Today’'s breaking news stories…

Minuets - we weren't taught that in dance class. Then again, I took dance as a gym elective in 1978. I did learn how to hustle.

NEVER LULLED

FALSE SENSELESS INSECURITY INDICTED

Hustler Mag

Coming right up in late news effable old goat overcomes FOG when low batteries cut short inadvertent call to live fone sex again

OXFORD SCIENTISTS SAY MALE MULTITASKING ACHIEVED.

Extract from "Swinging and Proud", the magazine for men with abnormally low dangle.

"Scientists in Oxford have come up with a hands free texting system whereby men can keep up with the latest football scores whilst simultaeneously satisfying their partners"

Ken from Swindon says "It is an amazing breakthrough. Now I can keep up to date with the latest scores while keeping my darling Ermintrude happy"

Ermintrude commented "Baaaaaaaaaah" when interviewed in a nearby field.

Palpable sense of relief washes over the breaking news stories community as alphabetical order is again restored. As for texting while screwing, show me your typos, baby.

QUAKE’S

The perfect lovers' rock CD to make sweet music with your Valentine is to be made available to A2K this weekend - the real life sound of rock falls, volcanoes and earthquakes.

Geologist Frank Scherbaum, 52, from Berlin, Germany, has invented recording techniques to transform the sound of the planet's tectonic plates into something the human ear can hear.

Scherbaum reports: "Sometimes it is very majestic. It is also kind of ambient music. You have to take some time and really listen to it. It's a kind of earth music."

The peaceful, hypnotic rhythms could be the ultimate way to celebrate 14 February with your loved one. "It's not often you'll be able to say the earth moved and know just what it sounds like too."

New Mexico Correspondents purchased multiple MP3s of the The Seismic Sonata recorded from the Albequerque, NM, seismic station during the 1994 Northridge, CA, earthquake to ensure that Californian Lover’s continue to Rock.



http://www.quinnarts.com/srl/tour/music/Track21.mp3

Californian Correspondent reported that there were ground rules to be noted.

T R Yagain was heard to be practicing with Melodies.







Melody was unavailable for comment



http://austriantimes.at/news/Around_the_World/2011-02-09/30417/Lovers_Rock

Requiem chants pervaded the still morning air where someone had been blowing bubbles!

When quite by accident it was found that TR Yagain's blood was typeO; which probably accounted for today's headline.....

Police Suspect Foul Play In Duck Hunt!


However that did not diminish the enthusiasm of the crowds formed outside the perennial A2K Press Awards last night, and even though most of them were carrying torches and burning effigies, the elusive TR Yagain resplendent in a free merchandizing shirt still found time for some light relief over by the refreshment stand.

Site redesign causes some consternation but at least the drinks are still, erm, flowing.

Toggers in the A2K Halls Of Fame were bereft at the thought of T R Yagain sporting a shirt advertising "O, lymp Us!" Very cheeky

Noting the typOh! - British correspondent reports that even tho there is sufficient lighting for a low F-stop, opening the aperture whilst using a flash may be preferable to prevent underexposure occuring. "Point and shoots" are by no means preferable to Digital SLR's tho the sensors often need to be touched very carefully with specialty swabs to prevent any damage and spots appearing! Always use Eclipse fluids! (it's a 'loon ah' thing!)


One must never ever blow in the camera - dust bunnies get sticky!


(it's true... every word, it so iz!)

http://www.luminous-landscape.com/essays/sensor-cleaning.shtml

Unusual oversight in last night's A2K press awards: no recognition of wandeljw, the breaking news associate editor.

Very well, wandel, we'll recognize the patience you have shown with co-workers at the associated a2k press. In addition we commend you for abstaining from any salary for the years 2008 and 2009 when this town newspaper was in dire straights. Whoever you believe in will recognize the
saint status you so utterly deserve.

bookmark; to come later.

Xanadu correspondent joins the fold, but forgets 'phabet.

Yesterday was still a day away on Thursday and it was then called tomorrow. It was only by luck that it did not happen on a Wednesday, because someone - 'No names, no pack drill*'. Missed the freeking 'W',

* The 'no names, no pack-drill' mantra is first recorded in a memoir of the Indian Treaty negotiations, which took place between the British and Native Americans in Canada in the late 1860s.

This piece from the Manitoba Daily Free Press lists the phrase as an 'old saw' (i.e. a traditional, homespun proverb) in July 1874:

[Notes taken] At the time of the Indian Treaty of 1873.
No NAMES — No PACK DRILL. — Old saw.

However, whilst waiting for our new Travel Writer, I must redress the grievous omission of failing to report that the distinguished correspondent Wandeljw, the Breaking News Associate Editor picked up most prizes and also walked away with the prestigious A2K Design Award -

A report has been filed at the local Sheriff's Office for the return of the missing items...

An APB has been issued warning female members to be careful as Wandel has been described as a little 'Horny'.

Zounds! W, as in wandel, was missed!

All correspondents are ordered back to school, either to relearn the 'phabet or study to become rodeo clowns.

Am waiting eagerly for "horny" agent Wandel to respond.

Better believe that he's thinking of a clever come back, as we speak....

Clearly I will do anything to get an award or recognition, even wearing ridiculous headgear.

This is the latest rumor going viral on Facebook about the nefarious Facebook:

Domesticated dogs to be allowed in next series of A2k alphabetization protocol remedial courses.

dates to be announced when confirmed.

can you teach an old dog new tricks?

Eh, does this include wandel? It would explain the ridiculous headgear he's
wearing.