For Parents

Hey Shawn

Welcome to A2K

You're 19... right? How old is your sister?

Lots of parents here, hopefully someone will be able to give you some sound advice.

she is ten

Hey...

OK... well, your little sister is just a wee kid... and I know how terrible little girls can be... I was 10 many moons ago.

Thing is... your parents are the adults, and so are you - you are 19... but your kid sister is a little girl, and her world probably exists around her. How do your parents handle things when she's throwing a hissy fit? Are you living at home? Do you get on with your sister? Do you get on with your parents?

What more can you tell us about her behaviour. Try and give us a little more information and we'll see what some other parents have to say. I don't have little girls but I'm a mom ... kids are kids... the world over. What kinda things does your sister do to wind your parents up?

You know, you're a great big brother for trying to find out how to help the communication within your family... good on you young man.

she likes to put things off to get my parents mad.like her homework
talks back too often. she doesnt see they are getting tried of it though.
when she get mad she shuts off not want to do as told.

do your folks discipine her for things like homework? you know... like, she can't go out 'til homework is done, withholding treats, lifts to her mates etc. Not sure if you are US based (I'm here in the UK) and the UK disciplining is a little different. If she doesn't do her homework, would the teachers not make her do it at school... or could your folks go to the school and say if homework is not handed in, that she misses break time. She's pushing boundaries for whatever reasons. Stamping her feet.

Same with talking back...

Thing is... it's up to Mom and Dad to be the grown ups and enforce the "family " rules - could you maybe suggest a family meeting - maybe once a week... I dunno if that is realistic.... hopefully others will come on and advise other stuff (it's 1am here I gotta climb up to bed now). Theres a great couple of gals on here who I've sent messages too to see if they can post tomorrow.... so please do check back. OK.

Does she throw hissy fits and scream and shout... or is she back chatting and just will not respond to your parents.

Have you tried sitting down with her, maybe in her space - like her room - and having a bro-sis chat? Would that be possible. I guess it depends how you get on. Can you advise her of how you acted at her age?

This must be very difficult for you. But you are a 19 year old lad.. and tho you can back your parents up when kid sis is playing up... you need to let your parents enforce discipline within the home. Family rules are family rules... don't like that word rules.... but you know what I mean. Everyone has to live under the same roof... and no matter the age... at 10 she does know the difference between right and wrong.

Peer pressure, school, friends, hormones, maturing... it all plays a part too... the family dynamics, how mom and dad act.... all sorts of triggers.

Your folks need to handle this. But you can try and talk to her, til she will listen, maybe take her out for icecream or something (maybe she's too old for that - but I would think she probably has crushes on her big bro's friends) - be her friend and her big brother... and let your parents sort out her attitude. There may be reasons you aren't aware of. Keep calm with her, don't belittle her, try and talk. But her behaviour is not your responsibility love. You need to be living your life. Talk to your parents too... if you are all living together - they need to get some boundaries put in place.... for your kid sisters sake, as well as the rest of the family. They have to make the boundaries clear of what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Talking back.... is not one. Homework... if it's not done... why.... does she have any learning difficulties... peers not doing homework either. What does the school do to help this situation? Sorry... lots of questions.

Will be back tomorrow.... keep writing if you want to and that will bump your thread up.... on Sunday, a lot of people wont be posting.... but tomorrow there will be more of us "parent folk" around.... and some older brothers etc who may be able to chip in.

Chin up fella. Like I say, good on ya for wanting to take the time to help your family. Very nice personality trait there. Be proud of you.

Hugs. x

Hi, shawn & welcome to a2k! Izzie mentioned your thread on another a2k thread so I thought I'd pop by. I just happen to be the mom of a 10 year old - boy. I tried picking his brain, but he just shrugged his shoulders!

Y'see, a 10-yr.-old is not that easy to communicate with. You're 19? Hmmm ... Will she listen to you? Can you try to talk to her on her level? Try to make her understand the situation? Sounds like your family has a lot of stuff going on.
You said the communication in your family isn't that good, right? And you know that most of this is up to your parents and not you?

I'll tell you what I do ... when my son is upset or about to have a hissy fit or something. I do my best to remain calm! (at least the appearance of it & the tone of my voice!) I sit down and look him in the eye and talk to him. Ask him what's upsetting him, and sometimes it's just as simple as letting him talk something out. But not always. You might want to try that, or what about helping her with homework? Does she need help &/or can you help her? Sometimes my son just likes someone there with him while he does his.
I don't know your whole situation, but you can judge for yourself weather it's worth a try or not. Hope maybe it helps a little. Plus, people around here are great sounding boards if you just need to vent or bounce ideas off.
I'll be watching your thread.

u can try having a long discussion w ith her as to why she doesnt listen to her parents. hormones, maybe she feels she was wronged and is being rebellious?

talkt o her, perhaps........

If she's a normal developing 10 year old girl then she's just reaching the age when she no longer thinks her parents are the smartest folks in town. Her friends now have that title and the next few years may very well become a battle royal.

The best advice I can give you to pass on to your parents is to pick their battles. There are certain things that are still black and white but life with an adolescent girl is much more gray than when she was younger.

