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My husband doesn't want to get rid of his woman friend

 
 
Butterfly1
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Nov, 2015 09:23 pm
@sanderml,
I think he liked the attention and did not want to hurt her, they became friends. He may have seen her as a little sister as she was the sister of a friend. But not sure if she was looking for a friend or just someone who would give her attention , as it sounds like she was not getting enough attention from her exhibiting partner/boyfriend. If you have always trusted your husband don't let this stop you from trusting him as this could hurt your relationship, he has given her up for you and although I can't say if this is wrong or write he loves you enough to stop talking to her.
0 Replies
 
remforever
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Dec, 2015 07:35 pm
@sanderml,
Oh my God! You have to take control or else you'll lose everything.
0 Replies
 
Boca
 
  1  
Reply Tue 23 Feb, 2016 09:56 pm
When you are married and don't consider the other person in the relationship, there is something terribly wrong with the marriage. Why would anyone stay in a relationship with someone who does not think of them as the most important person in the world? If you are comfortable with that, continue in this mock marriage. If you love him, give him the benefit of the doubt and ask him to put himself in your position. If he loves you, he will understand. If he does not see your point, perhaps it is time for your door to become a revolving one. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Buy a fishing pole and enjoy.
0 Replies
 
KTona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Apr, 2016 11:39 pm
@sanderml,
I completely empathize with you & when you have a gut feeling about something, listen to it & fix it right! So, well done! I know where you stand because I'm experiencing the same thing right now. My husband's distant aunt's friend wants to keep in touch with my husband but she told them both that she doesn't like me. I stand behind & beside my man but going to see this chick without me, was intolerable. What's even more intolerable is that his distant aunt, my friend from 25 years, the one who introduced us, is giving my husband a ride to go see this chick. They both defend this bitch, who hated me from the first time she met me. I should add that none of these women are professional & successful like me. I just had it out with my husband & his aunt came to see me to rectify everything. There are lies amidst & I know there are because I've overheard conversations. I don't think my marriage is going to last as a result of my man having to go through his aunt to solve our argument. I thought he was much more mature than that. At least you were brave in telling your man how you felt & he was mature enough to end his relationship with that chick. I know first hand, how mine would react if the shoe were on the other foot.
0 Replies
 
outdoorsman329
 
  1  
Reply Thu 2 Jun, 2016 02:58 pm
@sanderml,
It sounds to me like either a power thing or she is setting him up to be used. Try and keep your Kool, because you have taken the first step in letting him know that you dislike her actions. I she a younger woman? because it seems as if an older woman would know better. If he allows this woman to disrespect your wishes than you will have to rethink this and have another sit down with him. I hope this helps.
0 Replies
 
Greywolf
 
  1  
Reply Fri 15 Jul, 2016 12:27 pm
@sanderml,
This is so ironic in life. I am willing to let go of everyone to be back to my wife, but she is not willing.
I guess if u give him a bit more attention, be it socially, mentally or sexually, it will surely help.

All the best.
0 Replies
 
youjustdontknow
 
  0  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2016 04:27 pm
@sanderml,
Wow! Don't take me up on it, but he would be an ex if it was me. It seems as if the friendship with her ( friend's sister) is more valuable that the marriage he has with you. He let her know in front of you that he wants the relationship with her but you are not having any of it...he then got angry at you. That simply means ( at least to me) that he would rather have gotten rid of you. The bottom line is, if he valued his marriage he would not give anyone a chance to damage it, period.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 Jul, 2016 04:30 pm
@youjustdontknow,
I think most wives would have said bye bye long ago.
The difficulty for most wives are many, beginning with no support system and opportunity to earn money.
0 Replies
 
Gina415
 
  0  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2016 07:11 pm
@sanderml,
Then let him have that friendship. I can't imagine a marriage where a spouse would ever feel comfortable with them becoming besties with someone of the opposite sex. He obviously enjoys her company and that looks like a recipe for an affair. Men are weak and not many men could resist another woman coming on to them. Just saying. I don't think you're wrong at all. My husband started a friendship with bus assistant at work and she fell for him and he ate it up. I found out before anything happened, but if I hadn't.....even he admitted it was heading somewhere.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 30 Aug, 2016 07:21 pm
@Gina415,
Gina415 wrote:
I can't imagine a marriage where a spouse would ever feel comfortable with them becoming besties with someone of the opposite sex.


yikes

Gina415 wrote:

. Men are weak and not many men could resist another woman coming on to them.


double yikes

With that set of attitudes it's pretty easy to foresee problems in a relationship you'd be in.

