He loves me but my boyfriend is abusive at times...

Let me tell you something - this man has really big issues. He is unsecure, possesive, and he makes you suffer for his mental illnes. He wouldn't change ever if you keep forgiving him!!! He needs to see that if he behave like this no women will ever be with him. He would eventually change if he sees many women had left him because of his behaiviuor. And that's not even sure. He will see his faults only if he wants to see them and if he is smart enough to acknowledges his mistakes and try to change them and has a normal, happy life. There are people that live like this for the rest of their lifes. They just say that nobody understands them, that they have a reason to be violent and they never change. They just blame everybody, they say everybody treat them badly. My advice is really - DON'T STAY WITH HIM. Try to find help, from friends (not his, friends that are only your friends), your family, or social services. It will be hard in the beggining but you must know that you are strong and can deal with anything in your life, without him. After some time when this thing is behind you, you will feel so free, strong and happy, you will wonder how you ever thought to stay with him. Don't stay with him you don't need to suffer for his sickness. Because he is sick for sure. This is not normal relationship. The fact that he buys you things doesn't makes you his possession.You are living in hell now, while you can live peaceful, happy life. In order to good things to come to you, you have to first get rid of the bad thing. Don't be affraid to ask for help. People would wanna help you. You don't have to go trough this alone. Don't stop until you make your life as good and happy as you want it. There are men who would treat you with respect and will make you happy! It's not the man that you are with right now. My friend had boyfriend who threatened her that he will hurt her if she left him. She was affraid for so long, finaly she turned to her family and told them everything about him, they stood by her and told the man that he has to stay away from her. After that he never try to contact her again. So these men are usually coward, they just have big mouths. Wish you luck! And remember - you are strong, you can turn your life around, and you and your child DESERVE to be happy, respected and to live in peace! Kisses, hugs!

As a libertarian, I think domestic violence is perfectly fine so long as it is consenting. If you want to be with an abusive man, woman or beast; that is between you and them. Now, when he threatens you about leaving..... that is unacceptable and downright scary. You need to get the hell out of that situation and find safety. The government has special programs for worthless welfare moms with nothing, so you don't have to worry about being broke. They will give you a home and everything.

National Domestic Violence Hot-line: 1-800-799-7233

If only we could all be "worthless welfare moms with nothing". . . . Anyhow, thanks for the sympathy.

Seriously!

My dad was abusive to my mom when I was very young but as I grew up (4or5) he turned to me aswell. By age 14 my dad was a functioning alcoholic with type 2 bi-polar disorder, when I turned 15 he took me camping and tried to kill me! I can't tell you how much I begged my mom to leave him but she was too dependant on him and we both suffered for the sake it. How far are you going to let it go before he takes it too far? The first fist is too far...I am not denying he mightvlove you but the fact is He is dependant on you! He knows he won't get another woman being like this so he beats you physically and emotionall so you would stay and builds you up materialistically so you confused his dependance with love.
Leave him until he is sorted and then talk to him.

Btw, my mom and dad are still together. I have nothing to do with either them.
I would rather have no than have met that "man"

Nothing like the words of someone who's been there. Welcome to A2K.

First you need to go seek help from the police,tell them what had transpire between you & your boyfriend.Give them all the info that they need,they will find a safe place your you & your child i'm sure.

Denise,
Have you tried reaching out to a support group such as the local YWCA or community center, or even local church.
It's best to get support from experienced counselors about this matter.
If you can't find any real life groups, im sure there are online support groups for this kind of thing.
Please reach out to a website or someone you know in person.

Best of wishes.

Lucky me, I just found this advice from hawk eye. All I can say to hawkeye, is you are a lying sack of crap. Shame on you for claiming you know what it feels like to be beaten raped and living with a monster. I suspect you get some sick pleasure just thinking about women enduring rape, or risking the lives of their children. You are a toothless bully, and a pathetic excuse for a male. You don't have a snowballs chance in hell to ever become a man. If my father had been Denise's dad, her abuser would hide in a closet for the rest of his life. Do you really think anyone believes you actually have children or a wife???? Get help, you are a sick puppy.

