Question: Do you consider yourself passive aggressive?

Forums: Psychology, Passive Aggressive, Assertive
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If so, why do you behave this way?

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Type: Question • Score: 13 • Views: 8,260 • Replies: 77

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@chai2,

I consider myself aggresive-aggressive.

1 Reply

@chai2,

absolutely, because it works. But it's not my fault, Lady Diane made me this way.

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@boomerang,

I consider myself assertive-assertive.

It seems the only people who consider me aggressive are those who are passive aggressive.

Anyway.

I truly am curious if people who are this way know it, and why they consider this an optimum way to communicate and move about life.

Or, does one not consider it optimum, but for some reason doesn't try another way.

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What do you mean by that? Are you trying to "suggest" something?

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@chai2,

I can be all kinds of aggressive. or not.

I don't think it defines who I am.

mebbe i'm wrong...

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I have been passive/aggressive in my life. Because that is not the way we operate when I am at work, I have changed. I still get impulses to be that way, but in the end reject them.

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I think passive-aggressive people are afraid of confrontation so they just chip away at a problem until everyone around them is exasperated.

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@Setanta,

Setanta wrote:

What do you mean by that? Are you trying to "suggest" something?

hmmm, that's way too aggressive an answer, if you're trying to pose as someone passive aggressive.

I've found that it lies more in what is Not asked or said. (but which should have been)

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@boomerang,

I was going to get a new chipper this year but they've gotten way to expensive and Diane won't let me but in time I'm sure I'll wear her down.

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@chai2,

Are you saying that was a pose ? ! ? ! ?

I got yer aggressive right here, Babycakes, an' there ain't nothin' passive about it!

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@edgarblythe,

edgarblythe wrote:

I have been passive/aggressive in my life. Because that is not the way we operate when I am at work, I have changed. I still get impulses to be that way, but in the end reject them.

Ah!

Thanks for stopping by Edgar.

I'm seriously interested in this.

Why do you get impulses to be this way, and what do you believe this behavior gains you?

Do you think people who behave this way are generally aware of it, or not?

1 Reply

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

I think passive-aggressive people are afraid of confrontation so they just chip away at a problem until everyone around them is exasperated.

I think that's part of it, the fear of confrontation.

However, I don't understand this willingness to exasperate, even anger others, as well as slow down and/or sabotage events or people.

Clear communication among groups of people always envolves challenges, when all must work harder, because of 1 person (if that's the only P/A person in the group or relationship) seems wasteful and potentially explosive.

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@chai2,

I think it gets them off the hook for being the "bad guy".

They simper and sabotage until their victim explodes. That way they can get what they want while the other guy is "mean".

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@chai2,

Well, I feel the other guys don't treat my tools with respect. I feel sometimes the staff does not take into consideration my age and how long I have been there when telling me what to do or don't do. To diectly confront them would create a worse situation than simply rolling with it, from my perspective. So, I get passive/aggressive impulses, although check them. All things must pass, as they say, and none of this will go on enough to hurt me.

1 Reply

I checked out a definition from Wikipedia:

Ambiguity or speaking cryptically: a means of engendering a feeling of insecurity in others
Chronically being late and forgetting things: another way to exert control or to punish.
Fear of competition
Fear of dependency
Fear of intimacy as a means to act out anger: The passive aggressive often cannot trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone.
Making chaotic situations
Making excuses for non-performance in work teams
Obstructionism
Procrastination
Sulking
Victimization response: instead of recognizing one's own weaknesses, tendency to blame others for own failures.

I have a few of these qualities, but mostly I'm the opposite. I think the circumstances dictate which qualities emerge as dominant. The one constant is sulking. I can sulk for decades--and do.

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@chai2,

Quote:

Question: Do you consider yourself passive aggressive?

not all the time

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@edgarblythe,

edgarblythe wrote:

Well, I feel the other guys don't treat my tools with respect. I feel sometimes the staff does not take into consideration my age and how long I have been there when telling me what to do or don't do. To diectly confront them would create a worse situation than simply rolling with it, from my perspective. So, I get passive/aggressive impulses, although check them. All things must pass, as they say, and none of this will go on enough to hurt me.

I'm not getting how you consider "rolling with it" P/A. That is, if by rolling with it you mean not saying anything, and they have no idea something is bothering you.

What would be an impulse towards that situation that you would repress?

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No, not at all. I'm on your assertive-aggressive side. I think you should say what you're thinking (if it matters to you) but it's all in how you say it.

I've been known to simmer and stew at bosses, though. But it usually gets dealt with or blows over quickly.

I always feel passive-aggressive people are silent punishers. They don't like what you did so they'll be late because they know it bugs you or will make you late. Or the wife who expected her husband to read her mind but when he didn't, she'll ruin his dinner. That's the kind of thing I consider passive-aggressive.

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No, I don't consider myself passive-aggressive, but if you think I am that's fine. No, seriously, go ahead, I really don't care.

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Question: Do you consider yourself passive aggressive?

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