I don't know if your parents are receptive to reading parenting books but the best book I've ever seen on the subject is Anthony Wolf's, Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?book link. It's witty, well written, and does an Excellent job of differentiating the land mines of raising teenage boys and girls. Adolescent boys and girls are completely different entities and just because your folks raised you to be a great 19 year old doesn't give them any experience whatsoever as it relates to raising girls.

The biggest difference between boys and girls is that boys tend to avoid conflict whereas girls thrive on it. Mom gets on son's case, son disappears into his room or books it out the back door. Confrontation just isn't worth the hassle so son says "yeah, sure" to whatever mom and dad (usually dad) ask him to do but then tends to blow them off as he locks himself in his room. Girls on the other hand will get right back into Mom or Dad's face (usually Mom's) and almost dare them to "make her" do whatever it is they want her to do.

Both are natural attempts at separation. Boys do it by simply getting out of the way of their parent's interference (beginning around age 14 or 15) whereas girls by age 10 will start mouthing off and creating a test of wills. She's determined to show them that they are no longer her bosses. It will eventually all shake out when she's 18 or so but the level of confrontation can become very intense depending on how your parents react to her.

I'm not advocating that they back off completely from the things that are important to them but even if they acknowledge and accept that her attitude is NORMAL for a girl her age, it can go a long ways towards keeping the lid on things.

Good luck -- it sounds like your sister is lucky to have you for a brother. Or, perhaps you're a normal teenage boy who hates confrontation and wants some peace and quiet in the household

Well put, JP!

hormones could be it. friends as well
they fight alot but its threw out the day.most of the time i just listen.
i dont think its the school or friends.one of her friends, comes by to do work. she is also a active girl playing soccer (football)/piano lessons.
even at soccer practices she lacks effort.
maybe we spend too much time around eachother.familywise
but with her schooling i'll try to help her more or just talk to her.
that ice cream treat im going to do. im just going to focus on my part.
being a better brother. oh we are us based

thanks man i will.

yeah they like to play a lot of games with eachother. but now i think my parents cant handle my lil sister when she acts up.a ten year old girl.maybe girls are harder to raise.so they get pissed. they cant be calm like you. they are easy to get to at home. with me, when i was her age it was a good as chewing which lead to a good ass kickin.the thing is i just see my parents looking at me for help i think.i know they want to hit her but they just hold it in.so i have a class a dick as a dad & a class a bitch for a mother or maybe im wrong.they dont put too much effort in parenting skills i know that.my dad likes to see it as being old faushion i think but i have no idea how he thinks.i dont know how they are still together but they are.i know it has to be unhealthy to not open up.one thing is they dont want to hit her but that cant communaicate to her level thats the big problem i think.

thanks everyone

hey Shawn...

you are a good brother... else, why would you be here asking for advice. You should be proud of yourself.

you're doing a good job communicating here and it's good you wanna try and help your kid sister. Your parents, in my opinion, shouldn't be looking for you to "help" - the family dynamics are that you are also their child... however, with the age difference between you and lil sis - then you are mature enough to know the difference between right and wrong - and seeing your sister act up - which then disrupts the whole family life, is hard for you too. We all acted as kids... no kid is "perfectly" behaved.

As a much older brother, and if you are able to, try and give her a little attention just one on one with you and see if it makes a difference. If she feels as tho she can talk to you or even that she is not battling against the whole family, it could make a difference. It may also show your folks too. But, she's 10... she's still a little girl - and you have your own things to deal with too - she does need to know the boundaries, acceptable/unacceptable, you can guide her there, but it's your parents responsibility to put the boundaries in place, and disciplining through positive actions... not negative.

When she's behaving well and does something that you know she'll be proud of - school/music... or just behaving well - laughing... playing... praise her if you can, encourage her. It isn't your responsibility - but if you can do that coz you want to - that would be great for her.

Some children can be very difficult - and they need to be shown the "right" way to behave... adults "behaving badly" in the way you have said, won't help your little sister. Just my opinion though.

Keep talking if you need to - or if you just want to vent for a bit.

There's good people here who will listen.

Take care.

Hey, wecome. Izzie, as well as others gave you great advice. Thought I'd say a bit too. Is it possible shes starting to pms. My sister and I started around 10, and we were pretty bad. I was the worst, couldn't control my emotions, back talked and everything. My neice is bow 10, and bam one minute shes sweet, fun and happy and the next shes mad and withdrawn.
It doesn't help if the parents have no boundaries. Because it can make her feel even more insecure and confused. If she needs alone time, let her have it. My neice needs alot of alone time. She reads, relaxes and is happy in her own environment.
Good luck to you!

forget the bs your parents need to start tappn that ass. whats a belt to the ass gonna do. its not abuse. look reality is that if your parents dnt raise a hand or belt for discipline its gonna get worse. because if all your parents do is talk then shes gonna know what to expect which is nothing. she basically taking your parents as jokes.

Is that before or after she starts ******** everything that moves?

*lesbiangurl's word, not mine

It is enough that you love your sister and be kind to her.
Her education is the obligation of your parents, not yours.
You just be honest with her.

I really hope this is a troll. No one can actually be this stupid...right?