Marrying in a month BUT torn apart

Chai has made an excellent point. Aya, Perhaps God sent you to A2k to have the truth revealed.

Agreeing with Chai.




We post on a2k from many places world wide, from different cultures, different religions, and variations within those. But, please, have what they call 'common sense'. You seem to be volunteering for a life under a controlling man. Just stop it. I am rarely so bold with my advice, but in this situation I do say stop.

Yes, God can lead us to lots of situations, BUT He requires us to be discerning, too!!

Use your God-given brain and listen to your God-given sense of alarm and walk your God-given legs out of there!

You may marry a guy without knowing what his job is...why does it seem like I can't get past 17 seconds in a new conversation with a woman w/o being asked what I do?

I'm an assistant drive-thru manager at Taco Bell, in case anyone is curious.

Aya, what did you hope to hear from people here? "Go ahead, everything will be OK, it'll work out great somehow"?

Nobody will tell you that. It will most likely not be OK. Choice is yours. Yours only.

My thoughts exactly!

And I agree with the others as well.

Ummm, Ummm....you'd better put a "whoa hee" on that wedding till you venture off enough to get some real details from this man. I'd hate to think that about the time I said..."I do" the cops would come busting up in there and haul him off in cuffs, then indict you because of association.

Ever thought about that?

Listen to your gut feeling, it's usually not wrong.

I can't see anything legal going on here with a man that gets fighting mad and defensive over being asked what he does for a living, and the answer is "working from home"...with no more details than that?

Whats he into? Kiddie porn? Drug Trade? Pimping? Sweat Shop Management? They work from home also....

Don't tell yourself he's trading stocks all day..........or selling Tupperware.


If your afraid of inconveniencing your guest one month prior...you need to think how inconvenient it will be wearing orange......for 10-15 years.

I don't even know the guy but now I'm popping to know what he does all day. Aya, you have to find out and then come back here and tell us.

Yeah, I'm anxious to hear this one myself...lol


Dig a little deeper!

Re: Marrying in a month BUT torn apart


Those 3 things really bother me. I knew someone once that fell hard and fast for me. Two weeks is just way "out there" in my opinion as to falling in love with someone enough to ask them to marry you.

Oh, and I was his princess too. He really wasn't aggressive though. Not till we were in the same house together. All warning signs of an abuser.

That does NOT mean he is one. Not at all. It just means your antenna should go up. Take your time with this man. Listen, Aya, hun.......you don't have to get married so soon do you? If he truly is your prince charming......what's it going to hurt to wait till you know each other better? A "prince charming" would respect and understand your desire to wait a while longer. And love you, anyway.

Don't accept his aggressive behavior. That's not healthy for either of you. You have things to work out. I think they are best worked out prior to marriage. It seems taking problems into marriage usually only increases them. It does not solve them.

I wanted to say the same thing! I've just gotta know now... I don't know how Aya has been able to stand not knowing--this guy is lucky he doesn't have me to put up with, I wouldn't give him a moment's peace until he told me!


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Aya, someone advised you to say something like, "I'm not comfortable marrying someone who can't tell me what he does for a living," and you said that you can't say that because he won't deal with being threatened. The thing is, that is not a threat! It is just saying that you can't be comfortable with a marriage that's starting out with distrust. Totally reasonable, and just being honest.

If he hears that as a threat, rather than just you expressing your feelings, then that's a significant problem right there. Don't marry someone who perceives honest discussion as a threat.

Well said Cypher Cat...Well said!

Thanks, it took me like twenty minutes to get it to make sense

Making you "feel" like a princes should be the last reason to marry... anyone!.
One of the easiest things for a male to do is just that... it's a meaningless and superficial, to make you "feel" like one.That's unless he's extremely rich and you are one of those females who feels the $ is more inportant than a truthful happy honest union... better to go with someone who makes you feel safe, cherished, and comfortable at all times... who is there for you when you have doubts or is "feeling" uncomfortable about anything and is completely honest at "all" times about anything and everything... that's what he should strive for, not treating you like some cheap and easy toy for him to manipulate.

I guess every1 has knocked some sense into me..........i really need to think about this deeply..........thanks to every1 for their contribution. you actually told me exactly what was banked in my subconscious..............

Getting away aint easy like every1 says BUT it sure is better than being sorry AFTER....

Just gotta figure out the HOW

Aya- It is LOTS easier than marrying him, and then having to extricate yourself from a miserable marriage, many years and a few kids later. Now is the EASIEST time to stop yourself from making a terrible mistake.

If it were me, I would simply tell him that I want to call the wedding off, am not ready to commit to marriage.....................and tell him why. If he becomes angry, than I would know for sure that I made the right decision.

I agree with Phoenix!

Are you afraid of him?

I thought of a couple more things that make no sense.

Aya speaks of asking his friends to get information on his job.

Why do his friends know what he does, and not her?

Does Aya have a family? It sounds to me that Aya has some very traditional values. There's no father that asked this man what his intentions towards his daughter are, and explain how he intends to support the family....No mother, brother, sister, cousins, uncles or aunts.

When I was getting married, everyone asked me, "So what does he do?" It's a natural question. No relative or friend has said "How can you be marrying him if no one knows anything about him."

I thought about the friends as well and couldn't figure out why they knew, but she doesn't.

Other good points as well Chai.

Montana- Could it be that the friends are involved in whatever this guy is? The plot thickens!