@tsarstepan,
You would think that an alien from another star system that could send a space craft this far would also have the intelligence how to orbit earth 1st to slow down and then enter our atmosphere when the space craft has slowed enough. Oh well!
I don't know if this story is true. I just copied it from one who also copied.
AUGH, so my neighbors have been complaining about my dogs barking. I hate the electric zap collars, so I went on Amazon and purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently, they don't like it. This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid…And that's where my morning should have ended.
But no, it's me, and I become curious as to “how” the collars actually work, so I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. (Don't judge me lol)
Nothing happens. 🤷🏻♀️
I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. 📃 Again, I bark.
Nothing happens. 🤔
Now, I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. 🥴
Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, (who knew 🤷🏻♀️) because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face! I began coughing, 😮💨 which only caused the collar to continue squirting citronella spray over and over into my nasal cavity. 🤧
I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the 🐕dog is barking!
So, between coughing and yelling at her to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. 😶🌫️During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco! 😬
I finally get the collar off and threw, yes, I THREW that inhumane thing across the yard, and laid in the grass sucking in the hot humid air. 😳
In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe. 🤬 Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to walk over, you'd set it off again and then I would start laughing and I couldn't make it." (Gee thanks jerkface) 🤨
So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too.😡 After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went inside to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.
Lesson learned... next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) I’ll make sure that:
!..Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
2. Remember my neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation. On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days! (eternal optimist here)
Mohamad Safa
@mhdksafa
·
4h
“I was thrown out of the break room of my Walmart yesterday.
They asked me what I was doing there.
I told them I was on a break.
They said you don’t work here. I said I'd just finished using the self checkout so clearly I do.”
A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip,
so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her
occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his
situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't
know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so
many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!'
The husband said, 'The what'?
The man repeated, 'The Magic
Penis,' and pulled out what
seemed to be an ordinary dildo.
The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a
dildo!'
The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic
Penis door!'
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and
started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door
shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to
form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic
Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and
returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.
After the husband had been gone a few days,
the wife remembered the Magic Penis.
She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic
Penis, my crotch.'
The penis shot to her crotch..
It was absolutely incredible. After three mind
shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided
she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it
was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how
to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and
started for the closest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her
swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this
and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't
had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got
this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't
stop screwing me.'
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and
replied, 'Yeah right.... Magic Penis, my ass...!'
The rest, as they say, is history...
Jerome Horwitz, famous for playing CURLY in "THE THREE STOOGES", was known to all as a protector of dogs. Curly's contract with Columbia Pictures included a clause that allowed his dogs to accompany him on the studio lot. Columbia limited it to no more than two dogs at a time, this due to the puppies' unplanned on-camera appearances from time to time. You can still see those surprise dog on set invasions in the first few short films. Typically surrounded by various dogs, Curly was known to come home with a stray dog and foster it until he could find it a permanent home. When the Stooges were out on the road, Curly took it upon himself to find a new home for at least one stray dog in every town they visited. Curly is estimated to have saved and rescued more than 5,000 dogs in his lifetime. This makes him a man ahead of his time, with a very admirable concern for man's best friend.❤️
"Incredibly realistic sand sculpture... Made by Spanish 🇪🇸 artist Andoni Bastarrika. 7 sand sculptures by him 👇
https://t.co/JF8P1O7ZV9
@hingehead,
Yeah, especially that stuff under its tail.......
@hingehead,
Wow!. Fantastic talent he has.
@Builder,
The irony is too thick for you to have gotten it.
@bobsal u1553115,
Toasted marshmallow deodorant is a thing.
And yes! I would buy it (at a reasonable pricepoint) if I found it in an accessible store to me.
SuzeQKnits
@SuzeQKnits
·
Sep 21
Please someone tell me people ain't cooking chicken in NyQuil?
Wtf....😳
@edgarblythe,
If you can bake "pot" in brownies, why not cook chicken in NyQuil??? :-)
@Phoenix32890,
For one thing, cooking medicines concentrates their properties and makes them dangerous.
