken a seat - which did not face me - quite far from mine, and was eating alone.

Then, I was walking back to the "floor" from the cafeteria along with Mawnzee (closest female co-worker) around 5:30 PM, and I saw him coming towards our direction. I avoided eye contact with him, and pretended to be engaged in conversation with Mawnzee. Maybe that the wrong thing to do. I think I should have raised my eyes and looked straight into his to see if he's still got the balls to stare at me.

As I resumed work, I was a little distracted with thoughts of him. But then I successfully turned my attention to my office crush. And I was fine.

My gut says today's encounters were co-incidental, but I'm going to keep a note of all such future encounters in case he's onto something.

Well, there you go!

Nope. Exactly right. You don't need to challenge him because you've already done that, and done it the right way. Lets declare victory, but yeah, keep notes of any contact for awhile.

I think he might have lodged a complaint about you staring at him had you done so as you passed in the way you describe. You're sort of open to complaints about such behavior now, so I'd advise you to forget this guy, unless he does something odd. Keeping notes about where he sat and his conversation with food service workers makes you sound a little fixated, in my opinion. I would suggest only noting untoward behavior - for talking points to HR - but, in the absence of a further weirdness, I think it's healthy to forget this guy.

It appears he is well-informed of your feelings about being stared at by him - and has taken care to seat himself in such a manner as not to be possibly construed as staring at you. So, you obviously handled the problem efficiently. Kudos.

rationality, at last!

Narcissists hate it when they lose their audience.

He will reveal himself to others. I have a feeling that your incident was not the first or the last for him. Distance yourself from him. He's a time bomb.

You could well be right Lash.

more importantly.... Office crush?.... c'mon spill.

I was worried that it would have been handled better by an older male friend rather than the HR. I think if he is truly dangerous, the process has made him more underground and thus more dangerous.

I'm thinking there is a hint of explanation if this comment.

The alternate theory - that the HR interference will spur Creepo on - maybe right, but so far I haven't noticed any untoward behavior from the guy, so as Lash suggested, I'm not going to let this snowball into a huge issue in my mind. Why keep thinking about and watch out for him? Wasn't it the point of the whole initiative to involve HR to get him out of my head? That said, if at all I notice anything suspicious, I'll be sure to report to HR. I'm the vigilant kind anyway, so anything out of line won't escape my notice.

He probably is a narcissist, but I'm sure he is aware he may lose the job if this matter is 'escalated', so he would probably eat humble pie and stay out of my way, even though ideally he would have liked to get back at me.

Re: involving a male friend. First off, I'm not really friends with any stud types over here. My current crush is that sort of guy, but we're not great friends, so I can't expect him to bat for me in this case. And I'm really not very confident about this advice - a male friend of mine might invoke an aggressive response from this kind of guy. Involving a neutral and authoritative third party - HR in this case - was probably my best bet here.

Not in this thread!

Right, because we certainly can not allow for an alternative view to the assumption that you had your personal space transgressed upon by a man, because he had the temerity to look at you for what you decided was too long. Parish the thought that he may have gazed upon you with lust and/or desire to get to know you, that rather than the danger that you receipted that he was trying to transmit his availability to you.

You never bothered to find out

Lust? Yeah right. The Ted Bundy kind of lust maybe? I would rather not be an object of such lust, Hawkeye10.

There is a similarity in looks between Ted Bundy and GWB.

GWB Sr or Jr, specifically?

Both, thinking maybe senior is closer.