55
   

He loves me but my boyfriend is abusive at times...

 
 
missysweets
 
  1  
Reply Fri 2 Jan, 2009 04:04 pm
@deniserichardson,
leave! It will only get worse!
0 Replies
 
hoppytoad79
 
  1  
Reply Wed 11 Mar, 2009 10:22 am
@deniserichardson,
You're not going to like the answer: get out. Go to a women's shelter with your son and get a restraining order. You have to get the police involved for your own safety and the safety of your son. You have to do it for your son.

I do not care how much he apologizes, what he pays for, or what he does around the house, he is abusive. You *must* get out now. If he's abusing you, it's entirely possible he'll start abusing your son at some point in the future. There are programs out there for women in your situation that you can get hooked up with to help you get back on your feet. Call a domestic abuse assistance line. Find a women's shelter. Just **get out**. Let people help you. They'll know what to do to make sure your abuser does not take your son away from you and does not hurt you.

If you won't do this for yourself, you have to do this for your son. Do you want him growing up, seeing his dad abusing his mom and thinking that's normal? Do you want him to be at risk of being abused by his dad? You owe it to him to get out and get away from your abuser.
0 Replies
 
meme783
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jul, 2009 10:35 am
@deniserichardson,
leave him.. just pack up your stuff and your baby and leave go to the police and file for a restraining order.. If you do not get the law involved then you can end up hurt and your baby also.. then what are you gonna do if you end up charged with child endangerment and then neither one of you gets custody of your baby. i'm sure the police has a safe place you can go to while you get on your feet.. there isn't enough love, cooking or money in the world for you to stay if he's beating you and making you have sex when you do not want to.. thats rape!
0 Replies
 
Shawty
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 7 Jul, 2009 07:35 pm
@deniserichardson,
Aaawwh , I Wish I Can Tell You 2 Leavee Hiim , But Im In This Mess Too.. My Boyfriend Hits Me Sooo m Bruised All Over Me.. He Punches Me :[ .. And I Still Cant Leave Him && ive Lost My friends Over Himm , So If i Doo Leavee Hiim i Dont Know what Im Gona Do i ant Even Think !! You Know U Can Do Better Than That , Bt Its Really Hard Too Let Go , && People Givin Me Adv&& i Dont Listen 2 Anyone , I Need Help Too I Keep Thiinking Id Rather Die If i Loose Him , But Then Agiin , Im Getting Hurt When Am With Him Anywayz .. And He Wont Change At All !! I Dont Knoo If My Boyfriiend Loves Me..My Boyfriiend Said if ii Leave Hiim He Wont Ever Leave Me Alone ! Sad .. So Yeah Its Either Live With Him And Get Abused All Tha Time , Or Leave Him Although Its Hard , Buh Be Strongg :] , im Tryiing Tooo LOL ! , and Yuu Can Move On 2 a Happier Life .. Just them 2 U Got Really.. GdLuk !
cyclopsbauer09
 
  1  
Reply Wed 8 Jul, 2009 06:58 pm
@deniserichardson,
I would Run to a different country so that he can't follow and change your name. also why would your apartments kick you out?
0 Replies
 
Sweet Home Alabama
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Oct, 2009 03:28 am
@deniserichardson,
Find a safe place in your community where you and your child can go. Plan an exit where you do not confront him and your child doesn't know. Do not let him know where you are. Send him a letter from some unknown address saying if he wants the relationship, he will have to do the work with a counselor to resolve his problems or you will not come back. Make sure he does the work and it will take time. If he is not willing to get help. Find help from local churches or organizations and leave him for good. . If you stay, he will hurt you and your child again and again and again. the next time it happens, call the police and send him to jail. Apts deal with this. The police have special help available through other agencies. This just isn't about you taking care of yourself. It is about taking care of your child and showing them that this is NEVER to be tolerated for any reason. A small room in peace is a mansion. God will provide. Bless you
0 Replies
 
Conflicted
 
  4  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2009 02:00 am
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's not easy to leave someone you love, even when they are hurting you. While I don't doubt that your boyfriend loves you, it's mostly about control. Noone should ever forcefully make you pleasure them... that is an assualt against you. The gifts & the I'm sorry's are not for you but to make himself feel better. You don't want your child growing up seeing you treated/abused this way. Nor do you want the violence to carry over to your child or worse yet; your child learning these behaviors & later in life thinking they are okay.

I know it's tough to leave when you feel you have absolutely nothing. If he isn't willing to seek help for his anger and abuse.. You have to take a stand for yourself & step out on faith. If you don't have any family or close friends you can turn to for help, please seek out assistance in your area.

No relationship is worth being treated this way... Even just occasionally.

