Do you know how to handle bullying?

@hawkeye10,

Some children simply are not as strong or big or aggressive as others - why should they be? If you have a child that is 20 pounds lighter - a foot shorter and 5 years younger than the bully - do you think it is a good idea for him/her to try to beat the bully up?

Do adults go around and hit each other to solve problems or when they are being bullied?

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@Linkat,

I believe the tales of the people who have posted here that standing up for yourself works, at least sometimes. I can also see why it might not always work.
I used to be a shy little thing (who me?), an only child without almost any childhood friends until fourth grade. I think it was those new neighborhood pals (except that first one that first week) that I hung around with for five years that brought me out of my shyness and made me, if not entirely unbullyable, at least not a likely figure for it.

I thought the article was interesting, the data about peers speaking up, for example - but also somewhat confusing.

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@ossobuco,

I agree - but not always and that is what the article states - I tried to give examples of when it wouldn't.

I didn't find that part confusing - made sense.

Some children and this is just one I saw a report on today - are handicapped or in this case was a special needs child that was bullied. Some children are not capable of standing up and fighting - thus it makes this child a prime target for a bully.

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@Linkat,

I was more confused by the "nothing works" aspect of the first start of the piece.

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@Linkat,

Quote:

Do adults go around and hit each other to solve problems or when they are being bullied?

standing up for your self could involve physical violence, but does not have to.

And the answer is often yes, see domestic violence stats for guidance.

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@hawkeye10,

Yes and then they are charged with a crime. Children are not.

And it is not considered socially acceptable whereas solving a dispute among children seems to be encouraged with fists.

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@ossobuco,

To be honest I didn't even notice that - I do admit I read fast (and may miss a detail)

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@ossobuco,

Quote:

I thought the article was interesting, the data about peers speaking up, for example - but also somewhat confusing.

that data is skewed because generally peers step in only with the bully has gone over the line. Claiming that if peers stepped in all the time bullying would go down assumes that kids sign up for the culture of non aggression in the first place, in which case yes they would make aggressors conform to the culture. It is a chicken and egg argument, with out enough honesty to admit it. This is not currently the culture, and I think that kids have less openness to dishonest culture engineering than adults do, so I have no confidence that a culture where social aggression is not allowed can be imposed upon schools.

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@Linkat,

Quote:

And it is not considered socially acceptable

You seem to think that kids care what adults find acceptable. I think that from the kids point of view the adults have pretty much discredited themselves, and the kids don't much care what we think.

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@hawkeye10,

Curious - do you have kids?

The reason being is I am seeing at some schools this change of cultural. It really depends on the school. I do not see aggression at my kids school - I wouldn't say any aggression, but it is much less than I remember.

And some other schools - I even see it to a point where I would call it woosifying the children. At a friend's school her boy was sent to the principal's office because of his report on Andrew Jackson. He said something along the lines that Andrew Jackson carried alot of guns and would shoot bad guys and their blood would go in their shoes. Anyone who has read about Andrew Jackson probably would know this is likely true. The teacher felt it was too violent and sent him to principal where they called his parents.

And then another school district (the one I atteneded as a child), I know a teacher and the young kids are very aggressive and say alot h*ll of worse things than that.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Yes and then they are charged with a crime. Children are not.

And it is not considered socially acceptable whereas solving a dispute among children seems to be encouraged with fists.

I've stood up for myself with my fists several times as a teenager and adult and never once was charged with a crime. And it was the appropriate response every time.

I understand arguments about fighting being wrong and a poor way to solve things, but you don't seem to realize that the bully doesn't give a **** about that. There is no real choice in such a situation other then to respond in kind.

We're almost getting into Fight Club territory here, but it's true - if you haven't been in a fight, what kind of man are you? How do you know yourself and your capabilities? At the very least, when the **** hits the fan some day, you need to know what you are doing - not have a prey mentality.

Cycloptichorn

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@hawkeye10,

Not true - kids do end up listening. I was driving a 7th grader back after a field trip and she was telling me how important math and language is for use in any job. I knew she was verbatim talking her parent's talk.

They do learn and they do listen - they just pretend they don't.

Of course this all depends on the child and the experiences they have had with adults.

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@Cycloptichorn,

Did you read what I wrote at the beginning? I actually said how I defended myself and my older brother physically.

I am not saying that you cannot or should not use fists or other physical means to defend oneself. I am saying that some children may be too small, too young (if an older child is the bully) and just not capable to physically defend themself. And that physical defense is only when absolutely necessary.

And since not everyone can defend themself physically, you need other means.

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@Linkat,

Quote:

And some other schools - I even see it to a point where I would call it woosifying the children. At a friend's school her boy was sent to the principal's office because of his report on Andrew Jackson. He said something along the lines that Andrew Jackson carried alot of guns and would shoot bad guys and their blood would go in their shoes. Anyone who has read about Andrew Jackson probably would know this is likely true. The teacher felt it was too violent and sent him to principal where they called his parents.

That is just bizarre. That teacher wasn't just a wimp but seriously disturbed, I believe.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Did you read what I wrote at the beginning? I actually said how I defended myself and my older brother physically.

I am not saying that you cannot or should not use fists or other physical means to defend oneself. I am saying that some children may be too small, too young (if an older child is the bully) and just not capable to physically defend themself. And that physical defense is only when absolutely necessary.

And since not everyone can defend themself physically, you need other means.

Aikido, Judo, Karate. A child of any size can learn to defend themselves from bigger and stronger attackers. It is merely a matter of training and mentality.

Bullies tend to be arrogant and presumptuous towards smaller people. I have seen this lead to more then one downfall of a bully in my life.

There is no other alternative to learning to defend yourself, in my book. None. All other alternatives develop a dependent and weak mentality in the mind of the child. Fighting isn't something that children (or adults) should seek out, but there is no gain whatsoever in running away or depending on others to solve your problem for you.

Cycloptichorn

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@Linkat,

Quote:

Of course this all depends on the child and the experiences they have had with adults.

particularly their home life, if there is regular aggression in the family, or if one or more parents is a ****, adults preaching non-violence will go no where.

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@Merry Andrew,

Yes - I agree, I thought that was probably the best and most interesting presentation in the class. I think some schools are trying to change the culture, but go overboard on the other side.

Come on - what next - no one was killed or guns were not used in the war or even more so there were no wars.

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@Cycloptichorn,

Gee, Cyclo, some children are physically disabled. Polio, for example, was prevalent in my youth. People in my classes died of it, and many of those who lived had further troubles. And girl society is, as sozobe intimated, a tad more complicated that physical bullying alone.

I posit that personal self confidence (not really arrogance but that'll do in a pinch) is the vital component. Wasn't it Adrian who mentioned talking down the locker-slinger?

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@Linkat,

Quote:

. I think some schools are trying to change the culture, but go overboard on the other side.

and thus reinforce the perception that adults cant keep it together, which will go nicely with the reinforcing the perception that adults are not honest when non violence is preached in schools yet just about every kid knows up front and personal how much aggression goes on behind the front door at their house and/or their friends houses.

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@hawkeye10,

Not all - I think you have had a bad perception - overall my kid's school have a good balance. But I also think it is easier to manage in a smaller school like my kids attend. No one can hide. All kids, parents and teachers know each other (at least to a certain degree).

And not sure where you grew up, but there isn't much aggression going on from my perspective or my kids. I won't say it is non-existent, but we don't see much beating or hitting.

1 Reply

Do you know how to handle bullying?

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