I responded to the slime I saw on page 3, and now I regret it. I regret it because as I read on I realized there are far too many sick folks getting their jollies over a life and death situation. I regret feeding the sick folks and deeply regret that a person suffering such abuse at home, suffered more abuse at the hands of cruel people who happen to post here.

The man is using you as a possession, he has made you believe you have nothing without him and unfortunately you are in a position where you rely on him financially and you now think you cant cope. Even if he says he will change, he wont. The way you are being treated is not love. if you stay, your child will grow up learning that abusing people is normal, it is definitely not normal. You need to break away but you wont be strong enough to do it from reading advice from us, you will have to do it when you are ready but try to do it soon. Women's shelters, friends, relatives, all seem to be the last thing you want to do because you feel you will lose everything but it is only temporary and you will get on your feet in no time at all. Then as you slowly build your new life, everything you have will be yours, no one elses, and you will feel so proud that you achieved it on your own. Be happy, thats the most important thing for you and your child, dont waste any more time in a bad relationship, life is way too short and you deserve so much better.

my babys daddy was a bit abusive too. I left. Thank god. I believe it's not that he may or may not love you, he obviously doesnt know how to respect women. it doesnt matter if its you or someone else he is a shitty person and use should leave him. He wont change for you alone so it has nothing to do with you he is messed up and needs help, or he doesnt need to be in a relationship at all ever.

Darling you have a child, even if you take yourself out of the equasion this fact should tell you all you need to know. Your child needs you safe and some security. He needs a safe home where he will not grow up seeing his mum hit and thinking this is how you treat a woman. If he hits you how long before your child does something "wrong" and "deserves correction". Get you both to someplace secure. Or use baby steps and seek help from somebody who you trust and can help you. I understand if you do not want to report him to the police you have been together for a long while but help yourself and the child first and worry about him last.
I hope that this helps in some small way or that we can confirm something that you were already know inside. I hope your situation improves and I wish you and your son nothing but the best in life Lexy

Seek some help right away. This is a pattern that abusers follow. And you are getting sucked into it. He is also mentally torturing you by by his threats and abuses. Get out of the relationship while there is sanity left. Guys such as him don't change. They thrive on dominating someone weaker. You have a beautiful life, don't waste it.

Hi Denise,

A lot of people have already given you a lot of good advice about this. I agree with them -- get out while you can. Please. I've never been in your situation, and I know it must be much easier said than done, but for your sake, please get help. There are shelters and organizations that can help you if you don't have family nearby.

For what it's worth, I want you to know that you don't deserve this, that you matter, and that you are strong and important. You are tough enough to get out of this, and you will live on and be glad you got out. But you have to go. Now. Things can only get worse if you stay.

Talk to your parents about it if you are to afraid to do anything else. He will not get any nicer, only worse.

in my opinioni feel that domestic abuse is wrong in any situation.no one deserves to be abused by their partner although he says he loves you and buys you things he is still hurting you by making you do things that he wants when you dont want to.although he pays for you and your child im sure you can get help to do that yourself and become independent im sure you will be better on your own without any abuse,i understand what your saying and it might be hard to support your child on your own but im sure it will be easier and happier on your own with your child.30% of domestic violence starts off when the women are pregnant because they will feel jelous and left out.there are mant groups that can help to support you so you can become independent,you dont have to tell most groups where you live and stuff like that this is because they are help lines and they will give you more advise and point you in the right direction to help.most domestic violence happens with the man abusing there wife/girlfriend there are different types of abuse
.physical violence
.sexual vilolence
in my opinion i would advise you to ring helplines to guide and support you.

THIS IS NOT LOVE. This is him controlling you. Please leave him. He obviously manipulated you into thinking you are no good without him and that's totally not true. Find the courage whatever it takes to survive on your own. There is another human being involved and it's you job to take this baby out of a situation that will harm him. Put your son first. I hope all the best for you

He will not change. Leave him

I really feel for you. I have two daughters and if any guy ever treated them this way it would not be good for him. You need to get help, its just a matter of time before he starts hitting that baby. Any guy that treats a woman this way has serious issues and it is only going to get worse for you. You have options, there are groups out there that will help you. Im sorry but this guy is not a good guy because he cooks and pays bills. The abuse will have a long term affect on you and your son that will be hard to reverse in the future. Please seek help.