Left, and realized that stuff was stuff.
Take what you can, personal first, and NEVER look back.
Lessons learned young make for interesting stories in a life that is whole.
Trust your inner voice.
RH
Thank you,
I am going to wait until I get my 130 dollars in mail from 7 to 10 business days so he has 2 weeks to start going out and putting applications in.
i am not going to ask him or anything.
I will talk with my mother about all of this. I have a place to go.
I have to plan this with my parents to get it all together too.
Good Luck, and keep us posted.
Rocky
Hi Countrygirl....bless your heart, I can understand your frustration even though I have never had any In-Laws live with me.
I want to make a suggestion, maybe try another approach at this to see if it solves any of the problems.....
First off, I know you have stated to your husband exactly how you feel, but as Noddy put it...most men think things will blow off and go away. So my suggestion to you is to take the bull by the horns and find him a job.
Its easily done, go to one or two of the popular employment websites and post your husbands resume for him, apply to jobs he is cabable of doing and get him started for himself. Once he see's that finding a job isn't as much a hassle as he's trying to make it, he may be all for it. They do work, because my husbands is listed through two of the major ones and we get calls day and night for interviews. MOF, this job he has now is with the same company he's worked for during the past 18 years....he applied for this position through one of them and got the job. (different state)
So....help him find employment that way.
My second suggestion is this, find the FIL a hobby that will keep his hands and mind busy. If one hobby doesn't work, find another one. It could be as simple as finding him a 1500 piece puzzle and you starting it on the kitchen table, act fascinated by it, excited.....tell him how you plan to have it glued together when finished and framed. Who knows, before you know he may have it put together for you. If nothing else, put it in a spare bedroom.......
Hobbies vary from individual to individual, its all in what he's interested in. It could be cheap airplane models, to puzzles, to woodburning, or flower gardens, excercise clubs, to an adult daycare.....
But where the FIL is concerned, I'm going to take this in a different direction for the sake of things. I know you have tried hard from the sound of it to get along with him. But maybe he's having mixed feelings himself, feels he's a burden on you, he's in the way..etc. Maybe thats why he doesn't want his laundry mixed in with yours because he doesn't want you to have to deal with his belongings. Maybe he tries to cook to ease up the workload on you and doesn't know how to express himself unless he's acting the ass...?
But the thing is here, your going to have to learn to work it girl....work it to your advantage by taking advantage of what life has dealt you. We have to learn to change the things we don't like to suit us, even if it means we may have to be a little coy in the manner we do it because we can't change those around us. We just have to learn to work with them....to work them....... without them ever realizing it.
Its a thought...........
He does the laundry together now.
I will bring those up with jobs when daytime comes. lol tomorrow or so. But I am not going to say anything. He can do it, i don't have to remind him really.
Like I said, he needs to put effort in this too.
Quote:He does the laundry together now.
Thats good.........
Quote:I will bring those up with jobs when daytime comes. lol tomorrow or so. But I am not going to say anything. He can do it, i don't have to remind him really.
Like I said, he needs to put effort in this too.
Good, just remember that sometimes we have to literally drag and point them in the right direction.
right, I hear ya. I also got a few pointers too. I had been talking with a lady who had experience the exact same thing as me. She has been giving me some good pointers to make sure that the marriage is staying true or not.
Another question:
What makes you want to stick with this marriage?
Somehow from what you were writing there was nothing positive about it, I can see why it would be worth fighting for it.
I am sure there are things, maybe reminding yourself of them instead of seeing just the negative at the moment, can help you put things into perspective.
If there aren't: maybe it's better to call an end to it now rather than fight for a lost cause.
Also: Don't change just for the sake of someone else, and don't change in a way, where you will not recognize yourself any more.
You are YOU and that is what your husband married.
Compromises: OK!
Total changes: I would say, no way!
Countrygirl--
You sound as though both of you did your courting with a helping of "let's pretend".
Reality is coming through now.
Do what you have to do--and don't get pregnant.
Do you have someone who could help you move--with another (a third?) vehicle?
I cant have kids anyways so there is no kids involved.
Countrygirl--
Good. You don't need any little surprises right now.
