I am torn and need advice *HELP*

Countrygirl--

Your discontent is making positive things happen. Good.

Thank you very much.

Right now things are doing good, we are slowly making things better. We are going up to Ohio for some home made Amish dinner tomorrow. Just me and him, we will stop at Tappan lake to take some pictures and all.

Countrygirl--

Good. Time without Papa is sorely needed in your marriage.

Countrygirl,

Not to be off topic but where is Tappan Lake and this Amish food that you are talking about in Ohio? I live in PA very close to Ohio and my husband and I were looking to go somewhere different to get away for the day. That sounds interesting to me.

Thanks!

Where abouts in Pa are you in.

This is in Sugarcreek Ohio the amish food, Berlin, Walnut Creek.

Tappan Lake is before New Philadelphia Ohio.

You can search on Google for Sugarcreek Ohio and Tappan Lake Region area.

Things has not really gotten better for me or him really.

Last night I told him how I wish I could go go Florida with my mom in April. But I can't. I told him that my parents are going back down after my mom comes back, and I told him that we could try to save up some money and go down with them.

He told, why. I said what is that supposed to me. He was like I don't think they want me around, and you probably don't want me to go or be around.

That pissed me off and it hurt me.

My problem is this, I can not say it to his face. I think it is out of fear. I even told my dad. he said he will see what he can do to make it easier for me as well. Help

Countrygirl--

Your husband is on the defensive.

You hurt his feelings when you insisted that his "solution" for the situation with his father was not acceptable to you.

He's a bit jealous that you want to spend time with your family--particularly when you've been very clear that you want his father out of the house.

This is the sort of situation where marriage counseling is helpful. A good counselor can help you hear the hurt emotions behind the ugly words, both his emotions and your emotions.

Your husband is frightened of losing you. Unfortunately his unhappiness doesn't make him terribly loveable.

Has he found a job yet?

No he has not.

We wont do counseling at all. It aint worth it.

Country Girl--

Do you feel a bit bogged down?

What do you mean by that?

He has told me when we were in the parking lot of Walmart arguing. He kept saying I give up and I don't care. I dunno.

I told him when I was up in the bedroom that I am going to see if my work will let me take a leave of absence to be with my mom for awhile.

My mom is really in bad shape with the grief over my sister's death that jsut happened on November 15th of 07 as well. My dad told me that he is trying to help her when she goes in a break down mode. But when I am with her or around her she does pretty good because I am with her. I look like my sister to and I think that helps her too.

Also I think this will help me based on my decision too. I will take my clothing, pc and hamster with me until I decide. And If I feel that I am better off staying with them then I will go back and get the rest of my stuff.

I think that is the best route to go. 2 of my friends agreed with me too. I will be talking to my mom later on today about this as well.

The other thing is that he is a true Christian and I am not. I want to live my life the way I always have. I love to dance, listen to music, dress what I loved to dress. Why should I hide my self, really. Like on friday I will be dying my hair in a darker color, he does not like that, also get this skirt that I like and he don't want me to, I got my eye brows done and he felt that I should not have to do that. Small things like that too. Um I am an adult and I should make my own choices too.

I am also thinking about getting some things that I have been wanting for quite some time, I mean a long time like for 10 years.

Right now, you sound like a prisoner trying to get out...

I hope you find your way!

Countrygirl--

"Bogged down" means trapped in a sticky, gooey mess without any way to crawl out to dry land.

Your last post shows that you're not bogged down--you're making necessary changes for your own sanity. Good.

Of course these changes aren't going to be making your husband happy, but a man with a resident father and no job hasn't been trying to make you happy, either.

Oh ok I see what you mean now. lol Sometimes getting phrases like that catches me off guard.

Yeah I was talking with my mom and she said I can come out and stay with her. So lets see what work has to say. I will have my 2 wks notices made out before I speak with them. That way if I can not take some time off, then I will hand them my good notice.

I will talk to my resource manager who hired me and loves me to see if I come back to Wva in a month or two or however, would they let me come back to work.

I know he is not, his problem not mine. I also told him that if I am going to stay with my mom, I can not give you money for rent and stuff if I am not there. So he said yes I know and I am not expecting that. Maybe I will just stay for few mos to really see what I really want. I know what I want. my thing is telling him to his face. Know what I mean. I think it is out of fear.

so what I probably and most likely do is take what I can with me now, pc, hamster and clothes, personal things small ones. Then a month later get a box truck and storage shed planed out, to get my furnishings and the rest of my things. Then if I feel that it is best for me and him then I will tell him.

It sounds like you are standing your ground and doing what seems to make you happy. It's time to think of yourself right now and if you aren't happy and going to FL will make you happy....you should do it.

I have been in situations that I seemed like I couldn't get out of and when I finally made the break away, I cleared my head and knew what was best for me.

I think you should pamper yourself, don't let anyone ever try and control you. You should be the only one in control of yourself.

Thank you, I agree I need to pamper myself now, I have pampered him for a long long time, It is time to break free for awhile. I am not sure if I can go to Fla but hey I can hang out with my dad, he and I are great together. We have fun, we bicker to drive my mom crazy for fun. I got my friends there too. Also I can help out with the kids while my mom is in Fla.

My dad is planing on making another Fla trip when my mom comes back from this one and I can go with them there.

The tone of the last email shows signs of relief already and you haven't even left to do what you need to for yourself.

I am leaving a job and it was just the two of us, so it was like handing him divorce papers.....once I felt free of the abuse and insults, I felt like a million bucks! Of course I am still at the job until the 8th, but i know nothing is stopping me now. I am ready to start fresh.

So I completely know how you feel right now. Feels good to do something that makes you happy...no matter what it is!

Wow I did not know you are dealing with some now too.

Thank you, I needed to hear it from someone who just went through it or is getting out of it too.

I do need to decide based on my decision and follow my heart.

Even though I was leaving a job with a boss that was just an a$$ and you are talking about a husband......it's not much different when I look at it from my point of view.

Country Girl, Kitty--

Congratulations to you both.

Strong women force change.