Today’'s breaking news stories…

Tell us, does this mean you're no longer knitting?

Unpardonably, I gave up knitting, but only in the form you imply.

(Francis knits his brow and shows an angry eye.)


Now, come, knit hands, and beat the ground, in a light fantastic round..

Very interesting: how many forms of knitting are there? Francis will hold his
special knitting seminar on November 18, 8:00 pm, sharp.

Wow! CJ developed exceptional ESP aptitudes.

My seminars' dates have not even realesed yet to the press...

x-ray vision is definitely an asset to have. Knitting seminar is filling quickly.
Francis may have to split his time into two seminars.

Yesterday was Thursdays tomorrow as cross-stitch kicks the knitters ass!
"I cast my bread upon the waters tonight" - Ecclesiastes 11

1 Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days.
2 Give a portion to seven, or even to eight, for you know not what disaster may happen on earth.
3 If the clouds are full of rain, they empty themselves on the earth,and if a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where the tree falls, there it will lie.
4 He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap.
5 As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.
6 In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Of course Jespah will claim it was (er,her) chicken soup!


Addendum: RIP lexicon exactitude.

Zsa Zsa Gabor once said: one of my generous divorce settlements were 5000 bibles. One of these bibles must have fallen into the hands of Tryst and his
alter ego. She also said: macho does not prove mucho - however this is a topic
for another night!

Ardent C-J aficionado Tryst seeks to prove less is more!

Bibles, shmibles -- the knitting's all in the wrist

Chuckling... it is all in wrist action!

Don’t you believe it …From our crime reporter:

Who sees Jespah is knitting as she drives (which is totally unsafe, and we don't advocate it). Pretty soon, her speed has crept all the way up to 95 mph--and she passes a parked police car. The car gives chase.

Officer Wandel turns on his siren, but the woman, oblivious, doesn't notice him. Finally, he pulls up alongside her car and yells, "Pull over! PULL OVER!"
Jes looks at him, looks at her knitting, and yells--



"NO! It's a CARDIGAN!"


Knot what you might expect I’m frayed.

"Emu Osborne Taking Lessons From Special Agent Wandel"

Special Agent Wandel was interrogating A2K’s newest recruit Osborne, who was training to become the next detective. To test his skill in recognizing a suspect, Special Agent Wandel showed him a picture for 5 seconds and then hid it.

"Osborne, this is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Osrbone answered, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

Special Agent Wandel scratched his head, thought for a while, and said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, Wandel flashed the picture again for 5 seconds at the Osborne and asked him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Osborne, after a long thoughtful moment, said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

Special Agent Wandel angrily responded, "What's the matter with you Osborne?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, Wandel showed the picture to the Osborne one more time and with a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

Wandel quickly added "...think harder before giving me a stupid answer."

Osborne looked at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

Special Agent Wandel is surprised and speechless because he really didn't know himself if the suspect wore contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He left the room and went to his office, checked the suspect's file in his computer, and came back with a beaming smile on his face as he looked reassured with his protege. "Wow Osborne! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! I am so proud of you. How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," Osborne replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."


Worldwide correspondents realised they had little chance in catching up with the multi-coloured yarn spinning, knit wit, T.R.Yagain.

“Darn It” Wandel was heard to mutter, as he walked slowly through the A2K halls...

Frustrating but necessary to train a new agent. Wandel is desperate after his Jespah and Tryagain debacles.

Good riddance to the crafty artwork scene! Ties are knot or tangled up - either way, pin(needle)pointing is the answer. Agent Wandel is good at this one!

“Help! The publication is full of knitting ads” Said the bemused Proprietor; where is the glamour? Enough already with the chicken soup, the readers want; Babes…

See pages 27 thru 176 for the photo shoot for the 2009 A2K calendar; featuring:

Calamity"Jane, Jespah, Lzzie (Swimsuit edition) Together with the hunky boys: Francis and Wandel with mystery guest celebrity's!

Just in time for the printing presses to roll...

Author decides calendars will boost profits of Breaking News " photographer Try'settin'up'the'camera has scheduled up a photo shoot for the 2009 calendar. Worldwide correspondents have been asked to take part.

All able bodied seaman may apply also.

Photographs will be shot in the following locations onboard:

January: “Abreast” the lifeboat
February: Atop the “Cheek Block”
March: Beside the “Anchor Ball” on the shank
April: “Berths”
May: “Cockpit”
June: “Heads” (Sea Cock to be considered after checking plumbing lines)
July: “Hold”
August: Mizzen Mast " diving to be discussed!
September: Next to the “Tackle”
October: Screw near the propeller.
November: “Whisker Pole”
December: With a “Peak”

No baggywrinkling will occur and ballast will only be used when required. Photos will take place “Underway”. Sails will be set so there will be no “Bare Poles”. “Crutches” will be used for spars! The Chief Mate and Coxswain who will be recognisable by their caps (with the following insignia will come about the ladies at all times.

Disclaimer: Calendar is purely for fun " offense at sailing innuendo is.... oops! Sailing terminology is correct...ish!

Independent auditor to be appointed to check for alphabetical malfunction; after scrutinizing the photo shoot -

Eye (I) Eye (I) say the crew!

HA!!!!!

Just self appointed Try'steamed'up'glasses insists on close up shots. He has two eyes....(British correspondent has closed hers) - he should be pleased with his contacts!

Special Agent Wandel is seen to be observing from the Crows Nest with telescope in hand! He has assured he is keeping and eye out for the infamous TRYagain.

Keen witty Tryst is nitpicking while his alter ego Tryagain is knitting on his
own knickers. Izzie snickers.

Leavening agents cause some rising -- even before the calendars go on sale ...