A good cry on the train

Joe Nation
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 06:11 pm

Joe(a manly man hug to be sure)Nation
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 06:32 pm
Joe, don't know you very well yet, but from what I've read here and elsewhere, it's her loss. You've still got a great sense of humour even in the midst of it all.

We women can be bitches but there are some very nice ones out there and the right one will turn up when you least expect it. Hang tight!
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Region Philbis
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 06:36 pm

damn, joe...

sorry, man...
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Borat Sister
Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 06:40 pm
@Joe Nation,
Joe(What a Mensch)Nation wrote:
So as luck would have it, I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor for this morning.....etc..

That's a hell of a funny post, Joe.....as well as a hell of a sad one.

Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 09:16 pm
Oh no.

JPB and Izzie were here for lunch today (notes elsewhere) and J told me about this. She made me look at your first post, but I couldn't read it right then because I knew I would break down and cry.

So I've just read it.

Damn, I was right.

I will e-mail you.
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Reply Fri 15 Aug, 2008 09:29 pm
@Borat Sister,
I don't have the words for that post, while taking it as an honor. Meant a lot to me, and not re listing, re the saying.

Trying anyway, I won't say bittersweet. I'll say Sweetbitter,

JN, we have your back.
Agony Aunties? JoeNation knows better.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 12:49 am
@Joe Nation,
Joe, I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I don't often "talk" with you here, but I always read your posts. You strike me as a very reasonable & straight person.
What's happening in your personal life is (obviously) very painful & complicated. None of us can really understand the details of your situation, nor should we. Those things are private & personal.
But bad & painful things do happen to good people ... & good people don't always get what they deserve, sadly.
Just try to look after yourself & negotiate this painful situation as best you can. You have the strength & the integrity to get through this, as hard as it is now & will continue to be for quite some time yet ...
And don't worry at all about crying in unlikely places. Many of us have done it. I know I have. I'm sure I will again ...

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Joe Nation
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 05:20 am
dev-"goin' -through-a-bit-o'somethin'myself"-j

That was a good reminder to myself that everyone is going through a bit of something. Somebody needs to ask Dev about what it is she is going through.

Meanwhile, the packing has begun.
You know that scene in The Mutiny on the Bounty where Captain Bligh and the men are in the lifeboat and the first mate is holding up chunks of raw seagull and asking "And who shall have this piece, Sir? " ?

It's a little like that. One of us answers and there is no argument. Except about the paintings, she did them a long ago. They are big, no, really huge, watercolors. They are another example of what an artistic genius she is. She decided to learn to watercolor, she took a class, at the end of the class she was painting about a hundred times better than the teacher. It's exhilarating to be around people who can do that sort of thing. Exhausting too if you try to keep up, but anyway, I said she should take them all. She said that she'd like me to have one if I change my mind later. That she couldn't have painted them without me.

(True, I said to myself, but I don't think I want hanging on one of my walls, or over my bed, a painting by one of my ex-wives. There have been two others.
All of them artistic, smart and a bit narcissistic in that good smart-artistic genius way.)

There must be something seriously wrong with me.
At times, Monday seems months away, at moments, it cannot come soon enough.

Joe(Is this too much like watching a train wreck?)Nation

Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 10:12 am
@Joe Nation,

No, this is not too much like watching a train wreck. You have many people here who care about you who haven't even met you in person. This is a painful moment in your life and we're here to listen.
I went through an emotionally difficult divorce when I first arrived here and look, I'm still here thanks to the good people who took the time to listen and lend some kind and helpful words.
Hang in there!
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 10:26 am
@Joe Nation,
Hey Joe (hugging you big right now) Nation

Monday will come soon enough and not quick enough. So sorry for the pain you are in hunni - and yep, do understand - 2 years down the line and about to finalise.

Thing is, as you watch this happen in slow motion and feel it with every nerve in your body - it feels like the pain won't ever go - having friends surround you - whether real or virtual - is so important to help pick you up as you feel yourself stumbling along. We're all here for you to do whatever we can - albeit just to listen - keep writing it out - it really helps ....

Wish so much you weren't having to go through this - so will keep hugging you big - take care hun xx
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High Seas
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 10:35 am
@Joe Nation,
Dammit, Joe, the "Mutiny on the Bounty" bit SHOULD have reminded you of your old friend, High Seas! You're obviously not thinking straight, so here's a practical suggestion:

I already owe drinks to Thomas, so if you and he want to join me tomorrow Sunday for drinks at 1700 hrs, I'll be very glad. Thomas knows the place (73 + Lex) and has my phone #: I'll be there on time. See you both then.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 01:20 pm
@Joe Nation,
Hello Joe(love to read ya)Nation,

I read a lot of A2K, but I don't post much. I felt an urge to tell you I love your posts ... you are one of my favorites here. I have been clobbered with the same type of feelings you are having. It's been many years and I'm fine now, but I hate it when someone I admire - whether in the "real world" or the virtual world - is having to go through that. Keep on truckin' ... or runnin' ... or whatever it takes to get you through. Obviously, you have a host of friends here, and probably many more in your "real world". Cry, hug, talk, do whatever you have to. Here's hoping you find many more sleepy-eyed attendants.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 01:32 pm
JoeNation write
There must be something seriously wrong with me.

