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Have you ever broke up with a guy and he cried?

 
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 08:39 pm
Quote:
I don't think a man is weak if he cries, and I don't know any women who think so either.

I've never had a conversation with a woman who had disdain in her voice over a man crying.

I think that just must be what some men think women think.


Jesus, I thought we were past all that crap.


May I point out that the guys appear to be talking about crying in relation to different circumstances than the girls are talking about crying in?

Only my opinion :

Crying over a death? No problem.

Crying to girl over breakup? Problem (unless she was wanting to know how much she meant to you...then you'd have to ask yourself some other questions)...although dadpad - I have heard stuff like your encounter happening (even though it's usually still the end)

Crying to girl when she needs emotional support? Usually a problem (circumstancial/personal this one)

Crying for the beauty of life - well, as long as it's a once in a blue moon occurence I don't think many (if any) girls would have a problem it (just a guess really)

Crying from a cut toe - hmmm...well I don't know if that's even possible for a guy, so rather difficult to comment

Crying because you upset the other...dunno, no idea

Crying because they upset you...problem (again only my opinion)


...the original post was in relation to guys crying when a girl breaks up with them.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 08:49 pm
vikorr wrote:
...the original post was in relation to guys crying when a girl breaks up with them.


and that seems to not be a problem for the women who are posting here
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 08:52 pm
May I point out that the guys appear to be talking about crying in relation to different circumstances than the girls are talking about crying in?

What in the world makes you think I'm talking about "different circumstances" than a man is?

If something makes a man cry, it makes him cry.

Period, end of subject.


One last note...regarding what any two people in a relationship discuss and cry and laugh over privately.....no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:02 pm
Chai wrote:
One last note...regarding what any two people in a relationship discuss and cry and laugh over privately.....no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
In theory perhaps but in practice I am not convinced that the type of privacy you suggest is not often enough breached for various reasons, not the least of which is the communications between good friends and other trusted individuals.

Then there are the unwashed mases that wear their heart on their sleeve.
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:02 pm
Quote:
What in the world makes you think I'm talking about "different circumstances" than a man is?

If something makes a man cry, it makes him cry.

Period, end of subject.


This quote of yours :

Quote:
I don't think a man is weak if he cries, and I don't know any women who think so either.

I've never had a conversation with a woman who had disdain in her voice over a man crying.

I think that just must be what some men think women think.

Jesus, I thought we were past all that crap.


It struck me that we must be talking about different things, because I specifically mentioned crying in relation to a woman breaking off the relationship....you generalised it to be about all crying.

Further, I doubt you'll find a heterosexual man alive who thinks that women are attracted to a man and would enter a relationship with a man who blanket crying - ie crying in any circumstance. (I mentioned heterosexual because gay guys obviously aren't involved intimately with women, and likely see things differently)

There could possibly be an exception to my statement, but I would think they are few and far between.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:10 pm
Chumly wrote:
Chai wrote:
One last note...regarding what any two people in a relationship discuss and cry and laugh over privately.....no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
In theory perhaps but in practice I am not convinced that the type of privacy you suggest is not often enough breached for various reasons, not the least of which is the communications between good friends and other trusted individuals.

Then there are the unwashed mases that wear their heart on their sleeve.



I suppose you're right chumley, more's the pity.
I have had both women and men try to tell me something I felt was far too intimate as far as emotions, and their relationships, and, I've asked them to stop. Generally the people who do that are immature, and treat life as a reality show.

Some things are private, at least in my home they are.

vikor...my comment was obviously inclusive, including the subject of the thread.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:10 pm
Anyone who cries all the time, man or woman, may have some serious problem in the background. We all know that, don't we?

If a guy who has been through a complex relationship with a woman cries for a minute at some point, I'm not going to be all over him for pussiness.

I'll leave that to you.

Usually it doesn't happen, because defenses are up.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:15 pm
hawkeye10 wrote:
dlowan wrote:


Whether a man cries easily or doesn't has very little to do with my assessment of his strength or attractiveness...except that, given our frequently noxious prescriptions for what men and women should be, I have a lot of respect for a man who is strong enough to express sadness, or joy, or being deeply moved, through tears. He's had the guts to stand up to a lot of traditional bullshit.


but are you in the mainstream? There is to my eye a lot of evidence that while women have long claimed that they want a new aged sensitive male who can cry for them, in practice this is rarely the case. women believe this is what they want until they are actually confronted with it, and then they are repulsed. think this is also shown by how little success the sensitive male has in getting the best women. For over decade i believed the line that women want the new age man, I see no evidence of this in the majority of men and women that I know. I now am firmly convinced that it is a myth, that men who don't ignore it are screwed.




Well, we live in very different groups, for which I am heartily thankful.


By the way....who said/says anything about crying "for them"?


If a bloke cries I would assume it is for himself, and if a fella cried "for me" I'd think him as daft as a woman who "cried for me", or a woman who "cried for" a man.


If a man is PRETENDING to be sensitive (and I have seen it done a lot by a couple of men I know very well.....often to good short term effect) then I do consider him weak...if he is prepared to lie about himself to get sex....just as I think women who act all frilly and pathetic and helpless to impress men are weak and dumb, too.