This kind of thinking was out of date in the 1960's.

I hope you're not in a position to teach children to think like this.

Absolutely frightening.
0 Replies
 
Averoes
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 6 Sep, 2016 01:07 am
I do not believe in friendship between man and woman. I believe only in a forced friendship derived from the partnership or business relationship. Otherwise, I have such a friendship is seen as replacement girl
Ephiculd1979
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 6 Sep, 2016 05:00 am
I don't find any fault with you because women are usually very possessive. But your husband could be innocent. Have you met that women friend? Since you have talked to your husband, it is high time that you talk to her. Tell her that you don't like this friendship in a polite way. Let us see what she has to say.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Tue 6 Sep, 2016 05:48 am
@Averoes,
Then you haven't met my male friends, who I would never cheat on my husband with. Not because they aren't attractive, fine people, but because I am loyal and I love my husband.

You also haven't met my husband's female friends, who are fine and attractive women. And he doesn't cheat on me because - spoiler alert - he is loyal and he loves me.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
0 Replies
 
katiepage
 
  0  
Reply Mon 12 Sep, 2016 10:17 pm
@sanderml,
You are right to be concerned, and you are lucky you have the opportunity to nip this in the bud, take it from someone in the midst of an emotional affair between my husband and another woman. I wish I had caught it sooner it is destroying my relationship with my husband, and the longer it goes on the more it takes root. In my case it started out as a 'friendship' between my husband and an 'understanding' but manipulative woman. Make sure that you are around a lot more, be visible do not give them the opportunity to spend time alone, treat him well and make a fuss of him if he feels unappreciated and misunderstood this can be the trigger for an affair. I know this sounds unfair, like a reward to bad behaviour, but it will lower the risk. Try to involve yourself more in his friend group it will make it more socially difficult for her to start something with him. You are right to move for him to cut contact, but by the sounds of things it needs to be communicated more clearly to her. If she can't add fuel to the fire then it will fizzle out, now is the time to put the effort in and be vigilant. You need to work to provide what she has been providing so that you are the person to meet these needs in future he is upset about losing the friendship because she is meeting some of his needs, find out what those are and you will be able to phase this out.
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2016 09:52 am
@katiepage,
Quote:
You need to work to provide what she has been providing so that you are the person to meet these needs in future he is upset about losing the friendship because she is meeting some of his needs, find out what those are and you will be able to phase this out.

The fundamental flaw in society's ideal of marriage is that one person can fill all the needs of another.

The only way this works is to cut off all the parts of oneself that cannot be satisfied by the other. Sadly, Lots of people do this.
0 Replies
 
zerodark420
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Sep, 2016 02:59 am
@sanderml,
You should get some counseling if you're that insecure about yourself. No man would be happy dealing with a woman such as yourself for long. I'm just going to assume that it's a two way street and no one you talk to has a penis, right? Oh but I'm sure "he's gay" so it's different.
0 Replies
 
Rknight
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 1 Feb, 2017 05:18 pm
@sanderml,
Hell No! You are not in the wrong. There has to be something going on with them. That is not an appropriate thing for either one of them to be doing. Also for him to get so upset about you demanding her to step back must mean that he felt that you made a direct threat to something he really really likes doing with her. Just saying
0 Replies
 
Southernsweetie17
 
  -1  
Reply Wed 12 Jul, 2017 08:31 am
@sanderml,
I think you did the right thing. He should be willing to (within reason) end a friendship if it makes you uncomfortable. This sounded like you had a legitimate reason.
0 Replies
 
poojachavan770
 
  1  
Reply Sun 6 Aug, 2017 02:57 pm
He may be innocent. Whats kind of text messages he is sending.
0 Replies
 
 

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