I am torn and need advice *HELP*

Thank you Noddy. I am looking forward in being with my mom cause she does indeed need me. Also I am looking forward in going to Cincinnati with them for my niece's competition as well at the end of this month.

Today I bought hair dye, the skirt I liked, a shirt to go with it, and a pair of Van's skater shoes. My hub was not too happy about it, but lately he is now getting a picture from me that now the money I bring home is mine, not ours.

But he did have an interview and they want him, so they will call him on monday. So I can go over an stay with my mom and he can pay the rest now. Looking forward to it.

My other concern is this. If I do go back home Wva, i will be more homesick and not want to be there. But I will do what my heart desires.

Countrygirl--

The chances of your husband turning back into the man you thought he was when you married him and the two of you moving back to W.Va. to live happily ever after are small.

You'll never have everything that you want, but you've made a huge start by beginning to figure out what is most important to you.

This statement is extraordinary in its pessimism. Yes we don't go backwards we go forwards, however if two people are committed to each other and the relationship the chances of moving forward into a mutually agreed and mutually beneficial relationship are quite good. The fact that this guy went out and got a job is promising, the fact that you countrygirl are willing to stand your ground, is promising.

Hawkeye--

If you were a woman and knew that Prince Charming expected you to support him--and cater to his aging and difficult father--with allowing him to pick your clothes and makeup, would you marry him?

Country Girl married an illusion and is now realizing that she doesn't want to live with the mistake.

Two people are needed to make a marriage work. All the work in this marriage seems to be coming from Country Girl.

Jeez, let the woman make up her own mind what her life has been and what she needs to do.

Why did you say that. I am going to stay in Pgh with my parents for while so I can make sure that it is the right decision. Noddy is right, I have to make sure it is what I want and all.

Right now we live in Wva. I said it backwards. My thing was me staying in Pgh with my parents, and then ended up going to my original home where marriage is, I get very homesick and not want to be there ever. Know what I mean.

I am trying my best in this.

Country Girl--

Hang on.

You're looking at the possibility of making a major change in your life--and you're putting a lot of thought into the process.

We're here if you need to think out loud.

Country Girl-

Your best is looking pretty darn good. Not everyone has the courage to stand up for themselves, to drive change when it is needed. All I am saying is don't let others "convince" you of what you need. Listen to yourself, figure it out yourself. That said, other peoples insights and ideas can be extremely helpful.

I understand where you are coming from Hawkeye. Everyone tells me to follow my heart and do what is best for me, and us.

Not just here, my good good friends and family.

I am glad to see that you did things for yourself. Pittsburgh is a good place for you to go. I live about 40 minutes from there and since there is so much to do, you will realize how you will like to have your newly found "freedom".

Of course I don't need to tell you about Pittsburgh since you lived there before!!

Pittsburgh is a beautiful city. When we left Pgh I wanted to leave there. I never thought I would miss it terribly. I have always dreamed of living in the country with horses. I know that will never happen with the way things are here with money.

I realized after living in Wva, I really miss Pgh and wished i had never left there. The only thing I don't like about the city is rush hour and traffic. But hey what can ya do right.

Hawkeye, now I know what you mean. It was very hard for me to stand up for my self. I still have some troubles in that too.

I'll spare you my theory on life...suffice it to say if you are better than you used to be you are golden.

Well there is no turning back now. I turned in my 2 week notice yesterday. Vday is my last day at my job.

I have a week to take clothing that I wear alot, and others that I have not gotten a chance to wear since i don't go out much.

I am nervous but excited that I am going to spend time with my mom and all.

I have already told my hub that I can not give you money for the month of March cause I will need it while I am there. He knows that.

I will be paying last month gas bill, we just got a new one and it is a double bill and late. Oh well not my problem once I pay last months bill.

he has a good lead in a job, they want him, they are just waiting for his papers back from the questionairs that he had to answer. It is full time and few dollars more than what I make. Hey he can now do his share of bills.

Make sure that you have done your legal homework. I don't remember anything about a seperation agreement. in which case you may be as responsible for bills and debts that "he" rings up as much as he is. Failure to pay might damage your credit as much as his, and even if you split collectors might be able to garnish your wages as well as his.

Nothing wrong with taking the risk, just know what risks you are voluntarily taking.

None of the bills are in my name at all. All of them are in his.

In my state that does not matter, debts are marital. The man has no income at the moment, know your risk....advised consent!

My long time best friend invited me out Sat night for dinner and a few drinks. So I took up her offer.

I met up with her and my other friends I grew up with in Pgh Pa. We had so much fun, I felt so good. I had a few drinks, had dinner, we laughed and joked. Something that I had not done is so long.

i did not want to let my best friend go or even leave Pgh at all. I wanted that night to go on forever. I did not want it to end. I can not wait to go and stay with my mom for awhile.

I keep getting this weird feeling in my guts like I'm in trouble or guilty like feeling.

Is that normal when anyone goes through this at all.

It's been awhile since I updated.

