Husband taking part in chores around the house

ehBeth wrote:

Men Who Do Housework May Get More Sex: Report
Thursday March 6, 2008

mebbe he's too old to care about the sex?

Makes complete sense - if the man helps out, his wife is not too tired and has much more energy for extra curricular activities.

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If the man "helps out" <<snorts contemptuously>> yeah right.

Why is it that when a man does housework he is just "helping out".

You guys just don't get it, do you.

Every part of this conversation reeks of sexism and stereotypes.

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ebrown_p wrote:

If the man "helps out" <<snorts contemptuously>> yeah right.

Why is it that when a man does housework he is just "helping out".

You guys just don't get it, do you.

Every part of this conversation reeks of sexism and stereotypes.

You are absolutely right - slip of the tongue - it is not really helping out as you are equal partners.

I was trying to make something funny so don't take my wording to such an offense.

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ebrown_p wrote:

If the man "helps out" <<snorts>> yeah right.

Why is it that when a man does housework he is just "helping out".

You guys just don't get it, do you.

Every part of this conversation reeks of sexism and stereotypes.

BECAUSE, as was posted EARLIER, Most Men STILL DON'T do their share! Okay?? And when a woman has to remind a man to do something, it's not the same thing as just doing it.

And coincidentally, there was a report on the radio this morning discussing this very thing. Apparently in the early '70's, 25% of men contributed in the home; today, closer to 40% do. Still not at 50%. And that doesn't include things like taking kids to appointments, lessons, scheduling events, etc.

This is not sexist, ep, this is REALITY.

And yea, it's called BABYSITTING when the dad rarely looks after the kids on his own.

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The issue here is that even while we have made great strides toward equality, the negative stereotypes toward men still persist.

Men do more than women in half of the relationships (if you accept that men and women are equal in character). Yet do you ever hear of a valiant man toiling with a lazy woman who won't do her share? Do people really believe there are no lazy women?

Another issue referred to in your article. Men are still heavily disadvantaged in any area that concerns children; from custody, to reproductive rights, to social assumptions about parenting.

I actually think the difficulty for a father to be accepted as a parent is more serious since the other issues can be resolved without a marriage.

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Mame wrote:

ebrown_p wrote:
If the man "helps out" <<snorts>> yeah right.

Why is it that when a man does housework he is just "helping out".

You guys just don't get it, do you.

Every part of this conversation reeks of sexism and stereotypes.

BECAUSE, as was posted EARLIER, Most Men STILL DON'T do their share! Okay?? And when a woman has to remind a man to do something, it's not the same thing as just doing it.

And coincidentally, there was a report on the radio this morning discussing this very thing. Apparently in the early '70's, 25% of men contributed in the home; today, closer to 40% do. Still not at 50%. And that doesn't include things like taking kids to appointments, lessons, scheduling events, etc.

This is not sexist, ep, this is REALITY.

And yea, it's called BABYSITTING when the dad rarely looks after the kids on his own.

No... it is SEXISM plain and simple.

It is far too easy to rationalize your own prejudice with fake statistics.

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the "helping" approach was noted in the second post in this thread

p*****d me off enough that I couldn't come back to read the thread again for a bit

hawkeye10 wrote:

My own take is that for a man "making an effort" to help is honorable, doing substantial housework is demoralizing and not a respectable use of a man's time.

making an effort to help

blecccchhh

~~~

I don't think everything needs to be split 50 - 50, we've all got things we like more and less / do better and worse, but "making an effort to help"

arrrrghhhhh

~~~~

I was surprised that ebp didn't go after hack about it.

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ebrown_p wrote:

It is far too easy to rationalize your own prejudice with fake statistics.

Why do you think that report has false numbers? because it's not what you see in your home? why?

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ehBeth wrote:

the "helping" approach was noted in the second post in this thread

p*****d me off enough that I couldn't come back to read the thread again for a bit

hawkeye10 wrote:
My own take is that for a man "making an effort" to help is honorable, doing substantial housework is demoralizing and not a respectable use of a man's time.

making an effort to help

blecccchhh

~~~

I don't think everything needs to be split 50 - 50, we've all got things we like more and less / do better and worse, but "making an effort to help"

arrrrghhhhh

~~~~

I was surprised that ebp didn't go after hack about it.

I didn't notice.... there are many things that Hawkeye has said that I strongly disagree with.

