Today’'s breaking news stories…

Good working conditions are essential for a successful outcome. Craven the Scrooge is to blame really, not the cute hamsters that are used as scape goat.
Negotiations for a newly formed hamsterized union are under way as we speak.

Holey Schmoley - FRUIT CHEMISTRY UNFOLDS.

Following the breaking news from Fruity correspondent TRYayam, the discovery of the cantaloupe is reported from around the world, after CJ broke news that she can’t elope with a yam man.

Tryayam listed his cantaloupe varieties in alphabetical order:

• Anaconda
• Ananas (pineapple)
• Archer F1
• Athena
• Charentais
• Charon
• Cruiser F1
• Eastern
• French
• Western
• Western muskmelon
• Sensation
• Sidewinder improved
• Tuscan
• Viper
• WSC-04-13
• WSC-04-14
• Yubar.

CJ was reported to tell Tryayam - “I can’t elope” and be joined in wedded bliss with a family of cucurbitaceae " even if your gen’i’us is cu’cum’is.” and our “Try-nomial” name will be “Cucumis melo cantalupensis”.

Tryayam was said to have uttered the words..”CJ, we could be Sensation'al. I have an Anaconda which is 15-25cm long. I will improve my Sidewinder. You will be my Athena”

CJ replied “Yu’barmy Tryayam”

Tryayam is said to be “squashed”.

JesHampstar, having debated the benefits of the canteoloupe and ID’d the fruit chemistry with Special Agent Wandel reported:


Cantaloupe are a source of polyphenol antioxidants, chemicals which are known to provide certain health benefits to the cardiovascular system and immune system. These chemicals are known to up regulate the formation of nitric oxide, a key chemical in promoting health of the endothelium and prevention of heart attacks.It is good for the liver.

Monsieur F sends his best wishes and a dozen bottles of French red wine to Tryayam after CJ’s knockback. He is said to have written to Tryayam stating “Red wine increases the expression of human endothelial nitric oxide synthase, a mechanism that may contribute to its beneficial cardiovascular effects. You may need wine if you can’t elope Tryayam”

British correspondent reports: Cantaloupe is normally eaten as a fresh fruit, as a salad, or as a dessert with ice cream or custard. Melon pieces wrapped in prosciutto are a familiar modern antipasto. Sanjeev Kapoor describes the charentais variety: "the orange, sugary and fragrant flesh makes this fruit popular both as a dessert or main course.

Always up for DESSERTS.... being the backsyforward of STRESSED... the gal went off to find the Ambrosia custard.

Who knew!

Impressed by ‘backsyforward’ words our occasional correspondent Tryagain reportedly said:

“Go hang a salami; I'm a lasagna hog!”

Unable to contain her excitement C-J replied:

“Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas!”

Izzie, are you worried about an unwanted pregnancy ? She replied:

“No, it never propagates if I set a gap or prevention”

What do you think of that Wandel ?

“Go deliver a dare, vile dog!”

Oh Jespah; are you gonna let him get away with talking to me like that?

“May a moody baby doom a yam?”

Francis; can you do something?…

“Dogma: I am God”


Editors note: To avoid Wandel having to explain the subtle nuances contained therein; the words inside the curly “”, read the same ‘backsyforward’.

Just breaking into a smile -

CJ cried:
“Revolt, lover”

Izzie chuckled:
“Yo, Bottoms Up, US Motto, Boy”

Wandel pronounced:
Rats live on no evil star.

Jes replied
Rise to vote, sir!

Francis said:
Live not on evil.

TRYagain grinned as he whispered:
Ma is a nun, as I am!



Ah ha!

Knowledge is a powerful tool for having learned a new word today - boinking!
Make love no war, eh?

Let us all repeat:

cantaloupe, already married.

Or just listen.

mis en place

Breaking News that as Fruit Loop T.R.Yagain was shunned by Calamity J’athena " he diverted his veg’attention to old mate Asparagustavratzenhofer

Both boys attended the Swampsville Academy in the class of Liliospida " or Loopy-sods as it was commonly known to those in the know!

Try’a’sparrow-grass headed out to the coast with his box of French red wine where he found Asparagustavtatzenhofer secretly cultivating asparagus in the depths of the saline swamp.

Having consumed vast quantities of the vino with his long lost mate, correspondent Try’a’sparrow-grass sent news to JesHampStar regarding the medicinal and fascinating facts of Asparagus.

Strangely - Asparagus has been used from very early times as a vegetable and medicine, owing to its delicate flavour and diuretic properties. Asparagus is low in calories, contains no fat or cholesterol, and is very low in sodium. The effect of eating asparagus on the eater's urine has long been observed. French Novelist Valentin Louis Georges Eugène Marcel Proust claimed that asparagus "...transforms my chamber-pot into a flask of perfume.” Certain compounds in asparagus are metabolized giving urine a distinctive smell due to various sulfur-containing degradation products. Thus, it is now believed that most people produce the odorous compounds after eating asparagus, but only about 22% of the population have the autosomal genes required to smell them.

When Special Agent Wandel got a sniff of this story he quickly followed up the latest “leak” from T.R.Yagain after visiting CJ in Stockton, California's Sacramento-San Joaquin River Delta region where a festival was being held to celebrate asparagus. Then onto the city of Hart, Michigan, where he is to covertly join in with the parade and joined by the asparagus queen, Mismasparaga.