I had to canceled my trip to Ohio due to bad weather. I had no way of getting out of Weirton from all that ice and snow. So I stayed home.

I talked with my mom and she said come over whenever I want. Her only concern is my brother in law. He will ask me and my mom if I could come up every morning to get the kids off to school for his mom as well.

I told my mom that I am only come to pgh to help her not his mother. I will go up the 2 days that my mom has. She was like maybe you should stay for few wks for Easter. So I am thinking of going out there at the end of this week if I meet up with my friend. If I don't meet up with my friend then I will go early next week before Palm Sunday. I go to the Easter Cantata, my parents church hosts that every year and I grew up going to it and I love it.

I was going to my bedroom one day last week or 2 my hub said to me what is wrong. I said nothing, He looks at me and said you seem like you are ready to cry. I said I got a lot on my mind.

So he came up with me, I spilled out everything I had on my mind, bawling like a baby too. I told him I can not live with your father any more. I just want our marriage just you and me. Nothing else.

He begged me to stuck it wait, he don't think his dad will be around much longer. I don't see that. My grandfather said the same thing about my great grandmother how she don't have much time to live for and lived for another 10 yrs.

I told him I don't want to wait 5 yrs or 10 yrs. I want us NOW. He and I had our marriage alone the total not even a year. We were married for a month, his nephew ran away from home, so we let him stay until he got back on his feet, then he got bad so we kicked him out. 6 months later we found out that he was living on a bench in a park, took him in, layed down some rules, things were great with him, his nephew was not a problem with us with our marriage cause we had privacy, where we all did what we all did in our own pace or feelings. Then we told him to go cause we found a few things that were not good in our place.

Then my hub's mom passes away in 05, his dad moved in with us when my hub's grandmother passed away 2 wks after his mom, had to pack the house up to ship to his mom's brother, sell the house, move his dad's things into our place. I thought it was for temporary until he got back on his feet, like 2 yrs. I was proven wrong.

But we could not live what we wanted to, like if I wanted to watch die hard with Bruce Willis, I have to mute the tv cause it has f words in it, Who cares it's a movie. Also his dad lives with us, we don't live with him. I have to be careful in what I watch, what I say, do or whatever. Gah,

He said I can not ask him to leave, he was like I don't think this move back to pgh will do him good even though we are moving back to pgh. Also On top of it all, my hub really broke my promise. He promised me that we will live in an area that I picked, very nice, peaceful, not far from the city, not too close to the city. Well he said we can not live over there, due to a job. A job is just 10 minutes away, and not only that I heard his dad complain how he don't like the area cause of traffic, and all. I told my hub, traffic is worst in the area his dad wants.

Also I am waiting for my best friend to be living in Pgh in April May at the latest, they said I can stay with them if I decide to leave him. I can not live with my parents, with the way things are going with my brother in law. He is a manipulator. He will find ways to get me to watch his kids all the time, it is best for me to not live under my parents roof while this stuff that they are dealing with, they do not need any more stress. My mom even said that to me.

I do love my husband but I just can not live with his father any more. I feel like I am a prisoner in that house, can not watch what I like to watch, and such. I can't say **** in the house, yeah it is bad. My hub thinks that things are doing good now. Cause I am not saying anything at all, and just being patient is what I am trying to be. I am looking forward going to pgh, but I am not looking forward in dealing with my brother in law.

OH I told my hub that I will be getting my tongue pierced, he said don't expect me to approve it or like it. I don't care if he wanted his you know what pierced if he wanted it (he wont do it though) that is his body, and life. I told him that I love the skirt from sears, he said that one, I said yeah, if you wear it it will make you look like a hoochy coochy mamma.

WTF rude, hello

He said that this is not the Angel I know, meaning when we met and all. I told him you must be high cause that is who I am and always have been. I am tired of hiding my self, not being who I am, I should not have to change for him. There is nothing wrong with changing but not for that person.

I am still young and I am tired of missing out a lot since I have been married. Oh yeah, I told him I love to dance, no club cause he can't dance, but I told him you don't have to dance, I can, we can talk, drink a bit and such.

Also I forgot to mention this. I know it, all my friends are my age and his, they are not going to want to be at my place because we have an elderly man under our roof. When your older you don't want a lot of commotion, I know I seen it. I respect that. I want to have people over for football games, hang out, parties, have a few drinks. Noooooooooooo because we Christian. Christian's can drink, but do not get drunk, that is a sin. It does not tell you in the bible that having a few drinks is a sin. His dad don't like it. Gah it is all his dad, I refuse to invite friends over due to that, it is embarrassing. I told my best friend about that, she said to me, I would be embarrassed if that was my hubs dad and I invite friends over. Would you, Like my parents I can invite friends over cause they don't mind, and they respect that.

Country Girl--

You married a stranger.

So did he.

Then his father moved in and you're husband would rather please his father than please you.

I find it very interesting that he thought things were going better, not because he made any changes or the two of you made any plans, but because you weren't complaining.

He does not want to change to please you. You do not want to change to please him. No children are involved. Does your marriage really have a good reason to exist?