Do even hot women like when you are respectful and a gentlemen to them?

I love good chocolate, meyer and eureka lemons, and zillions of flowers. Backrubs depend on the person.

@nat hale,

Fascinating topic - I can see where most everyone is coming from.

With regards to whether are woman likes it when you are respectful - most do. Don't mistake that as being that 'thing' that attracts women. It's necessary for a healthy relationship, but it's not the attactant (ie the thing that gets a woman on 'into you')

In relation to being a gentleman - one of the points of difference between peoples thoughts so far is their definition of 'gentleman', some definitions being :
- considerate, kind, and gentle
- pandering to the woman to please her
- a social categorisation that restricts a mans behaviour regardless of his individuality

Personally, I look at it this way :

In any relationtship there are 3 identities - individual 1, individual 2, and the relationship. This is distinctly different from the forumla as individual 1 + individual 2 = the relationship. Each individual exists separate from the relationship, and together with another individual they contribute their individuality and create a relationship.

The value that you bring to a relationship is your individuality, your world, your creation of your life... imagine a relationship subsuming all that? (it happens...they are the people that have to 'find themselves again' after the relationship ends).

Point being, the reality is a woman is attracted to 'your world', 'your creation', 'who you are'...

...now...imagine doing something in order to 'please' a woman...when you did this, what happened to 'your world', 'the creation of who you are' etc?

...now...imagine doing something that is entirely of your creation from the very essence of who you are...that pleases a woman, not because you want to please the woman, but because it is who you are...

3 Replies

@ossobuco,

I have a very nice back Osso.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Quote:

The value that you bring to a relationship is your individuality, your world, your creation of your life... imagine a relationship subsuming all that? (it happens...they are the people that have to 'find themselves again' after the relationship ends).

I think that we are all assuming that the man and the woman are both individuals, we are talking about how much they push each other, and what they do about conflict. There is a school of thought that goes that even in intimate relationship individuals should not push the other, and that the best relationships are those with the least amount of conflict. Obviously I think such thinking is nonsense. The best relationships are not the easiest and the most comfortable, they are the ones where the two are compatible and where 1+1= more than 2, where the individuals make each other better. Very often stereotypical dysfunction and conflict are part of the best relationships. Love is not for the weak of heart nor the weak of mind, those who demand that intimate relationships stay conflict free and/or call trying to steer the relationship abuse of the other individual are operating from timidity. Love is a crap shoot and these folks don't have the balls to ante-up, they will always be losers.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

Quote:

I think that we are all assuming that the man and the woman are both individuals, we are talking about how much they push each other, and what they do about conflict.

In talking about the creation of a relationship, this is not always the case - perhaps, consciously, rarely the case.

For example, how many people have you known, that after exiting a relationship, took time to 'find themselves again'?

Also, do you understand that doing something purely to please a woman, moves you into her world, her creation, her life? So rather than contributing your 'creation/life/personality' to the (creation of the) relationship, you are letting her create the relationship.

...where then did your strength, your life, your contribution to the relationship go?

(read all that in conjunction with my previous post btw)

Quote:

The best relationships are not the easiest and the most comfortable, they are the ones where the two are compatible and where 1+1= more than 2, where the individuals make each other better.

My view was 1, 1, & the relationship...not 1 + 1 = (something) ...in the first view the individual never gets lost, and you can still reach your 'each individual makes the other better' through the relationship and through your personal growth as an individual.

Ie. you always take time for personal growth and the growth of the relationship.

1 Reply

@vikorr,

Quote:

The value that you bring to a relationship is your individuality, your world, your creation of your life... imagine a relationship subsuming all that? (it happens...they are the people that have to 'find themselves again' after the relationship ends).

Point being, the reality is a woman is attracted to 'your world', 'your creation', 'who you are'...

...now...imagine doing something in order to 'please' a woman...when you did this, what happened to 'your world', 'the creation of who you are' etc?

...now...imagine doing something that is entirely of your creation from the very essence of who you are...that pleases a woman, not because you want to please the woman, but because it is who you are...

Bingo! And for every woman that is something different, because every woman is just as individual as every man.