Probably the only thing seriously wrong with you is that you are attracted to women who are not a good fit for your temperament, lifestyle, needs, wants, strengths? The fact that this separation, as painful as it obviously is, is ending quite amicably should tell you that you have some good things going for you. Otherwise she would have left and you would have found out via a delivered message sent from her attorney.

Soul searching is always good in these matters. But what very little I know of you, I am fairly sure that you can't blame yourself for all the pain. I know that from your many friends who are here to support you and stand by you now. Trust that the man who has so many friends can't be all bad.
High Seas
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 03:20 pm
Foxfyre - it's not only he's "not bad", he's actually tall, good-looking, intelligent, and lots of fun to have around. I've met him on a couple of occasions and can attest first hand to the positive assessments of his character posted here.

Just get him to the bar on time! (sung to the tune of "Get him to the church on time")
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 03:37 pm
@High Seas,
Well you had me with tall and good looking. Smile
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 06:02 pm
I'm tall and good looking and it didn't do me any good. With hindsight I see it as something of a handicap.
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Joe Nation
Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 09:06 pm
SooZoo (who? Soo Sweet!) and Foxfyre (my very able argumentative friend) : such nice words from both of you and I need them and I know they are all true. I have to remember not to read such things at work though , they make me cry some (no one there knows yet)
I have to keep on thinking of excuses for my reddish eyes.
Darn these allergies!! What is this thing is my eye? ...

High Seas: get with Thomas and meet at 5pm for a sip. He and I are headed for the Pan at Six and you would be very welcome. He has my number. It's a New York meet!
I shall try to become tall by then, Spendius should know that "tall" in High Seas' book is 5'8".
And now the news: I'm getting better at seeing this situation for what it is: an opportunity. Although I should check in again at dawn.

I called my son and let him know what was happening.
I called my sister and let her know what was happening.
I called my brother the priest and let him know what was happening.

So now I'm about the only one who doesn't know what is happening.

I know at some point I am going to get angry at this situation, but right now, especially since the tears have subsided some, I feel a great sense of what? relief? Yes. I think in the depth of my brain I was just waiting for her to tell me. I thought she might tell me on her birthday in July, but that day passed and I felt relief then too, but not as deep as this relief is now. Of course, this could be just one of highs in a series of highs that are spaced between a lot of lows and lower lows.

Joe(tomorrow I'm having the blue cheese hamburger, a Corona and a taxi ride home.)Nation
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 09:37 pm
I'll post as an artistic not quite poseur (a lot of us do that to start) and non narcissist who has her later but not most interesting paintings up in her own house (beats the garage at this time). My ex has two paintings, one huge (4 x 5 feet) and one small, 16 x 20 inches. He married well again. Perhaps they are in their garage. I assume if he ever wants to burn them, he'll give them to his brother instead. Anyway, my aim is to get rid of most of them, need to connect to a gallery here, blah blah blah.

Peoples efforts make clouds in others' space. My husband's writing, don't get me going, major part of my life, but we don't own these things. I still like his writing, even now, but don't have all the scripts, not that I'd be poring over them. 'Tis a fine and tricky balance.

I think it is probably near universal that when we are free of the interest supporting... there can be glorious freedom.

But I can so imagine NOT being me, and not wanting to see this stuff.
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Reply Sat 16 Aug, 2008 10:17 pm
I would love to write something wonderfully supportive. I don't have it in me. Never been good at that sort of person to person contact. I do know what you are experiencing, and I feel more than just bad for you. I wish there were some magic formula to lift this mountain off of your shoulders.
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Reply Sun 17 Aug, 2008 08:46 am
@Joe Nation,
Joe(hope you know how much we all care)Nation wrote:
There have been two others.
All of them artistic, smart and a bit narcissistic in that good smart-artistic genius way.)

There must be something seriously wrong with me.

Maybe...maybe not.

Perhaps you most enjoy being married to people who you are not gonna stay married to forever?

Is the extra joy worth the pain at the end?

Any relationship will end...if only at death.

Mind you...I think the pain of losing a relationship if you are not ready beats just about any other loss in intensity...it's so intimately connected to the very roots of our being.

The good bits are pretty damn fine though, eh?

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