On the edge and toppling off....

Ah... at least you got some feedback.

HUGS

here if you need to talk.

oh... sorry... didn't see you J.... yep - he's been using it ... a lot. I make it worse when he talks (talks.... not quite the right expression there).... to me.... he's pretty mad at me right now, he's telling me just how mad. Why... errrrrrrrm - because I am a pathetic excuse as a person.

I won't call his mobile. I make it worse if i say tell him i love him, i make it worse if i use a voice without emotion - that means i don't care, i make it worse if i use emotion - he says i am then a "weak" pathetic excuse... i can't say anything. nothing.

it's ok.

someone's with him.

it's not me. that's probably good for him. he's pretty angry with me.

Hello Izzie. Please don't sing.
R will be fine. You've been on this well beaten path. Look down, those are your footsteps marks. I'm here for you.
Unbelievable video you put together Izzie.
You always lift peoples spirit above the clouds to bask in the sun...and that is the truth.

Geez, you folks type fast.

Oh goodness...
I'm here too Iz. Prayers and thoughts, prayers and thoughts...
and BIG HUGS.

Yeah, I figured phoning him wasn't the best plan A but it was an option if you couldn't get through to anyone else.

Still here...

Izzie deep breaths, tea, deep breath I will do the drinking for us both! X
Speak tomorrow girl X

Thanku Alex...

nah... no singing right now <smiles>

J, mis, Tulip...

i think it's calm... i don't know, i haven't heard anything for a coupla hours. my father turned up - i don't think he's done that before - he had run away from home - he hasn't done that before either! he heard R was on his way, my mom was out, so my dad ran away. i don't blame him. it was good to see him - it's been a while - he lives about 8 minutes away. we talked. that was good.

tired now... gotta eat something

yep... food

tea

oxygen

wrists cut with a dinner knife - messy - not life threatening.

few large holes in the wall from fire extinguisher.

deputy manager was able to de-escalate him. we (dep mgr and me) talked at length after. one should never talk at length whilst cooking... food under the grill tends to set on fire whilst yabbering! deputy manager is..... as upset about the lack of help for R, not quite as upset as we are, but hurting too and definitely understanding. very understanding... tho he knows that will make no difference.

The Manager.... handed in his notice yesterday. Funny old thing a?

NEXT!

OH Izzie - poor R. Poor you. Glad the manager handed in his notice. GOOD GRIEF!!!!! how frustrating for you - (((IZZIE)))

so sorry hun.

i think R is alright at the moment. i think so.



me - its very dark where i'm at. looking for a torch to try and find my way back, i keep taking a wrong turn, i know i'm doing it, I'm drawn back each time, he, my love, keeps holding my hand and then letting go and i keep looking to reach him again, but he keeps just brushing my fingertips, briefly, then he dissolves, it's just a whisper, but it's so loud. i just put up a big barrier to try and stop me doing it again, it hurt me doing it, it doesn't feel good, the right thing for him doesn't feel good for me, love shouldn't hurt like this, i think its the only way to stop it once and for all, it never needed to stop, i know it won't stop, but he'll think it has, i'm letting myself hurt for a missing piece of our puzzle.

i think i need to be with someone. will go and find tulip.

Tulip would be good.

I was gonna send a flashlight with you, but yer suitcase was SO damn full...

(hugs)

Oh Iz...I wish I could sit with you - but I am here (((Izzie)))

Oh, Iz- life is such a funny funny thing. Seems I hurt so much more acutely when when my friends hurt whether it's with them or for then sometimes I don't know. Feeling sadness today for you. Don't mind me though, I'll be fine. Just writing out loud.
Saw my counselor yesterday. Got to another memory. Seems they'll never stop. But I know it's a means to an end - my getting better - for good. I'm going through a process, I know. It needs to happen so that I can get to where I need to, want to go. It just hurts so much right now and I have so much anxiety and I feel like a walking raw nerve! Sorry. I feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel but it's such a long way off. OY! OK, I'll stop now. Positive thoughts ... this too shall pass, eh?

I just realised how close to the edge I am.

Sorry mis... I shouldnt have done that on your thread.

How dare people think that everything is a work of art..... my sons wrists aren't a bleeding work of art. My son's life cannot be affirmed appealing.

Cr*p - I don't like this anger inside me right now.

I knew I was close to the edge earlier.

I know my state of mind is completely screwed. One minute I have a phonecall not knowing if its "done"..... next "oh N, he's ok now" the next "he's on a window ledge" the next "we got to him in time"....

the next he screams at me

the next..... that doesn't even matter.

the frustration here is doing me in.

up down up down up down.... what am i, a bloody yo yo.


mis.... i am so sorry if i derailed your thread. maybe i should just STFU.

I'm sorry.

I started tea, and I got your sweatshirt on.

(It's chilly here, too)

Have a deep breath, and a soft hug, muffin...

Iz...you did nothing wrong on my thread. As I said - your heart and the contents thereof are precious to me...whenever - wherever you feel like sharing please do. The weight you are carrying right now is huge...anything I can do to help bear that burden would thrill me. Even if it is just listening...I can do that. Love you...hugs

Rock - you wearin' Izzies sweatshirt? Isn't it too small?

Hang on Izzie, hang on. Rock is reaching up to tie a knot in the end of your rope.

It's a special one I give her to wear while she was stayin' in my air-conditioned hideaway...

(It might got a story or two innit...)