Unwanted staring at the workplace?

Hoping everything is ok, spidergal.

His HR person was with him?
Maybe HE's the one with the complaint.
This will be interesting . . .

Men are wired differently. They wired to objectify whereas women interact thru evolution as men were the povider in hunting while women were in the caves looking after the young ones. A fam0us scientist doesn't necessarily mean he is equally educated or gifted in every area of knowledge. He may be gifted in science and mathematics but rotten in human relations. I knew an Israeli professor who was brilliant but very abrasive. In class he singled out a pretty female student saying "you must be even better than every guy in order to be accepted" and insulted another student of color. This student as told to me talked back to him saying "if you are so brilliant how come you don't have the Nobel Prize". That shut him up. This professor was never rude to me as I was too smart to rile him up. I kept silent according to Wittgenstein's advice.

My point with my anecdote was that the person who I thought was staring at me in my past was not really. His eyes were not boring in at me, they were more like staring into space in my direction. After initially being disconcerted a time or two, I understood that and was comfortable that we chose the same table. He probably didn't mind that I was there, but the behavior wasn't about me.

In this case, I take it that Spidergal read the person staring at her differently, and eyes are a clue to some of this.

She was uncomfortable but you must know a litle about Hema Malini. I would put her in the B+ or B- in the beauty section but the roles she played were similar to Angelina Jolie i.e. she as a very good action figure female movie star. She resonates with guys so spidergal resembling Hema Malini probably attracts guys not because she is beautiful but she portrays someone guys could feel comfortable with. Hema Malini also plays good roles such as in Dream Girl who takes care of orphan kids and takes them to Disneyland. This was the 'dream girl' not of beauty but of personality.

You must learn a little about men staring at women (and probably vice versa and men to men, woman to woman). There are variations in this, some of little consequence as I described, some quite wonderful as I'll not describe, others scary. Misjudgements can be made, but I take fright as something to listen to.

Do you realize we have found that guy guilty with a trial by media based on sketchy details from spidergal. Where is the fair trial? The guy also has contacted HR so there maybe two sides to the issue.

There are at least two sides to every issue. I don't think we've found anyone guilty. We've found that she's very concerned about her own well-being and have counseled accordingly.

From all the comments there seems a consensus that the guy is the culprit.

No -- we're responding to a poster and the topic of her post "UNWANTED staring in the workplace".

If it was the guy here asking how to win over this gorgeous girl in the lunch room we'd be advising him how to do that.

Don't waste your breath. This clown has already proven that he has no conception of what this all means. He's been arguing with Spidergal and everyone else in the thread since he showed up.

Is staring a crime? spidergal may be uncomfortable but the establishment should have guidelines on harassment but you have the mindset of America and not India. Most developing countries still have the misogynistic heritage and there is not enough wealth yet for the populace to feel guilt. If you look in the western society, women could not vote even in 1947 and western societies were far wealthier than the developing countries of today. Comparatively speaking, India is doing well. Don't impose American attitudes, standards and judgement in a totally different scenario.

as I recall spider works in India,and I have no idea what the culture is there. In America the thing to do would be to either give him a piece of your mind, or have some big guy do it for you. Only if that did not work would i seek out HR, as being a persnickety law and order type (rat fink) is never good for ones reputation.

huh?

You don't read very well, do you? I just said we were answering the question asked by the OP. She's uncomfortable with the unwanted attention she's been getting at work. No one here has found him guilty of any crime. Where's that **** coming from?

I like that. Unfortunately, she doesn't know anyone as she is new.

It is not America. People stare at everyone in India. When in Rome do as the Romans do.

Likewise, don't excuse this behavior without understanding the potential risk to the object of this staring. I have not indicated that he is at fault, only that HR should be brought in to ascertain the appropriate level of concern and diffuse the situation in a manner that is in the best interest of both parties.

Is that a fact?

Okay I missed a bit


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_women's_suffrage

this is entirely possible...if true a it would not go well for a woman who complained....it could be considered the rejecting of a compliment, or as being uppity, or rat fink behaviour.

We should leave these question for people who understand Indian culture.