Good post Vikkor

0 Replies

@nat hale,

I know all women expect some sort of respect......why only hot? and if you need to ask this question then you are asking advice to fake it are you not?? and if so we will know.

1 Reply

@KiwiChic,

both men and women deserve respect... we are all equal in what we do.

0 Replies

@ebrown p,

smiles to eb.
Yeh, I'm too old, but I'm alive.

0 Replies

@vikorr,

I get your answer to hawkeye, vickorr, but see it as often the woman who needs to maintain, potentially sometimes desperately, a sense of self. I won't claim to understand hawkeye - I have thought I've gotten near it but get the repulsion thing from most a2kers, and watch that keep making sense. Re someone like hawkeye needing to maintain his sense of self, or contribution to a relationship go .... give me a break. Mastery is his meme, with a potential person who craves sublimation, for whatever reason (usually abuse). Perhaps you need to review his posts.

Of course I can be wrong, one way or another, I'm explaining my take re a history of posts.

3 Replies

@ossobuco,

There have always been posters that seem repulsive to a2k ers...but I choose to listen to what hawk has to say, as infuriating as it may be sometimes. I just can't condone the epithets that he's subjected to and the disrespect that's heaped on him for having some out of the box views.

but then...what do I know?

2 Replies

@vikorr,

Quote:

The value that you bring to a relationship is your individuality, your world, your creation of your life... imagine a relationship subsuming all that? (it happens...they are the people that have to 'find themselves again' after the relationship ends).

Point being, the reality is a woman is attracted to 'your world', 'your creation', 'who you are'...

A woman is attracted to the man seriously and long term because she sees herself though him, they connect in this way. In relationship we are mirrors for the other, and because we are too close to ourselves to see ourselves this is the only way we know yourself...though others. A woman stays with a man because she like how he makes her feel, she like herself when she is with him. However, you cant assume that what she wants is to be treated kindly, lovingly, tenderly, respectfully. Some or all of this stuff repulses many women. You can't make any blanket statements about the thread subject, all one can say is get to know the woman you are with and then you will know.

However, if the man gets lost in the relationship, losses himself, then he is fucked....and he will likely lose his woman eventually. He will no longer do for her what she needs, and she will find another.

0 Replies

@panzade,

Was it hawkeye I was agreeing with on the whole 'fancying children isn't innately wrong' issue. That was pretty out the box.

0 Replies

@ossobuco,

I suppose I apologize re explaining my ongoing thoughts. I don't know Hawkeye and others can take his posts in different ways. I agree with him on some issues, and generally disagree with his stances re connection between the sexes. But, I'm not sure I entirely understand him. I see him flumeing about legal matters,re freedoms for people, that is women, to, er, sublimate in rapine. I fractionally get that, but a mere wisp, but he seems to want to do away with the concept of rape.

Someone more interested in all this than I am could assay/analyse his takes.

Anyway, he's not timid in presentation.

0 Replies

@ossobuco,

Quote:

Mastery is his meme, with a potential person who craves sublimation, for whatever reason (usually abuse). Perhaps you need to review his posts.

way to not pay attention osso. In a relationship there must be balance, there is no hawkeye overpowering or abusing anyone. Hawkeye chooses to be around strong people, but even when situated by circumstance with weak people hawkeye adjusts as needed.

I don't treat people as children unless it is absolutely necessary however. This must be what confuses you.

1 Reply

@panzade,

Get back to me when you have read all his posts.
I remain almost getting his point of view, but then not.

0 Replies

@hawkeye10,

I can get/understand voluntary sublimation. I think a pattern of it with violence is abuse to the probably former abused, and really is still abuse, even without serious violence for the time being, no matter how much the woman (or fellow) likes it.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

I guess I'll add that I didn't mean to turn the thread to all this. I just had to tell Vickorr to do some research, whatever his conclusions.

I should have been more trenchant.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

don't second guess yourself ...it's all about differing points of view

1 Reply

@panzade,

Most of us get that. I'm one of the few (few in like none) that has a o.56 room for Hawk, re argument.

You have homework.

2 Replies

Do even hot women like when you are respectful and a gentlemen to them?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know