Married & kissed my husband's friend.

Well it's late & I've been trying to call & email him. I don't even know where to stay if he doesn't let me back in(since my boss's house is out). I can't talk to him about anything if he won't lemme call or see him. Guess I just need to give it time. Thx for all the advice so far though.

Yes, agree on that.

Do you have any family or friends who you can spend a couple of nights with? And, I wouldn't share what happened. He's humiliated.

Yeah, too.

I think Lash has been spot on with what she's had to offer here. Some thoughtful and compassionate suggestions....

Nice bumping into you. I could doubtlessly work on my delivery re: compassionate sounding, but I think those of us who've needlessly made mistakes in marriage hope to draw on our shortcomings to help others find a better path. Hope all is happy and cozy in your universe.

I like you just as you are for what that's worth .

Wow! (curtseys) Much appreciated, Bear. Worth a lot.

I thought your delivery was just fine. Your suggestions were clearly coming from experience, and from the heart.

I especially liked what you had to offer about sparing her guy by not telling him what happened, and about talking to the guy she kissed and setting him straight about it never happening again.

Well to answer that, I already told him. Kind of by mistake. Read on P2 I think...& as far as the other guy is concerned. He was kinda mad that I told since his dad is super mad at him, & me (work has been awkward). But he says, I think jokingly, now that my husband knows & he isn't talking to me & I'm not staying at home, we can actually hang out now w/o worrying about him. I'm not sure where to go w/that & don't think I could trust myself alone w/ him again.

You said: I'm not sure where to go w/that & don't think I could trust myself alone w/ him again.

Girlfriend, you are mixed up.

Take care of your marriage before you jump into a relationship!!
Either get out or work at it.

Yes I know I'm mixed up. I don't wanna lose my husband, but when I think about why, it's not because of what I thought. We own a home & that would be difficult. I'd have nowhere to stay. Then I'd have to deal w/ divorce crap that costs money. & I've never had to break up w/ someone so since this is much bigger than that, I really don't know how to say sorry I don't want to be w/ u.

Wow, just read all this and my first thought is, what a bunch of juveniles. It all sounds very immature. A lot of anger, a lot of acting out on passions without thought of consequences. You both need to learn how to communicate without punching walls. Your dad is mad? How did he get involved. You sound like a bunch of children that got married way too soon. You are acting like my 2 and 4 year old grandchildren. Very selfish.

No, you can't trust yourself alone with #3. So why even entertain that thought. Even if your marriage goes bad, stay away from that guy until maybe 2 years after the divorce.

You and your spouse are both being very self centered and selfish. If you want to save the marriage, get some counseling and pay attention. Learn how to understand the other person's point of view and how you make them feel.

Don't let this be the first in a string of bad relationships. Learn from it and try to see what is really causing your feelings and what you can do with your own behavior to improve things.

Either way, get some help. From a counselor or clergy if you go that way.

You are kid and it's time to grow up.

Very, very good advice. Hear Hear. Agree one hundred percent. Very mature and fair way to handle the whole situation. If the discussion doesn't work out, try counselling as a last resort and if that doesn't work, then leave honestly and never mention the kiss with the friend. Down the track, if the friend shows interest and only after the ex husband is happy with someone else, could that relationship ever be considered.

The dad, is the dad of #3, who is also my boss & family friend. After I told my husband I kissed him, he went to talk to my boss & told him everything. Now he's pissed at me, & his son #3. I know I'm childish because I married the 1st & only guy I've ever dated in & after highschool. I didn't want to get married but thought I'd been w/ him so long (only 4 yrs btw) that I should marry him. Plus he'd moved 600 miles for me. I have growing up to do & a lot of imp crap to figure out. I wish it were easier & someone should've tried to tell me not to jump into marriage. Oh well.

Hey, that was 100% your decision. You probably wouldn't have listened to anyone anyway. I know I wouldn't have when I (unwisely) married at the age of 19.

Yes, you do need to grow up. And...good news! By figuring out how to straighten out this mess you've gotten yourself into, you will. The first step will be accepting responsibility for your actions. You have created this mess. Once you figure out how you got here, then you can start working on a solution.

Warning: the easy way out almost always turns out to be a bad idea. Take it from someone who learned that the hard way.

I understand. It's not easy. I'm 40 years older than you and still have relationship issues, but they don't threaten our marriage. You have to be able to communicate with your spouse in a non threatening way. You both need to get that message.

Some lessons are harder to learn. There are a few times I wish I'd had that good advice too. Pay attention. Next time, don't kiss the boss's son, or get married because you thought you should!

Live and learn

Don't kiss and tell

Love hurts


As you get older you'll be surprised how all these sayings and songs become more meaningful.

In the least, HML, get a therapist to help you work through where you went wrong before getting serious with anyone in the future. The only thing worse than this happening to you and him - is it happening to you and someone else next year.

I hope you have a place to stay.

A promise: Staying married because of the expense and difficulty of divorce is a seriously awful and potentially dangerous reason to stay married. If you honestly know this is why you're still with him - please do your husband and yourself a favor and end the marriage for good.

Snood, (nods, smiling)

Well, staying in a marriage because you don't want to go through the hassle of divorce is a great way to spend the next few years of your life miserable. Unless the two of you are both committed to figuring out how to make your relationship work for both of you then it isn't going to happen. You've already decided that you don't want to be with him and that you really didn't want to marry him. Based on what you've said about how you've spent your first two years together it sounds like he may be thinking the same thing. So.... why would two people who don't want to be together and didn't really want to get married in the first place think they'll figure out a way to find happiness that's going to last for the next 60 years?

Think about it... you're in your early 20s and unhappily married. How's it going to be 10, 25, 30, 50+ years from now?

Try to get some personal counseling to help sort through the stuff in your head. Then, if you want to try to make your marriage work, get some couples counseling. If he's not the kind of guy who is going to someday be able to look past you kissing his friend then get it over with and move on.

It wasn't a joke. Dude is looking to get laid.