Re: masturbation to porn
tinan333 wrote:I am trying to understand, nimh. I know what youre saying makes sense, as far as it being a need, but you see this problem goes a lot deeper. When we are together it takes EXTREMELY long for my husband to ...um... get gratification. Sometimes not at all. I invariably end up feeling like he is not enjoying the process at all, and that it is soley for my benefit, which again leads to me feeling like he's trying so hard and not getting very much out of it.The biggest turn on for any woman is knowing that she turns her husband/partner on. I think that his regular masturbation has made him almost immune or rather unresponsive to the "real thing" so to speak. This is what I meant when I said that he doesnt make ME feel like a woman... oh he goes through the motions and everything, but how would anyone feel if they couldnt satisfy their partner? I personally feel like a failure.
I have tried to talk to him about it, and no I didnt just say why are you doing this or I dont like the fact that youre doing this, I tried to understand why he felt the need to. Like I said before, all he said was that it was a way of letting off steam. My husband doesnt talk to me anymore... and why should he? he can get his release looking at naked women.
And also, how much is normal? my husband does it every day or every other day... we are intimate maybe 7 days out of the month... oh and we've only been married a year.
This is weird because now you just described one of my ex's.
tinan333 wrote:You know what you guys? Im hearing everything you are all saying and Im trying to understand and broaden my views and ways of thinking, but just right now, I had to clear up after him - the internet histories and caches and laundering clothes stained with lubricant and semen- and Im just disgusted. I dont want to have to understand. Im just pissed and fed up. I starting to feel like I dont even WANT to be intimate with him anymore.
I know that feeling all too well. I feel like I'm talking to myself because you taking a whole chapter right out of my own life. I truly feel for you and am so sad that you're going through this
tinan333 wrote:I am trying to think of a way that I can manage on my own right now.
I feel your pain girl and what you need to do now is clear your head and set up a plan for you and your children. You will be better off in the long run sweetie. Try not to panic. I know how hard it is to be alone with children, but it's much harder being alone with a man and children. Hang in there and you'll be ok.
I so dont think so right now... and more than anything else for the sake of my self respect I hope I have the guts to go through with it...Im sorry I cant type straight right now and if I make typos or spellingmistakes please forgive me... I cant even really seet he screen.
You may not see it now, but I was in your shoes and I found happiness throught it all. I know how you feel and it's an awful feel, but know that you don't have to continue to feel this way.
Thank you so much montana.... how did you deal with it>?
It wasn't easy. In my case, I lived with the man for over 5 years, so it did take time to recover. I should have gotten out of the relationship long before I did because nothing I said or did changed a thing and I wasted all those years trying. I began to recover when I finally left him, but that still took years since I had lost my pride, dignity, and self respect, but in time all those things came back stronger than ever. I finally realized that there was nothing wrong with me and the wrong was with him. At first I felt the panic and fear that you feel now, but believe me, that goes away and the way you eventually end up feeling about yourself is priceless. Before my last ex I spent 6 years with my sons father who was a very jealous man who was physically abusive, so I've been through the ringer to say the least. I've been without a relationship for over 5 years now by choice and in that time I found myself and realized how good of a person I really am. Sure, I get lonely sometimes, but not often enough for me to jump into another bad relationship. I hope to find the right man for me in time, but in the mean time, I'm happy as heck and my life is complete. I have my pride, dignity, and self respect which keeps me whole. It takes a lot of strength to move on, but in the long run you'll be glad you did.
Oh my goodness....that sounds just like me. I was in a physically abusive relationship previous to this too...
except that this time my husband told me that I probably asked for it...(just last night infact)
What your husband said to you last night is emotional abuse which is just as bad as physical abuse in my opinion.
yes.... it really hurt when he said that.... I couldnt believe he would take my confidences and use them against me in an argument like that.
I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
I have to say something about this. My wife has been chatting and emailing a lot of new people lately. I even suspect that she may have physically met these people. should I be concerned?
TALK TO HER!! ASK HER!
It's the only way to settle anything. Communication, a lost art
EileenM wrote:TALK TO HER!! ASK HER!
oh, I asked her ... now we have 'problems'
I feel my suspisions were correct ... but I 'know' nothing for sure... more communications required, don't you think?
Fer sure. Try to keep it nonjudgemental, though.
... too late. We've talking three days straight. She has met a couple of these guys. She said it was innocent, nothing happened . . . she was just meeting 'friends'
... I told her that if you don't tell me about, and in fact try to cover it by a poorly fabricated lie ... it's not just "meeting a friend".
<sigh>
Oooh. Lying about it ain't good.
As someone who is about to meet a bunch of A2Kers for the first time in a month or so, I can attest to the fact that meeting people you met online really can be innocent. But I can't quite imagine lying to my husband about who I was going to meet.
(In fact, he'll be there too.)
I know, it ain't pretty. As far as I've gotten out of her, by a lot of talk, late into the night ... she has met at least two guys. I asked her if she had met any women online ... she paused and said no.
So my deduction was she had met these men secretly, she was looking form some kind of relationship that she knew would upset me. Otherwise why wouldn't she tell me, introduce me ... etc.
it's all just sad . . . sad
It could still be a matter of really really bad judgement on her part in not telling you, but also nothing nefarious actually going on.
What does she have to say about it?
