Do you know how to handle bullying?

Hopefully, the Karate Kid will teach the bully a few things. When my grandaughter was being bullied by a horse-size girl she got busy developing her body by riding horses, then dancing. She is 5'8 now and has the most gorgeous legs and body and is still friends with that girl, who was having a miserable experience at home. Had my grandaughter not changed herself, that girl might still be a bully because her home situation may not have changed. Both girls got counseling.

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@Pemerson,

Quote:

that girl might still be a bully because her home situation may not have changed

Bullies at school are often bullies in other parts of their life as well, such as with sibs.....victims at school are often victims in other parts of their life, such as at home. I think very often school victims are victims of abuse at home at the hands of the parents, which is why I am not thrilled with these new bulling laws which ring up the schools for failing to prevent a problem at school which is largely either caused or facilitated at home by the parents.

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Hawkeye, all rules don't apply to all things. But, you're right, a kid's problems begin at home. Smart people know how to make changes. Pity the kids whose parents don't.

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And kids who bully at school also may be bullied themselves at home by parents; they are exhibiting transference by inflicting the same pain they feel onto others. Thus, the arbitrary classification of bullied = weak and bully = strong doesn't work, because here the bully is also the bullied, though in different situations.

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@Pangloss,

Quote:

Thus, the arbitrary classification of bullied = weak and bully = strong doesn't work, because here the bully is also the bullied, though in different situations.

I am not going to document, but I remember seeing studies that show that there are some minority of those involved in the dynamic who are switches....sometimes the aggressor and sometimes the victim. However, as I recall this number is below 10%. The majority stick to one or the other side.

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@wmwcjr,

Thank you - I was going to say a similar thing.

Many have said that not backing down will prepare one better for adulthood. But as adults it is not acceptable to hit another person - you get arrested for that. How is learning to beat the crap out of another child, make you better prepared to handle things as adults?

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Thank you - I was going to say a similar thing.

Many have said that not backing down will prepare one better for adulthood. But as adults it is not acceptable to hit another person - you get arrested for that. How is learning to beat the crap out of another child, make you better prepared to handle things as adults?

It can be a matter of survival, Linkat.
A grievous, permanent personal injury can be inflicted in a fraction of a second.

It IS acceptable to hit another person on a defensive basis.

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@Pangloss,

I think a big difference is being lost here.

Teasing and crap like that is different than bullying. Bullying is threatening behavior that goes beyond the minor taunting and teasing that can be ignored. Bullying is when teasing because threatening behavior.

Teasing is not good behavior, but like some said, you sorta gotta learn how to handle it and get through. That is behavior you should stand up to and/or ignore or avoid if possible.

Bullying is different - it is mean, threatening and violent. It crosses the line.

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@OmSigDAVID,

I agree - defense is not criminal - I meant in cases like bullying. It is not acceptable for a co-worker to punch in the face because you didn't pay for his lunch (ie the lunch money bully) and would result in the co-worker being fired and highly likely arrested for assault.

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@Linkat,

Quote:

Bullying is different - it is mean, threatening and violent. It crosses the line

WRONG

Quote:

What is school bullying?
Bullying is a form of violence that hurts others. School bullying happens at school or during
school-sponsored activities when a student or group of students intentionally and repeatedly
uses their power to hurt other individuals or groups. Bullies’ power can come from thier
physical strength, age, financial status, popularity, social status, technology skills, or by
association (the people they know, who they hang out with, who their family is).
What do bullies do?
They can bully in direct ways, such as:
• hitting, tripping, shoving, pinching, excessive tickling;
• verbal threats, name calling, racial slurs, insults;
• demanding money, property, service; and
• stabbing, choking, burning and shooting.
They can also bully in indirect ways, such as:
• rejecting, excluding, isolating;
• ranking or rating, humiliating;
• manipulating friends and relationships;
• writing hurtful or threatening e-mails and postings on web sites; and
• blackmailing, terrorizing, and proposing dangerous dares.

http://www.schoolsafety.us/pubfiles/bullying_fact_sheets.pdf

As has happened with the definition of rape, bullying is now so inclusive as to be nearly meaningless.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Bullying is different - it is mean, threatening and violent. It crosses the line.

We can all come up with our own definition of bullying, but the popular definition now seems to just be a rather useless blanket term for any type of harassment (verbal or physical), or even criticism, of others. At least in my many years of going through public schools, what was called bullying rarely involved actual violence or serious threats.

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@Pangloss,

Bullying is basically doing anything that another person does not like...they can object, call you a bully, and the school adults will make them stop it. The schools are now backed up by law.

Those who chose to identify as the victim are now free to bully everyone around them. Aren't we such an advanced society??!! *sarcasm*

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@hawkeye10,

Everybody is trained to be so sensitive these days, they go running for the authorities at the first sign of hurt feelings or a harmless joke taken the wrong way. I agree that a serious violent threat, or physical violence, should be handled by schools -- those things are illegal. But the rest of it should be protected by freedom of speech, and I'd like to see someone challenge these "anti-bullying" laws for being unconstitutional.

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@hawkeye10,

WRONG! Everyone has a different interpretation of school bullying. I am referring to bullying that goes over the line as in bullying that needs and should be dealt with. Even in some cases criminally.

Maybe you may feel that violent action among children should be worked out among them, but I feel that violent action among children leads to violent adults.

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@hawkeye10,

Actually most of what you defined there is abusive, violent and threatening so I am not wrong. The behaviors you list there do cross the line.

They are not teasing and taunting they cross the line.

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@hawkeye10,

Yeah I don't much like choking I guess when my co-workers chokes me, I should just suck it up and deal with it.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Yeah I don't much like choking I guess when my co-workers chokes me, I should just suck it up and deal with it.

Nice job attacking the strawman.

The thing is, we already have laws against choking. That would be assault, battery, or maybe attempted murder. So what's your point?

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@Pangloss,

Point is this is one of the listed items among bullying - similar to most of the other definations. Besides one item, they are all violent and threatening that is the point.

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@Pangloss,

First line in the defination:
Bullying is a form of violence that hurts others.

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@Pangloss,

Quote:

tripping, shoving, pinching, excessive tickling;
• verbal threats, name calling, racial slurs, insults;
• demanding money, property, service; and
• stabbing, choking, burning and shooting.
They can also bully in indirect ways, such as:
• rejecting, excluding, isolating;
• ranking or rating, humiliating;
• manipulating friends and relationships;
• writing hurtful or threatening e-mails and postings on web sites; and
• blackmailing, terrorizing, and proposing dangerous dares.
Quote:

1 Reply

Do you know how to handle bullying?

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