Married & kissed my husband's friend.

Yup. Honesty is the best policy.

Unless you're involved in a situation like this yourself, that is.

Then you need to wait for a while. Perhaps 3~8 decades, until one or the other is dead.

So.......

How's it going, HML?

Well, guy #3 has been out of state for a month. I deleted his # & decided not to talk to him anymore. Things have been better for the last couple wks. We'd even been talking to our pastor/counselor. He apologized for getting upset etc, even though he had a right to.
Things were getting better until <2 wks ago when my grandpa passed away. He was one of the most important people in my life & I was/still down & depressed about it. He was caring & understanding for a couple days, but then started getting annoyed at how sad I was. I guess he expects me to grieve in 3 days.
My grandma is out of state staying w/ my mom for a while. She's letting me stay there to be alone for a while & think things over. I'm tired of thinking about it & dealing w/it. I know I'm at fault & brought it on myself. But it's just a freakin kiss. I saw what losing my grandpa did to my grandma & it made me realize how I don't want to lose my husband. Esp not for something that I purposely caused. But he doesn't want me back for now.
I'm at least not out of a job. Things are getting better at work but not back to nl, obviously. I haven't been around my boss or his family lately(understandably), which is hard because they're some of the only people I know around here at the moment. Anyway, that's what's up if anyone cares.

Hopefully, this will be a learning experience for you.

But don't use your grandpa's death as a reason to stay with a man. Maybe you can ask your grandma (later) what held them together all those years.

I think you were very vunerable before and are real vunerable now. You will grief this death and then move on. But you need to face this husband relationship straight on. Try to separate the two incidents.

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My advice is probably not one that most here would support but I'm going to say it anyways because from my perspective you have not done anything wrong.

If your husband is not giving you the attention you need then by all means what's so wrong with finding it somewhere else? I say there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. If your husband would have been giving you the attention then chances are you wouldn't have any need to look elsewhere for it.

This is why I don't like the idea of marriage or monogamy because humans just are not cut out for it on emotional levels despite what they try to argue. There is absolutely nothing within our lives that we take solely and live with, nothing. Except when it comes to relationships we try to claim that they should be taken that way. Rarely does it ever work, and the only time it does is when both people are providing the needs the other requires. Once that fails, the marriage is doomed.

You have needs and if those needs are not met then by all means you should be allowed to find it without being criticized for it. But people want to live in fantasy land and assume that people never change and needs are always met. And that if you change or your needs change that it is some how your fault for allowing that to happen. Or that you should just suck it up and not change or deal with your needs in some other way. It doesn't work yet they will insist that it does.

Be honest. Tell your husband. Be honest with your self too. If the marriage fails it is not your fault alone, it is his as well for not upholding his half of the bargain. The truth is not always easy to face but we should face it otherwise we may end up in a situation that makes us miserable just because we didn't want to face it.

But the expression " the attention you need" is expandable to suit any circumstance.

"But the expression " the attention you need" is expandable to suit any circumstance. "

It doesn't matter. Why should a person be dictated to or forced to hold a certain list of things and never change that list? It is silly to force someone to maintain a relationship that they no longer find appealing. Those who want to try and claim the person is at fault for changing their needs is not being sympathetic to the person but instead they are catering to the idea that marriage should be a certain way and it should not be otherwise. That is wrong to do and it creates more harm in the world to force such a mindset onto people. It should be abandoned.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or expecting a relationship to last for "ever" but the reality is more than likely it won't. So why make someone feel ashamed for wanting out of the relationship if they have changed? That is only making the problem worse not better.

I can't help wondering what would happen if everybody agreed with you. That it "creates no harm" is just a seat-of-the-pants assertion.

I so totally agree with you! The very second that kiss occurred every thing change. If she really wants to right this wrong she needs to tell his friend it was a time of weakness and meant nothing, then tell her husband what happened and what prompted her to do it. Then she can live stress free knowing she has nothing to hide.