Still having problems.
I tried talking with him again on Thursday. I told him how I would like to see happen between us. I told him that I would like us to get a place alone together as a couple. We are still young and would like to live our married life like we should. I told him I can see if we were in our 40's and his dad lived with us then, we would have already lived our young married life.
He said he can not ask his dad to leave. When he told him that I would like just me and him live our life. His dad said I'll move to florida and you will never see me. My hub told his brother and sister about this to see how they felt with dad moving there. They were pretty sad and upset about it.
They begged my hub not to let him go to florida. He also told me that he needs to know for sure if I am going to stay if his dad moves out.
But I saw what he wanted, I told him that I will have an answer soon.
I don't know how else to tell hmi.
Help, my one friend said leave, be happy.
Countrygirl--
Do you get the feeling that your husband wants the status quo to continue and that he's capable of some long-term fibbing to get his way?
My mom called me earlier today about my nieces competition in Hershey Pa and see if I wanted to go and help my brother in law and my niece.
I told her sure, but then after that she was telling me that she has planed on going to florida with her mom, her sister and brother in law will be driving down about a week after my mom and grandma arrives. Well my mom invited me to go. Now I really want to go to florida. I think she is going to see if they can pay for my airfare if I go, or I can ride down with my aunt and uncle. I am going to try and go to florida. I have not been to my grandmas condo in 10 years and I do deserve a mini 3 wk vacation, don't you all.
Noddy, what do you mean by that.
let me put it this way. I do love him, I know he does love me too. But if his dad moves to florida, no one in the family can afford going down once a year or twice a year to visit him, he can not afford traveling back to Pa and florida like my grandma does. Also he is all my husband have, his mom has passed on almost 3 yrs ago, his dad is the last parent. He wants to still have his moments with him while he is alive which is fine with me, I have no problems at all.
So I asked him how he felt with a separation for awhile. He said I will support your decision, he does not like it either but maybe this will help me think more. I will be calling my mom about all of this cause I will be living with my parents until I get back on my feet or back with my hub.
Is it worth it, I am so eaten up and torn by this. I do love him, but I just dont think I can live with his dad no more. I want to be able to walk out of my bedroom with under wear on, my sex life sux, cause there is another person in the house who is a big eaves dropper. It never bothers me to have sex if we had his niece or nephew over cause they dont eaves drop.
I know we can move on once the hurt stops. I hate seeing people hurting.
I think your father-in-law is a big baby!
I cannot get it my way? So I do something you all are not going to like!
That kind of threat would not go far with me.
If his family is that unimportant to him that he is willing to move and not see them again: Good riddance to him!
If your husband lets himself be intimidated by such babble, then I don't see any changes in the future!
Countrygirl--
I meant that your husband wants you to be happy and he wants his father to be happy and he doesn't want to take responsibility for making either of you happy. His hope is that either his father will start behaving or that you'll get used to young married life with an old and contrary man.
Have you given up the idea of seeing a marriage counselor?
A separation might be a good idea. Your husband would have a chance to realize just how much you contribute to his life. You would have a chance to sit down and think about your marriage.
My mom hit a nail on the head with me tonight.
I talked to her, she said right now it is not worth it. SHe knows deep down inside I love him and she knows deep down inside I want to be happy and live in pgh again.
she said also with me only making money that meets the other part of bills, she is more fearful with allimony and stuff. So she said right now, stick it out, move back to pgh together, find a place where dad can have his own bathroom, kitchenett and stuff like that.
If it don't work out then, leave and I would already be in pgh and the move wont be so bad.
So I spoke with hub, took him out to dinner.
he is very happy that I decided to work it out now, this is the hardest decision I had to make.
Countrygirl--
Talking things out is an excellent first step. Your mother is a wise woman.
The second step--moving back to PA and finding a house with a self-contained corner for your FIL may be more difficult.
Is your husband job-hunting?
Thank you, Yes my mom is a very good person to go to for advice.
As far as his dad is concern, i think it will be ok once we move back to pgh.
Yes he is out looking, has been calling around too. He will also apply at one job where my cousin is a big boss in corporate, he can probably get my hub in starting out and he can work his way up.
