Unwanted staring at the workplace?

@talk72000,

talk72000 wrote:

You are a foreigner so it is not going to happen to you. But in a workplace or elsewhere with Indian girls it is quite common.

....and you know this because........? You've been trying to diminish spidergal's
concerns from the beginning. Who are you to question or discredit her
feelings?

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@CalamityJane,

Quote:

Who are you to question or discredit her
feelings?

actually, I think it was only me who raised the question of whether her reception was off. Most every other comment has been re what the appropriate response is..assuming that her perception is on target.

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Her perception is that the staring makes her uncomfortable. If she says it does, it does. However, all of us are sufficiently familiar with your misogyny to know that that's not something which would either occur to you, or be understood by you.

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@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

talk72000 wrote:
You are a foreigner so it is not going to happen to you. But in a workplace or elsewhere with Indian girls it is quite common.

....and you know this because........? You've been trying to diminish spidergal's
concerns from the beginning. Who are you to question or discredit her
feelings?

I think talk72000 is guilty of some inappropriate behavior himself and he defends this creepy act by saying it is normal. It's not normal or common, not in India or any other place. Staring at someone is rude everywhere. A man staring at a woman can be an act of control.

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@Green Witch,

Green Witch wrote:

Staring at someone is rude everywhere.

Amen to that.

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@Green Witch,

Quote:

Staring at someone is rude everywhere

How do you know? Have you been everywhere? I see a lot on the web about the staring being normal in the East. The individual is thought of differently in the East, I dont think that we can assume that Western distaste for staring is also the flavor of the East.

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Have you spent a lot of time in the East, Bubba? Staring is considered rude in Korea and Japan, or at least it was when i was there. I seriously doubt if that's changed. I say, as usual, you're just making **** up.

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@hawkeye10,

I've read in travel guides that in Italy and certain Spanish - speaking locati0ns, men staring at women is quite normal, acceptable and considered complimentary.

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@Setanta,

Quote:

I say, as usual, you're just making **** up.

I am not making any claims, I am simply pointing out that western beliefs about staring can not be assumed to translate to Eastern Cultures. We need more information.

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@Lash,

I have spent consideralbe time in Italy and have vacationed in Spain. It is true men will sometimes smile in an overly friendly way and even make an unwanted comment, but I didn't notice any extended staring to the point of making a woman uncomfortable. A look that checks you out is not the same as a bold, extend stare. I think Spider's guy was going well beyond the socially accceptable.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

We need more information.

No, you need to learm more--you need to get past the effect of your chosen, misogynistic views and understand that when Spidergal says this makes her uncomfortable, your personal political rhetoric is a bullshit response to a genuine problem. She knows better than you or i what is tolerated in her own culture.

1 Reply

@Green Witch,

I do believe the Italiens men love to oogle young women.

Whenever I've been to Italy, I have noticed the staring. It is glaring more so than I've seen any where. I even had one fine gentleman stare at me and my friend while holding the hand of a pregnant woman.

At first we thought - these boys love us because it happened all over. Then we realized that is just these Italien boys.

1 Reply

@Setanta,

Quote:

She knows better than you or i what is tolerated in her own culture.

I submit the by coming on a2k and asking a bunch of mostly westerners who dont know either her or her culture, and proclaiming to be confused about what she should do, calls into doubt both Spidergirls alleged expertise in the subject, as well as shows a lack of good sense in her attempts to educate herself.

I further suspect that what we have here is a case of a woman opinion shopping, looking for someone to tell her what she wants to hear so that she can justify an action that she already is determined to take. I think that when you ask western people about staring in the workplace you know before you ask the question what the answer is going to be.

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@hawkeye10,

I suspect that we can trust spidergal to know her culture better than we do, and to be able to judge when something is crossing the line from "culturally acceptable" to "creepy and disturbing."

The amusing thing to me is that you take some vague reference in a travel guide over someone who's actually living there and from the culture.

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@Linkat,

Behavior like this is widely reported. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences.

I'm definitely not using this information as a springboard to criticize Spidey. But, the blanket statement somewhere on this thread that staring isn't culturally accepted behavior ANYWHERE shouldn't stand as accurate.

1 Reply

@Green Witch,

Coming from you showing Chinese in small apartments as a laughing matter is also shows showed a lack of consideration. You showed a disdain for eastern culture even though many Jews survived the Holocaust in Shanghai China.

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@CalamityJane,

When Frankie Valli sang "Can't take my eyes off of you" is also about staring. So for an American it is okay to stare and call it love? There were no condemnation of that song so much so that it is repeated in High School Musical.

1 Reply

@Green Witch,

If you have any experience with filming or film stars in India you will see a huge crowd if there is a film star spotted. I used to go to movies and find huge crowds milling about and it was just to see an Indian star. That spidergal resembles an Indian movie star should help you realize that people will stare at her thinking she could be a movie star from a distance.

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@talk72000,

talk72000 wrote:

When Frankie Valli sang "Can't take my eyes off of you" is also about staring. So for an American it is okay to stare and call it love? There were no condemnation of that song so much so that it is repeated in High School Musical.

What? *confused* How old are you? Police (Sting) sang "Every breath you take, I'll be watching you....." That is by no means an invitation to everyone else to
do as some lyrics describe. Dto. for the movies: movies and reality are two different shoes, in case you don't know....

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@hawkeye10,

Even if we believe your assertion that I do not understand my culture (after having lived in the country for 20+ years, huh?) for a minute, in which culture, I beg you tell me, is staring at women to the point of making them uncomfortable acceptable?

Yes, I and other women encounter threatening stares from men a lot of times on the street, in the pub, and other public places, but we condemn it. We crib about how it makes our life difficult. We do not accept it. It's a stigma - we're forced to deal with it, but we do not want it. We do not accept it.

And I won't even bother answering you about my supposed stupidity on approaching a "bunch of Westeners" for help.

This is the last of your personal attacks on me that I'm addressing.

2 Replies

Unwanted staring at the workplace?

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