I am torn and need advice *HELP*

Thank you I know I am a survivor. We all are really. Just like the song by destiny's child Survivor.

It is going to be hard to start over, but sometimes it helps.

My mom called to see how I was. It was hard trying to tell her while his dad was in his room and I in the attic (our bedroom).

She is trying to tell me not to find a place first. She asked me what does he want in this. I told her he wants me to stick it out until he dies. I don't know how long that is, It could be 5 yrs, 10 yrs or a year. Hey if I knew how long fine and dandy.

Also I can not buy like a case of beer and have friends over. He said Our home is a Christian home and he is abiding by that. Has nothing to do with his dad on that part. But his dad would agree with him cause his dad is a christian that way too.

Country Girl--

I don't know why you and your husband ever married--but you did.

Divorce is not "wicked". Divorce is a dividing of two incompatible people.

Your mother is right. First get back to Pittsburgh and find some way of supporting yourself. Then make plans. Your marriage hasn't been spectacularly satisfactory, but you're going to have to get used to the idea of being Single Again and you may as well save up your security deposit and first month's rent while you adjust.

One step at a time.

When are you leaving for Pittsburgh?

My mom talked with my hub to try to see what kind of solution can come up for us and such.

My mom, my hub and his dad all think I may have some kind of chemical imbalance, hormonal problem or something. My mom mentioned it to my hub that the way I tell her things and such does not sound right. Also she put the two and two together that sometimes loosing someone so close can trigger that too.

So my hub is calling a clinic that the church we go to own to set up an apt to talk with the doctor, get testing and blood work done to see what the problem is. Also i was so emotional too today. I never cried so bad in my life that I can remember of.

Country Girl--

Supportive family is a marvelous asset. You may have jumbled hormones, but you've got a good mother.

Let us know what the tests show.

Will do, My apt is on March 18th at 5pm.

My hub had to stay home from work again today because of the snow. Gah I hate winter right now. He called his boss today about the snow. He said no problem and he got promoted for full time and starts that on monday. So loosing 2 days and picking up 40 hrs next week helped.

He was on his way to work last night but had to turn around. I was up in bed watching Tv and was not up to talking to him because we all had a huge fight with his dad included. I had cried so bad that I could not breathe.

He came up to the bedroom, I looked at him and said what are you doing home. He said for one the roads are bad but for two I can not go to work like this all mad and such. Also leaving you like that.

He said get up, we are getting something to eat. It was not snowing where we were. But It was snowing bad where his work was and he could not get in. It is now snowing today here. Gah. We went to Denny's for dinner then Kmart. He got this tooth brush holder that I thought was cute and could hold our big tooth brushes.

I am ok today, I am still on thoughts with his dad right now. But I did apologize to him when I yelled at my hub and told him to his face that I want just me and him. But I said it so rude that it bothered me.

This is when he sat down and said lets get you looked at with the doctor. He said that he, my mom and his dad think that I may have some problems and such. What I said above. Also I told him that I wish my sister can come back, and stuff like that. I am living with regret for what had happened in the pass with my sister and us.

Country Girl--

Talking things out is good--as is your husband's job.

I'm a little under the weather tonight, but I'll post more tomorrow.

Hold your dominion.

Country Girl--

Is there any chance that you and your pastor and your husband and his father can all sit down for some discussions? The pastor wouldn't necessarily be a font of great wisdom, but I bet he'd make a dandy referee.

May all your problems melt with the end of winter--but in case they don't, keep looking for solutions.

I don't know. WE have not been to church in a long time. Maybe once they start going and such. The pastor that the church that we used to go to is very busy. But he does make time.

I have a feeling that my hub may ask on of his old best friends advice. He just went through a very bad divorce and did not know it was coming. His friend likes me and adores me. So I am sure my hub would ask him advice like what can I do to make her happy and such.

Today marks 48th anniversary for his dad and mom. His mom had passed away few yrs ago.

