Mel Brooks
@MelBrooks
Thanks for all the birthday greetings! To tell the truth, I don’t feel like 96 at all—I feel a lot more like 95.
"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it." -Sir Terry Pratchett
Somebody posted this on Twitter
Just when I thought I’d seen it all, I open a case where we thought the patient had a lung tumor. Nope. It was a fir seed he inhaled years ago that started to grow
@edgarblythe,
The only decent thing he has done in his life - resign! Puts him ahead of Trump in the political game.......
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded,
“Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We're taking United Airlines,"was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“United Airlines!” exclaimed the barber. “That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?
”
“We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
“That dump! That's the worst hotel in Rome. The rooms are small, the service is surely and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it!”
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful," explained the man.“Not only were we on time in one of United Airline's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful young stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel! Well, it was great! They'd
just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They were overbooked too, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,”muttered the barber. “I know you didn't get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked in. As I knelt down he spoke to me.”
“What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Where did you get this lousy haircut?"
@Builder,
Did you tell the Pope you got that haircut in Logan Central???
BBC headline
India man wins 22-year court battle against railways over 21 pence
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach
> > about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want
> > you all to read Mark 17."
> >The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the
> >minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had
> >read Mark 17. Every hand went up.
> >
> >The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I
> >will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
@edgarblythe,
He should have been grateful they turned up.
@tsarstepan,
Well, they should be punished. I could do better! They've been around 10 years, though - why all the attention now?
These identical twins married identical twins. Now they have sons. "The Salyerses’ unusual marriages are known as quaternary marriage, and their sons are known as quaternary twins."
Washington Post story:
https://t.co/2imUv8yZnF
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac?
He stayed awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.
Fun Fact: Pufferfish release a toxin when they puff out that is meant to impair the attacker, so they can safely escape. Ironically, this doesn’t work on dolphins in the same way.. it actually gets them high. So they purposely inflate them and pass them around to their dolphin friends for fun.
