A good cry on the train

New pictures, new experiences - both should help, I'm thinking.

This morning's SkyWriting


Getting a box today and packing it.
This is where the mood swings start.
Do I put in any note?
A card saying "Best wishes for your new home and your new life".
No note at all?
Longish heartfelt recitation of how hurt I am but reassuring her that I will be okay?? Adding in an apology for whatever part I caused in bring this love, and it was a love, I have the cards to prove it, to an end.

I go from "I will not be bitter about this" to "Hey, dumbass, you deserve to be bitter at this point, just let it pass, before you make yourself a bigger ass."

"She needs to know that she hurt me badly."
"She already knows, she says she feels awful."
"I don't know if that means she feels awful about what she's done because it makes her feel awful or if she cares that she has hurt me. "

Here's the plan and I want everyone's input.

I'm going to pack the box but leave it open (hidden out of my sight) I'm going to wait a few more days to see how I am coping.

I'd like to send it when I am in the right frame of mind.

Joe(What is the right frame of mind?)Nation

I think you've got the right idea there:



BTW, you're a great writer. Keep it flowing, though I see how hard that must be.

Sorry for the heartbreak. While I have been following along I have let those who know you personally advise, but since you wanted everyone's input...

I think you have a good plan. If you leave a note, I would only go with a "best wishes" type of thing since that feels like closure. Anything else seems to invite a response and I don't think that is what you are going for.

I mean writing as an exercise and as an expression. I might suggest if you must include a note in the box, it should be in the best-wishes-neutral sort of tone.

Depending upon the wave I am in, I want A) no response or B) an long abject explanation and deep apology or C) no response.

Joe(I am presently in all three.)Nation

PS: Yes, the neutral approach is probably best.

Have it translated into Latin.

The box is packed but not sealed.

I'm putting a reminder on my calendar for Friday. That's nineteen days without any communication other than liking something a friend of mine posted or her response to my announcement that I had lost ten pounds this month :
"Amazing."

I responded "Told you I was committed."

Joe(I many not make it to Friday before shipping it)Nation

<hugs>

hmmmmm...

you have to do this your way, your way will be the right way



Iz<shhhhhh...mebbe wait a little bit JJ...the train has a long way to go 'til the next station and we can sit here with you for a while...take your time, OR do what YOU feel is the best thing for YOU... I know, it hurts like heck and sometimes the namby-pampby approach I've been known to take (neveragain) just makes it harder and harder to let it go - says she who eventually got rid of the whole damnhimandhisnonsensepoisonloveletterstwoyearslaterthatwasabunchofbaloney,whatawhusandasuckerIwoz>zie

it will get easier (I know, I know, it doesn't feel like that), in time, but it's so much easier to not live with regret and resentment because the only one who hurts is the one regretting and resenting... and I know you don't need to feel that JJ.

Remember the times you spent that were good, fun, celebratory and keep those memories in a safe place... the rest... let them go, if you can...>

<pass the teapot pls, I'll pour for the train-goers>


ps - your deck is DIVINE... grow grow grow - you will see it makes a difference - from little things...





Have a good bevy with Frank.


(((((((((((((((((((hugs you))))))))))))))))))))x

My instinct is to just send the box, Joe. No note, or a very short and neutrally polite one.....like Regards, Joe.

You can't influence her so I'd just be wanting you to protect yourself.

Agreeing with dlowan.

Me, too. Except I wouldn't send a note at all. Just the box with the stuff.

I just don't want to be 'that jerk I broke up with ...."

See now I'm wondering about not sending back the little elephant she gave me. I don't want it, but now I start to think that's kind a jerk-off kind of thing to do.

There's not a lot, about fifteen pounds of make-up, clothes, various shampoos, bath salts and female-type items, but ......also pictures, those cards I mentioned and the elephant.

I say it all goes and the hell with her. (jerk)
I say send only her own personal items and none of the gifts she gave you. (unsatisfied jerk)

Joe(Who am I?)Nation

Yet again you are seen to be overly concerned with the reaction to you..you put the leash on yourself. Did you learn nothing from your first marriage? Learn to live man..stop being half dead. You might find that this helps in getting and keeping women.

I'm sure there's an old saying about unsolicited advice, but what the heck.

I think you're on the right track here. Don't give her a chance to think you are being clingy, and don't give her reason to think you are trying to send her on a guilt trip. Anything she has a remote ownership interest in, send without a note. Any gifts she make are not hers. Toss 'em.

Good Lord, you're an idiot.

I see the quandary, voting now re the personal items only, with no note.

Backing off of the last sentence, your name.
I don't think you hate her.

This all reminds me, sadly, of a friend whose lover spurned her, going to his place in the middle of the night and writing on his front windows with lipstick. Long ago, but - you see - I remember that even now.

I don't have answers re what is good to do, or wise, or stupid, or horribly stupid, even though I've given opinions.

I guess this - breathe, enjoy the breathing.

Yep...the gifts all stay.... what a relief that is to say.

Just her stuff and a best wishes on your new home and your new life.

Joe(I feel better just typing this)Nation

Good choice, Joe. How could you, how could anyone, do anything else to someone you loved and I suppose, love?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl7U2jy1wMQ