Noddy, I wanted to pm you but I could not since I do not have the privileges right now to do so. I don't want to post anything on here about something that I wanted to talk to you directly.

Is there away I could do that?

Countrygirl--

I'll PM you.

My mom called me today to see if I could come out to pgh tomorrow. My brother in law's mom was rushed to the hospital today from his house after getting his kids off to school.

So I told her that is fine since they need help getting the kids to school. So will be there until Easter sunday night. My hub will come out on a weekend to hang out since he has to work all week during the week.

Country Girl--

Good that you can be useful while straightening out your own confusion.

I assume your husband will not be bringing his father along on visits?

Good luck.

His dad don't like being at my parents place because they swear. But he loves my parents and would rather them come over our place instead.

I could care less about that anyways cause I would rather have fun and let them swear than watching everyone say oooh I'm sorry for saying that.

I got a funny feeling about something. I told my hub's dad jsut few mins ago that I found a RAnch house in Pgh for 600 dollars 3 bedrooms. Ranch house, no steps. He says where is it at. I said Baldwin which is in Pgh. Oh I don't know about that.

The reson is that he thinks that the area of WEst Mifflin and such has bad traffic. Hell no, Robinson Pa has the worst traffic of all and news flash that is where Crafton is that is where his dad wants.

What do I do, I do not want to live in crafton. I hated it there lived there for 7 yrs. There is nothing there, buses stuck there. I have to walk so far or pay more money to take buses from there.

should I tell my hub find another area out side of crafton or I leave or what. What do I do. Cause once we move we don't want to move no more. We moved too much since we been married and I hate it.

Help!!

Country Girl--

You and your husband are a married couple with a permanent house guest.

You get a vote as to where you live. Your husband gets a vote as to where you live.

Question: Does the house guest, your father-in-law get a full vote?
If so, your husband will have to break the tie. Will he side with you or your father.

In a way, this is the story of your marriage.

I mentioned it last night to my hub. He said honey, he is going to live where we live. If we live in Baldwin then we live there. Its too bad for him. He is under our roof.

Country Girl--

Evidently your f-i-l is going to be with you--but you get to pick where you live.

You have to decide whether this works for you or not.

Country Girl

I agree with Noddy. Your father-inlaw is a permant house guest. The decision where to live should be between you and your husband. I do not think every time you get upset about something you should threaten your husband with leaving. It becomes such a permant threat after a period of time and you are still there that he doesn't even hear you. I really think it would be a good idea if the two of you went for counseling. Is it possible that you could get a house where your father inlaw could have a section of the house to live in and take care of himself?

Hey guys, it's me, yeah still alive and still at the same ole place. lol

Hub is working as well as I, but still have thoughts. I just have no where to go.

He mentioned to me at work the other night about living in sin. (Christian life) swearing and getting drunk is a sin according to the bible. He said that we need to think on our life style, live like a Christian or not.

Well he said he is going to live like a Christian, no swearing, drink (a bit drunk like) etc. I told him that I don't feel that I am living in sin. I am not stealing, cheating, those kind of things. But swearing it is just a word to me, he said would you swear to Jesus. I said no, well it is the same thing. I dunno.

I am just hanging there. IF I drink oh well. My best friend finally moved back to Pittsburgh, finally. Me and hub is going to the bonfire for Memorial day sunday. I am drinking and swearing. I don't care.

I can not move into my parents house at all. No room to put my things. Nother thing, I am scared if I do move out, I don't have money to live on. If I would do leave, I am better off doing it when he is not home as well as his dad, then breaking the news. I can't say Im leaving and don't leave until I can cause things change again. I still feel like I am a prisoner. I do love him one way but don't in another. I can't explain it though.

I dunno

Country Girl--

You seem unsure as to what you really want.

Your parents might not have room for you and all your belongings, but storage lockers aren't all that expensive.

Life doesn't come with guarantees. You might leave your husband--and then be miserable. Or you might make the split and be joyously happy.

Have you done anything about finding a professional counselor to talk to? You have your past and present to understand and your whole future to sort out.