Do you know how to handle bullying?

@hawkeye10,

I actually agree with you about young women who have been sexually or physically abused in their childhood, but I think the bullying of children in schools is a bit more complicated since children are bullied for all sorts of reasons. These unfortunate women do need professional counseling so they will know how to avoid ending up in such relationships. But the moral guilt for abuse still lies on the abusers themselves.

1 Reply

@wmwcjr,

Quote:

But the moral guilt for abuse still lies on the abusers themselves

I dont agree, the abuser/victim dynamic requires both poles to be in place to work....take away either the abuser or the victim and the dynamic dies.

I am not clear on why we should try to make schools a no bullying zone when adults bully each other constantly. Dealing with bullies is a required life skill, I see no good that can come from not letting kids learn this life skill.

I do start to agree with the anti bullying lobby when we start talking about how harm can be done, these are not fully formed adults and thus are entitled to oversight, how we must do what we can to see that the downside is limited. I think the line when I grew up is good, if there is a serious problem come to the adults and they will see that something is done, if it is a minor problem complaining to the adults rather than handling it yourself is going to land you in a jackpot. If you cant handle minor problems yourself then you damn well better learn, and fast.

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@hawkeye10,

This may surprise you, but I think we may actually agree on certain points. Of course, dealing with bullies needs to be learned. The problem is that many bullied children don't know what to do. Many of them suffer in silence, not even telling their parents. You and I may be looking at this issue from different perspectives. I'm not accusing you now of necessarily following this mindset, but what I've never liked about the "blame the victim" mentality is that it absolves the bully of personal responsibility. But, on the other hand, the victim does not help himself by doing nothing to improve his situation. In this latest post of yours, you seem to show more compassion for bullied kids, which I appreciate. And I, on my part, recognize that the best compassion is that which is most practical and effective.

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@hawkeye10,

I might ask you this question about bullied children needing to learn what you call a "life skill" in how to deal with bullies: In order for children to learn something, they must be taught. I don't see any programs teaching children how to deal with bullies. Until recent years bullied kids didn't even have a voice.

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@wmwcjr,

Quote:

In order for children to learn something, they must be taught. I don't see any programs teaching children how to deal with bullies

My youngest is 16, we have sometimes been in schools that employ a full time person whos only job is to teach anti bulling skills, and to monitor children for social dynamic problems. I don't know how the average school is as we have always been in well funded districts except for the first few years in California, but anti bullying programs have been the norm for us.

Not that I approve mind you of having an adult devoted to this, I would rather kids work it out themselves, but I have fully supported an organized effort to teach about bullying in the classroom. The message used to be 1) this is how you handle a bully 2) this is when you should take the problem to an adult 3) you dont have to put up with a bully. I suppose the message today is bullying is a crime and to always report it, in order to stay current with the laws, which is too bad.

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This is fascinating. As it turns out, we're not too far apart in our thinking (well, at least to a degree). When I was a teenager, there were no programs at all to help bullied kids cope with their situation. They were just left to suffer alone. Most bullied kids are not apt to tattle because pride, quite understandably, is involved. The problem with having kids settle their disputes by themselves is when there isn't an even match. 1981's situation, which I cited (copied and pasted, rather), is a good example of this. Again, I'm startled that we have some apparent agreement. I'm a father myself. Both of mine are now young adults.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Not that I approve mind you of having an adult devoted to this, I would rather kids work it out themselves, but I have fully supported an organized effort to teach about bullying in the classroom. The message used to be 1) this is how you handle a bully 2) this is when you should take the problem to an adult 3) you dont have to put up with a bully. I suppose the message today is bullying is a crime and to always report it, in order to stay current with the laws, which is too bad.

WHAT were 1 and 2 ?

I have never been witness to much bullying,
but I imagine that it is probably very INDIVIDUAL,
and has to be dealt with as to the particular circumstances involved.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

Actually, David, I think you're right.

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@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

WHAT were 1 and 2 ?

it has prob been 7 years since a kid bought the pamphlets home, I don't remember that kind of detail.

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@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

Actually, David, I think you're right.

Presumably, in some cases, the police shoud be summoned on an emergency basis (when violence is in progress)
and in other cases, it is just a matter of people in disagreement, reconciling their differences n demanding satisfaction.

David

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I still say Hawkeye10 - AKA - Myopic Dodo Bird is a low-life sanctimonious scum-bag piece of dog ****.

I'm never going to forget how in one of his posts over at another forum topic titled "Wife's intimacy with lesbian friend" he said the following . . . . .

"I catch hell for saying this in the childhood sexual abuse survivor community, but I have come to the conclusion that often abuse is nearly a blessing."

Child sexual abuse is not a blessing!

Hawkeye10 deserves to die!

I hope somebody beats him to death with a lead pipe . . . . .

ON HIS MAMA'S PORCH WITH HIS MAMA LOOKIN' ON!!!

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For the record, I am ashamed of the way I spoke to hawkeye10 and pangloss in this topic, losing my temper instead of keeping cool. Sad

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@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

For the record, I am ashamed of the way I spoke to hawkeye10 and pangloss in this topic, losing my temper instead of keeping cool.

I have a hunch that Hawkeye is accustomed to that, by now. He does not have a glass jaw.
I don 't believe that u r aware of the extent of personal abuse that he has absorbed in years b4 u arrived.

David

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@OmSigDAVID,

not absorbed, dave.

encouraged.

pleaded for, even...

1 Reply

@Rockhead,

Rockhead wrote:

not absorbed, dave.

encouraged.

pleaded for, even...

Bullshit, I just refuse to stay quiet when I am told to......I learned how to deal with bullies as a kid, I know what to do with you boys now.

1 Reply

@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

For the record, I am ashamed of the way I spoke to hawkeye10 and pangloss in this topic, losing my temper instead of keeping cool.

No worries, but you should take the time to figure out why your nerve twitched. I assume that it is related to a childhood that was never fully processed, but it is never too late to do it and to find peace.

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@hawkeye10,

so you are accusing me of bullying you?

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@hawkeye10,

I should add that I know from working with childhood sexual assault victims that this idea that injury from trauma suffered in childhood must be a life long debilitation is wrong...overcoming adversity always makes us better, those who are abused and overcome have the capacity to become stronger and more psychologically agile than are those who have lived a life of peace and plenty. Adversity can be a gift if you work at it, including abuse. It does not work if those who are abused are treated as victims, if they are constantly helped and told how bad they have life. I am incredibly hostile to the victim culture because I have seen first hand how much damage it does. Very few victims ever become recovered and whole survivors, not because they are weak, but because we the collective are stupid about how we deal with abuse and its result.

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@Rockhead,

Rockhead wrote:

so you are accusing me of bullying you?

You are a bully, but you probably dont know it, and you attempt to hide it with humor.

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@hawkeye10,

you are an idiot, but you probably DO know it.

and you try to hide it with shock value and chicken littlism...

1 Reply

Do you know how to handle bullying?

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