Special Agent Wandel to send “sample” to Professor F. P’ina’pot in Paris to track down the elusive T.R.Yagain after stating “I smell a rat TRYagain " Ur’ine a wee bit of trouble now”


British correspondent to seek out Victorian Chamber Pot and enlist the help of scent specialist Flavour Queen.

TRYagain grabbed his book “À la recherche du temps perdu” and headed to Mexico where he is to later correspond on “Jal’a’Pes’NO”s!

Well I never did!

‘Tis all wiki true!

"No success yet in my international pursuit of Tryagain," reports Special Agent Wandel.

Obviously, our Chicago correspondent is a man of few words. However, we
do appreciate his tenacity in pursuing his cause of finding Tryagain who has
severed all ties to the United States and is believed to currently reside with Marika, his second cousin , once removed, in the pampas around Budapest.

Pampas belonging to Marika has been checked. No sign that Tryagain was there.

Questioning Wandel's discovery of Marika's Pampas - Quechua speaking T.R.Yagain is thought to be herding his Alpacas closer to home.



The Vicuña National Park of Pampas Galeras is located about 90 kilometres from the city of Nasca (598 m.a.s.l), following a steep/winding road that leads high into the Andes till an elevation of 4200 m.a.s.l. This area is home of two American camels, the Vicuñas and Guanacos, which can be seen running freely through the Andean plateau. Unlike their cousins the Llamas and Alpacas, the Vicuñas and Guanacos are wild animals, they have not been domesticated and have adapted to high altitudes where drought and freezing nights are the natural rules. The Vicuña Reserve of Pampas Galeras houses roughly 70% of vicuñas in the world, therefore a tour to Pampas Galeras guarantee any visitor a good experience with these wonderful Andean camels. In addition to these animals, one also can see the famous Andean rodent known by the locals as Viscacha, as well as eagles, ducks and Condors.

When Wandel said "he smelled a rat" - is must've been the TRYagain Viscacha!

Oh er...

Resisting temptation to lurk in the beautiful Bulgarian pampas; details of which must remain with the Area 51 documents - T.R.Yagain from Restaurant Pampas; 529 Alma Street, Palo Alto, CA " Where he was tucking into;

Grilled ricotta salata and eggplant on lightly toasted focaccia
with smoked tomato coulis, served with mixed green salad

(Which only hit the expense account for 12 bucks.)

Said, “After Wandel’s failure to find a virgin in a nunnery; was he the best choice for such a mission. Olé!

Suspicion and disbelief greet Tryagain's report that he is in California. CalamityJane surely would have had him kicked out.

Taking a chapter at random from Tryagain’s memoirs " ‘Hotel California’ it becomes clear that Calamity-Jane was quite enthusiastic about ‘boinking’ until that is, she discovered its accepted meaning; after which it is believed Try became known as Johnny Appleseed and the rest as they say; is history!

Understandably, skepticism reigns when you're talking apocrypha.

“Verily verily I say unto you, Try AnApple a day to keep the doctor away”, so sayeth the little Blue Pomaceous Fruity Correspondent.

As apples ordinarily propagate asexually by grafting, T.R.Yagain now needs to do some hard graft.

Jespah reported that ‘Apples were brought to North America with colonists in the 1600s, and the first apple orchard on the North American continent was said to be near Boston in 1625.

Special Agent Wandel reported that the English scholar H. R. Ellis Davidson linked apples to religious practices in Germanic paganism, from which Norse paganism developed. Notably, that buckets of apples were found in the Oseberg ship burial site in Norway and that fruit and nuts (Iðunn having been described as being transformed into a nut in Skáldskaparmál) have been found in the early graves of the Germanic peoples in England and elsewhere on the continent of Europe which may have had a symbolic meaning, and that nuts are still a recognized symbol of fertility in Southwest England.

SouthWest British Correspondent to investigate further!

Davidson also notes a further connection between fertility and apples in Norse mythology in chapter 2 of the Völsunga saga when the major goddess Frigg sends King Rerir an apple after he prays to Odin for a child, Frigg's messenger (in the guise of a crow) drops the apple in his lap as he sits atop a mound.

Further, Davidson points out the "strange" phrase "Apples of Hel" used in an 11th-century poem by the skald Thorbiorn Brúnarson, she states this may imply that the apple was thought of by the skald as the food of the dead.

TRYagain is quoted saying “Frigg’in Hell " Where’s my seed?”

It was noted that apple seeds are mildly poisonous, and tho not usually enough to be dangerous to humans, they can deter “birds”.

Calamity Jane has been suitably deterred from anything claiming to be Golden Delicious.

After all... laughter is the best medicine!

Wandel reports that cider will hide her, but liquor is quicker.

X-tra concern arises over CalamityJane's safety with Tryagain visiting California.

Yes, I've taken precautions already, if not downright alienating myself, so
no one ever comes to visit evil, calamity Jane.

On a more serious note: in all of San Diego there will be a mandatory earthquake drill at schools in town and around the county. News stations will report tonight of earthquake safety tips and present earthquake kits that every family should have. The beautiful autumn time is also earthquake time, a somber reminder for us, that even paradise has its price to pay.

Zikes.... awaiting TRYagain posting about his earth moving visit to CA.



(Good drill to have CJ - have only experienced a little earthquake when I lived in SFO - the apartments we were in were built on landfill... so we kinda just moved and shook a little - nothing serious. Experienced a fair size quake in Greece tho - that was scary!!!! Hoping your world will remain paradise.)