0 Replies
 
Conflicted
 
  1  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2009 02:34 am
@Shawty,
Wake up! Please don't let yourself get seriously hurt in this relationship. I know how you feel. You love the person so much, you feel like you'd die if they left you. But I promise you that pain will go away. You are worth so much more than being abused & beaten... Because he is jealous & wants to control your every move, waking moment & your thoughts & associations. I've been in this place. I felt like if I only did what he wanted, acted the way he wanted, he wouldn't hit me. But it was all about controlling me. Any & everything could & eventually would set him off. I looked to long in the direction of a stranger, I didnt move fast enough when he called my name & the list of ridiculous reasons to hit me went on & on till eventually he was just taking his aggression out on me.. The one person who loved & cared for him ; in his corner the most.
And as much as you love him, that is the kind if HATE you feel for him when you are lying on the floor in pain & bleeding from one of his attacks. I left after one such attack when I hated everything about him. I was young & I went to my family. When he started calling the nextday apologizing & professing his love, I got weak & almost went back. Then I thought about the horror on my then 2yr old son face, seeing me crying & cowering in the corner being yelled at and demeaned & I made the choice to never go back. My heart hurt & I missed him so much & I thought about him dating other girls. It was agony. Then I would picture his face all contorted with rage & hate as he abused me & decided that I was young, attractive & smart and that this was just a life lesson & eventually I moved on & forgot about him. Today my 2 yr old is now an 18 well-adjusted young man in college. I'm married to a great guy, I have a beautiful 12 year old with my husband. (I am struggling with some fidelity issues) but I'm a work in progress. And you too can out of this vicious abusive cycle before you are seriously harmed. Turn to someone. Abuse victims are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And this is evident in your situation in that you are trying to help by offering advice to anothe person in need. Please love yourself. Get mad.. Then get gone.
BillRM
 
  -4  
Reply Fri 13 Nov, 2009 02:56 am
@Conflicted,
And as a reward for being a loving husband to you, you are postings on another thread that you are cheating on him?

Shaking my head at women kind.
Conflicted
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 02:17 am
@BillRM,
So goes life bill... That is just one situation in my life. It does not mean u don't have other valuable advice or suggestions that just may HELP someone else. How about you stop following me around & try to give some USEFUL information that you couldn't seem to help me with?
Loving doesn't mean eithe of us is perfect.. I'm a loving wife & look what happened.....
So to answer yout question....yes... That is exactly what my loving hubby gets... A post in his honor.
CalamityJane
 
  4  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 09:59 am
@BillRM,
BillRM wrote:

And as a reward for being a loving husband to you, you are postings on another thread that you are cheating on him?

Shaking my head at women kind.


You know Bill, you repeatedly have done this now. You just can't quit and
leave it alone. You stated your opinion to conflicted, for what it's worth it
is a lousy opinion in my book, but hey you're entitled to it. Nonetheless,
it doesn't give you the right to go on and on about the subject, especially
when it happens to be in a completely different thread and topic. Just
give it a rest for crying out loud. You're advice on most topics is not only
the most bizarre , you're also the most narrow minded person I have ever
read on a2k. Wait - you share the crown with hawkeye.
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CalamityJane
 
  3  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 10:29 am
@BillRM,
You're discrediting yourself. One can't help but just ignore you. I certainly will from now on.
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 10:32 am
@CalamityJane,
I had the same thought yesterday, cj. I've never put anyone on ignore. Bill is my first strong candidate. Pompous ass has never been better represented.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -4  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 10:36 am
you're also the most narrow minded person I have ever
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes I am very narrow minded when it come to placing a number of children and a loyal mate happiness/future at risk all in the name of some sexual pleasure.

Someone even place the charge of my being religion driven as only a narrow religious person would think what she doing is an outrage in every way.

Sadly I as must of an atheist as Madalyn Murray and yet still I am indeed narrow minded about someone who would place her family including children in harm way.

Hopefully her husband will find a loyal mate in the future and the children will not be too greatly harm. We can only hope.
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 10:38 am
@BillRM,
Ok, bill. You've made that point about a dozen times now.

Inhale.
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JPB
 
  2  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2009 11:10 am
@BillRM,
Bill,

I know you've been here for about a year now. Surely you've noticed that certain people come to A2K for support and guidance. Sometimes their life circumstances are dire and they are in a life and death situation. This thread is typical of the threads that these folks find when they google "abusive relationships". There have been many times when the regular readership has been able to guide these individuals to safer settings.

Conflicted came to this thread to help out a poster in need. You came here to troll her and to derail the thread (which you've succeeded in doing and I acknowledge my own participation to that end). Yes, you're entitled to your opinion. This thread is not the proper place to express it.
 

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