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Have you ever broke up with a guy and he cried?

 
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 01:41 am
Oooh, damned, I thought the Koala was mooning me !!!
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 01:43 am
Is this like one of those right brain/left brain tests???
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dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 01:48 am
...and you failed both am I right?
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 01:58 am
Luckily for me - you can't fail the ballerina test.

...but I had to stare really hard to see the koala's face, and not it's butt end with the rosy cheeks !
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 01:59 am
Chumly wrote:
Fact: many females think that a man crying is a sign of weakness.

You can rationalize, sympathize intellectualize and politicize till the cows come home, but won't change that underlying fact!


No. Not at all. I think men cry for the same reasons that women do. Sadness, despair, extreme frustration, existential misery ... We've all done it.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 02:05 am
Chumly wrote:
There is no doubt that many posters on A2K are not representative of the generalized population / viewpoints / perspectives.



And?
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 09:02 am
vikorr wrote:

If you reread the list of 'crying's that I said, in my opinion, would cause a problem, and which crying wouldn't cause a problem - you will find the only two I stated outright would cause a problem were the breakup, and the woman upsetting you....that pretty much is in line with Hawkeye's thing about a woman 'causing' a guy emotional pain, and him crying (though I would not have said that it is a problem because it leads to more manipulation...which it may or may not...I would have said the problem is the resulting perception)
.


My position is that power games are natural and are part of most intimate relationships (at least the worthwhile ones) and that manipulation is one face of the game. For me this is not a negative term. However, you don't want to go there with me i am fine with using "perception"

In that case the statement is that once the woman knows that her man is susceptible to emotional pain then she knows his weak spot with-in the relationship. She knows that her emotional knowledge and skills are far superior to any mans, and that she can at any time use that knowledge and skill to get what she wants from him, Once she knows that she has a back door in even if she thinks that he would never use it, that if she chooses to use it he will not stand up to her, then she is no longer free the be purely feminine. she must in part watch out for herself, because her man is incapable of always doing it.

in this case the masculine/feminine dance ha been severely compromised.
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 09:08 am
some women are emotionally abusive and some men are emotionally abusive. again, this has nothing to do with gender. men do it just as often.
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 09:17 am
emotional abuse is hurting someone on purpose in the pursuit of what you want. However, there need to be no abuse for for masculine crying to be a problem. The simple fact that the woman knows how to get what she wants by side stepping negotiation and going right to her man's weak spot is the problem. even if up to that point everything had been above board her perception that she has other options is the problem.

Most of us have been around enough to know that we sometimes do things we never thought we would do...knowing about the option is the problem.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 09:20 am
Wow, alternate universe.

Personally, I find the idea of being with a guy who refuses to reveal any "weak spots" for fear of having them exploited way more repellent than any sort of crying. People cry occasionally. Big whoop.
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 09:47 am
sozobe wrote:
Wow, alternate universe.

Personally, I find the idea of being with a guy who refuses to reveal any "weak spots" for fear of having them exploited way more repellent than any sort of crying. People cry occasionally. Big whoop.


However, what we do in relationship is rarely thought out like this. I am talking about why things happen as they do, not why men think they do as they do.
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dagmaraka
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 10:17 am
hawkeye10 wrote:
emotional abuse is hurting someone on purpose in the pursuit of what you want. However, there need to be no abuse for for masculine crying to be a problem. The simple fact that the woman knows how to get what she wants by side stepping negotiation and going right to her man's weak spot is the problem. even if up to that point everything had been above board her perception that she has other options is the problem.

Most of us have been around enough to know that we sometimes do things we never thought we would do...knowing about the option is the problem.


sidestepping negotiation and going for the weak spot IS an abuse... and again, men do it just as much.

i hear you loud and clear, but happen to disagree with you. repeating your points will not change that.
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amyjanelle07
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 11:56 am
Yes. But given how many times he made me cry, he deserved it. Confused
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 12:02 pm
dagmaraka wrote:

sidestepping negotiation and going for the weak spot IS an abuse... and again, men do it just as much.

i hear you loud and clear, but happen to disagree with you. repeating your points will not change that.


Just so long as you understand that we don't agree on what the definition of abuse is.
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 12:24 pm
hawkeye10 wrote:


My position is that power games are natural and are part of most intimate relationships (at least the worthwhile ones) and that manipulation is one face of the game. For me this is not a negative term. However, you don't want to go there with me i am fine with using "perception"

In that case the statement is that once the woman knows that her man is susceptible to emotional pain then she knows his weak spot with-in the relationship. She knows that her emotional knowledge and skills are far superior to any mans, and that she can at any time use that knowledge and skill to get what she wants from him, Once she knows that she has a back door in even if she thinks that he would never use it, that if she chooses to use it he will not stand up to her, then she is no longer free the be purely feminine. she must in part watch out for herself, because her man is incapable of always doing it.

in this case the masculine/feminine dance ha been severely compromised.


I can't imagine a position that I agree with less. Power games are anything but natural to any relationship that I would be in for longer than the time it took for the first such instance to occur. Manipulation as a positive within a worthwhile relationship is equally foreign.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 12:26 pm
JPB said my opinion for me.
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 12:45 pm
JPB wrote:

I can't imagine a position that I agree with less. Power games are anything but natural to any relationship that I would be in for longer than the time it took for the first such instance to occur. Manipulation as a positive within a worthwhile relationship is equally foreign.


What ever your moral position on power games they are the norm in relationships that are intended to be more than temporary. If one wants to stay in a particular relationship one must find a way to get their needs met with-in that relationship, which can only happen through power games (making the relationship work for you). I realize that some people today are allergic to power games, however they are the same people who can't make relationships work for any length of time. However, most people do do power games, they just change the name to something they like better (communication, negotiation, standing up for myself...)
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 01:25 pm
Not true. All of those things infer that two people can't create a positive relationship based on mutual respect and a primary focus on wanting the other person to be happy. Two people who are dedicated to the relationship and look to give to it more than they receive from it can most certainly participate in a warm, loving, rewarding longterm relationship without playing games of any sort.
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 02:40 pm
JPB wrote:
primary focus on wanting the other person to be happy..


Are you sure that you want to go on record as believing that your mate being happy is more important than you being happy? That it is your responsibility to see after your mates happiness? No...didn't think so.


Very few of us know our mates well enough to know what they want in any case, guesses and going by what the other person says is almost assuring that we will get it wrong. Much better if two people go after what they want, try to make the relationship work for them. And yes part of this is doing what you can to keep your mate happy.

In this case we are talking about women who tell their mates that they are leaving, presumably women who are not getting what they want out of the relationship. Leaving is a valid choice, however if they have never fought for what they want with-in the relationship (engaged in power games) I would need to question their courage, as well as their plan for ever getting their needs met in life.

As for the men who cry to them over their leaving, you already know what I think of that.
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Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 02:45 pm
Do your friends often confuse you with Dr. Phil?
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