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ebrown_p wrote:

I didn't notice.... there are many things that Hawkeye has said that I strongly disagree with.

you do seem to notice, and comment, each time one of the female posters makes a similar comment

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ehBeth wrote:

ebrown_p wrote:
It is far too easy to rationalize your own prejudice with fake statistics.

Why do you think that report has false numbers? because it's not what you see in your home? why?

It is the self-fulfilling prophecy. The "valiant suffering woman struggling with a lazy man" mythology is a great story of the type that media thrives on. Do you really believe there are not lots of women who do less work (and by work I am including both housework and a job since these should be equal) than their partners?

This mythology is successful because supports an widespread underlying prejudice.

Consider the number of single men who survive just fine without a woman. I, as well as millions of men, spent many years living either alone, or with a roommate, without a woman. We do just fine.

Part of the problem is that if the woman and the man have a disagreement about how a house should be kept the woman is automatically assumed to be right (since the woman is traditionally responsible for the house).

When there are disagreements the old mythology is a very convenient way for a woman to dismiss the mans point of view.

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ehBeth wrote:

ebrown_p wrote:
I didn't notice.... there are many things that Hawkeye has said that I strongly disagree with.

you do seem to notice, and comment, each time one of the female posters makes a similar comment

Point taken. Some of his later posts I kind of ignored as too far out to warrant a response-- but I will be more careful.

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ep, you use the word "stereotype" as if it's a bad thing. There are stereotypes out there that are positive.

And the reality is that , despite what goes on in a bachelor pad or your own home, many, many men do not feel that housework is their domain. In fact, you said it yourself - that traditionally, the home is the woman's responsibility. The fact is, it made sense, traditionally, because she was home all day. The problem is that we, both men and women, as a rule, have not caught up to today's reality of dual income homes and the woman still bears the brunt of the home responsibility in addition.

More and more men today ARE contributing to a larger degree in the home, but it's still not MOST men.

That's all I'm saying. And call it whatever you want, it's a REALITY.

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Mame wrote:

More and more men today ARE contributing to a larger degree in the home, but it's still not MOST men.

That's all I'm saying. And call it whatever you want, it's a REALITY.

As is documented in study after study. The problem men have with the current situation is that most men know that they are doing much more around the house then their dads did, and still the wife is b*tching than he is not doing enough. He talks to his buddies and they have similar stories. Families are much more time stressed today, and men feel this as much as women do.

Each couple copes as best they can, but given the high stress level which is out of either of their control (they need two incomes, the kids need to go to activities etc) in all likelihood neither are going to be completely happy with the day to day situation.

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hawkeye10 wrote:

The problem men have with the current situation is that most men know that they are doing much more around the house then their dads did, and still the wife is b*tching than he is not doing enough.

It's irrelevant what their dad's did - it's a new era. They should simply step up to the plate and play ball with their wife. If they lived alone they'd have to so there's no excuse.

Women bitch because it's not fair. Pretty reasonable cause for complaint.

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Nobody can look at the time studies and count the number of stay at home dads and with fairness conclude that men have not stepped up. Women have not gotten all they want, but neither have the men. We do much more than our dads did and still we get b*tching and the wife being busy as named as the reason we don't get anywhere near enough good sex.....we ain't happy either. Do you have any proposed solutions to go along with the complaining?

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Yes, hire some help!

- Get a cleaning lady

- have a date-night once a week and hire a sitter or farm the kids out for the night

- do take-out so no one cooks and clean up's a breeze

- have a nightly glass of something together

- don't worry if it's a bit dusty

- don't enrol the kids in stuff 4 nights a week

- get some kid to mow the lawn

etc etc etc

It may cost a bit but it's worth it

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My opinion is that a friend having troubles like that with hubby or bf is not my problem.

If a friend vents like that to me too much about the partner, it gets frustrating real quick.

It'd be one of those topics we don't go into anymore. So that I don't start getting a dislike for the partner, or want to wack my friend.

Especially if I already don't particularly care for the bf!!! Laughing

No way, not getting sucked into that any more.

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Mame wrote:

It may cost a bit but it's worth it

UM, I hate to break the news as obviously you are WAY out of the loop....most families are swimming in debt. Adding new cost lines to the family budget is not a viable solution.

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I do agree that kids are over programed, which sucks up both time and money. I never did a single program other than Boy Scouts, and I think that turned out just fine

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Husband taking part in chores around the house

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