The genuinely strong AND sensitive men I know do damned well, thank you very much. Being sensitive and expressive is human. I want a human for a mate, not some idiot who is too scared to show his feelings.


I keep seeing this "nice guys finish last" crap all over here, and it's like a fungus, too ubiquitous to be bothered arguing over...but now I'm arguing!


In HUMANS generally I like strength and a hint of the devil. I don't think any of my friends are super "nice". They're all capable of being arrogant and stroppy and competitive and tough, and plain ornery some of the time.


This is not a "male I want" thing...it is a PERSON I want thing. And I think men who want cutesy, weak little women are daft, as well as women who want men who can't be vulnerable are.

As I said, that has nothing to do with weakness.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:23 pm
A man shows confidence and strength when he allows others to see
his emotional side of him, and crying is one of it.

The men who object, are usually the insecure ones who have problems
with their own masculinity, otherwise a tear or two wouldn't bother them
as much.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:33 pm
Sic.
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:37 pm
dlowan wrote:
This is not a "male I want" thing...it is a PERSON I want thing. And I think men who want cutesy, weak little women are daft, as well as women who want men who can't be vulnerable are.

As I said, that has nothing to do with weakness.


For friends a generic flattened person is just fine, but not for an intimate relationship. I want the passion and the tension of the Masculine/Feminine dance, I think that a marriage or serious relationship without it would be dreary, and short. I am the guy, the girl is the girl, and she must have the knowledge that I am strong enough to deal with her BS, and any BS that life throws our way. That frees her up to be the woman, and do what it is that feminine women do. If my feelings are getting hurt all the time and I keep needing to have a good cry then I am not strong enough or clear headed enough to be trusted by my woman to be the leader when the relationship needs a leader.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:39 pm
Good luck to you.
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:52 pm
Chai wrote:
vikor...my comment was obviously inclusive, including the subject of the thread.


We would have to disagree, seeing as it didn't, and still doesn't (without the clarification of your other post) seem that way to me.

Dlowan
Dlowan wrote:
If a bloke cries I would assume it is for himself, and if a fella cried "for me" I'd think him as daft as a woman who "cried for me", or a woman who "cried for" a man.


I laughed at this one - couldn't agree more Laughing

Dlowan wrote:
The genuinely strong AND sensitive men I know do damned well, thank you very much. Being sensitive and expressive is human. I want a human for a mate, not some idiot who is too scared to show his feelings.


A good thing.

Dlowan wrote:
I keep seeing this "nice guys finish last" crap all over here, and it's like a fungus, too ubiquitous to be bothered arguing over...but now I'm arguing!


Oooh, this would be a fun debate. Not that I necessarily disagree on the principle, but there is more evidence for it being true (as a generality), than for it not being true.


Calamity Jane wrote:
A man shows confidence and strength when he allows others to see his emotional side of him, and crying is one of it.


Of course. Was this at issue?

Calamity Jane wrote:
The men who object, are usually the insecure ones who have problems with their own masculinity, otherwise a tear or two wouldn't bother them as much.

It can be rather insensitive of us can't it.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 09:56 pm
ossobuco wrote:
Good luck to you.



I said that sarcastically, but not entirely so. I really do wish you good luck with your dichotomy tools and not too bad of a landing in the more complex world.
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 10:05 pm
ossobuco wrote:
ossobuco wrote:
Good luck to you.



I said that sarcastically, but not entirely so. I really do wish you good luck with your dichotomy tools and not too bad of a landing in the in the more complex world.


No problem. Just so you know i was for a very long time the sensitive caring new age man. it was not till I got to my 30's that i realized that what women say they want is not what they really want most of the time. I found that out from being married for 21 years so far, but also by looking around. It came as a hard lesson to me that nice guys finish last, that emotional guys finish next to last. I am morally offended by this status of affairs but i have to live. I now don't care what the women in my life say for the most part, what they actually do is what matters.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 10:10 pm
Hawkeye, I'm not without a lot of sympathy. You have met the f.king wrong people, in my opinion.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 10:11 pm
hawkeye10 wrote:
I now don't care what the women in my life say for the most part, what they actually do is what matters.
Yep with the women in my life I too go by by their body language, and their tone of voice; not so much on what they actually say.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 10:13 pm
(and, Hawkeye, however much I give you grief, I'm glad you are here at a2k giving us literate thoughtful posts.

Enough nice, works up some sentences....)
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 10:14 pm
ossobuco wrote:
Hawkeye, I'm not without a lot of sympathy. You have met the f.king wrong people, in my opinion.


Maybe, but that does not explain why I keep running into so many guys who, just between us guys, have come to the same conclusion based upon their life experiences. I don't want to believe it is so, but the evidence seems pretty clear to me, even in spite of the fact that the PC police will not let anyone talk about the subject out in the open.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 10:14 pm
Quote:
It came as a hard lesson to me that nice guys finish last, that emotional guys finish next to last. I am morally offended by this status of affairs but i have to live.


I was rather offended when I came to realise this as well. The only thing being, I refuse to change who I am, and choose only to grow. As it stands, I'm happier now than I've ever been....now if only I could find a girl to share life with Laughing

The percentages do change as we get older. And there are always exceptions to the 'rule' (it is only a generality after all)
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