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My husband doesn't want to get rid of his woman friend

 
 
claudene
 
  2  
Wed 20 Mar, 2013 08:42 am
@sanderml,
Remember that his friends are your friends! It is wrong of her just to phone him? I mean Hello he's not single. Who does she think she is. A marriage should be respected! He's going to far with a friend, you are supposed to be his best friend as a soul partner ,not her! Married coupled don't have friends of the different sex, for exactly this reason -MARRAIGE. (Doesn't people know what it means?)
good luck
0 Replies
 
samy666
 
  1  
Tue 2 Apr, 2013 12:28 pm
@sanderml,
i think what u did was the right thing. please answer this i really need it http://able2know.org/topic/211727-1
0 Replies
 
mark25624
 
  1  
Wed 10 Apr, 2013 01:54 pm
@sanderml,
There are not that many men that can have a friendship with a woman.
That is because of the sex mentality we have.
But! I'm here to say that!
Yes a man can be friends with a woman!
BC women see things differently than men do.

And for me being friends with a woman is something very special!

Have her over for dinner and drinks?
Feel your way around her and really get to know her.
And watch how the two of them react and respond to each other.
Get to how the two of them hit it off so well?
And! You may have a new friend in the process!

Also! It could calm your fears and jealousies and insecurities as well!
Once in a while!
At a distance listen in w/o him knowing it.
But! Do not bring up what you heard at all!
Otherwise!
It starts all over again.
You are looking to have a reason not to be as such!!!

Think about this!
What if you had a guy friend!
That you are friends with!
And he did the same thing as you.
Men have bigger insecurities than women do!

Think about it!
0 Replies
 
Leonie Murka
 
  1  
Mon 19 Aug, 2013 02:28 pm
@sanderml,
there is more going than being friends so try to find number and tell her not to ring or tell your husbands friend to stop his sister from ringing
0 Replies
 
IvoryLatte
 
  1  
Sun 25 Aug, 2013 09:27 am
@sanderml,
I think you really need to have a talk with your husband and with yourself about your trust issues. It's not something to be ashamed of, I went through trust issues, too. And you want to know what? It ruined the best and truest friendship I had and will ever have in my entire life. Come to terms with the fact that you are being irrational, even if that means setting aside your pride. Your husband has every right to have a friend who is female, as you have every right to have a friend who is male. Usually this sort of thing happens when you have no self-confidence or personal identity to which you can retreat when the world seems unfair. Take some time for yourself, and explore your potential and desires. Go out and paint, or volunteer! Do something! Even if that means taking some time away from your husband, that would be the best remedy, I believe.
0 Replies
 
a7xLOVESnikki
 
  1  
Mon 2 Sep, 2013 07:56 pm
@sanderml,
You have EVERY RIGHT to ask him to not be friends with her. Her calling EVEN ONCE a day is TOO MUCH. He is in the WRONG for reacting like this. My husband does the same thing, only, I dont have friends anymore. He just knew I was cheating on him with all my friends, so I dont even have a friend thats a girl, but my husband has a facebook full of girl and guy (mostly girl) friends, but he can not let one of them go. It seems that you're husband does not acknowledge your feelings as much as his. Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT feel any guilt for what happened. Your husband was being EXTREMLY unfair to you, one AS A WIFE, and two, as another human being. I'm pretty sure if you had a guy friend, your husband would **** a brick.
0 Replies
 
juliejulieleelee
 
  1  
Sun 10 Nov, 2013 07:18 pm
@sanderml,
Ive been there too. Ive learned that you basically have to show them how they are making you feel by getting your own male friend and lletting them occupy your time. He will most certainly feel like how you felt. Yes, the women was wanting something from him and he liked the attention. But he needs to be strong on his own self. what would they talk about when bored?

When I was in this position I saw that the girl was wanting to take my boyfriends energy. Or rather she wanted my bf to devote his time/energy to her. Well you know what, he is your husband first and foremost and to be honest there is only so much energy one has. If he isnt going to invest his energy in you it is because he is enjoying the newness of this person. Lay low and getting your own temporary male friend to over indulge you would be best. not neccessarily on purpose but just as a result, considering you have so much free time when you husband doesnt pay attention to you.

This girl my bf would talk to would constantly ask him out to dinners late night near midnight and things that she would want to go do together. it sounds like ur woman isnt too far off from this. As well, my bf was mad when he had to "give" her up. But i got to the bottom of it when clearly, I saw how there was attraction and that is no honest friendship. He should be able to tell her proudly, hey. calling me at X time is not appropriate. She will only respect what you have it he makes her respect it. I share this with you because the girl my bf was friends with was always disrespectful to me because he did not establish boundaries. You should come from a place of understanding and ask what is so special about this person.

Apologize for taking control. whether you mean it or not just apologize, and talk to him about it. promise to listen, and ask him how he would feel if you had a male friend..

if all else fails. get you own damn male friend and trust me in sure time, that woman wont be as appealing.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Wed 4 Dec, 2013 01:52 pm
@sanderml,
You are right for sure. I've been married 20 years and that wouldn't fly. I don't know of any married men allowed to text " female friends" regularly. Good for you. You actually have self-esteem. Imagine if the shoe were on the other foot? That is not good for a marriage. He needs to grow up. That is not acceptable!
maxdancona
 
  1  
Wed 4 Dec, 2013 01:57 pm
@Germlat,
Quote:
I don't know of any married men allowed to text " female friends" regularly.


This is a funny statement. A wife is not a mother.

Once husbands and wives start telling each other to "grow up" the marriage is basically over. It is time to talk to a divorce lawyer.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Wed 4 Dec, 2013 02:23 pm
@FreeDuck,
Of course she's crossing the line...but- sometimes you need to. What he's doing is not cool.
0 Replies
 
toiletduck
 
  1  
Thu 5 Dec, 2013 06:30 am
@sanderml,
Disagreeing with most of the replies here. Yes, I think you were wrong. You can't possibly hope to be anything and everything to your partner. That's why we need friends, to complement the people we're with. This is only a problem for you because his friend happens to be a woman and you feel threatened. If you're relationship is solid, it is built on trust, and you should trust him. That said, he should also be sensitive to how he talks about her when talking to you, to avoid giving the impression that there's the potential for something more. But there's NO reason men and women can't be friends, even close friends, without it evolving into something else. Trust. Key.

I say this because I am living it. I have a good female friend (though the context is complex) who I will never do anything with. I love my wife, and my friend simply provides an outlet for other interests my wife couldn't care less about. I haven't always been Mr. Sensitive in talking about her, though, and I know that's caused some problems. But again, Trust. Key. It may not be her ideal situation, but my wife trusts me enough to "let" me maintain this friendship, because she knows it's important to me. I would say though that if he's talking to her more than he's talking to you, and he's telling her things he wouldn't want you to hear...well...the line between close friend and emotional affair is thin.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Thu 5 Dec, 2013 02:57 pm
@toiletduck,
Your post appears to be reasonable
and well thought out, but your chosen screen name is so repulsive,
so disgusting, that it says something about a sick mind that 'd generate it; most foul.

I 'm putting u on Ignore. Good bye. Gross.
toiletduck
 
  1  
Thu 5 Dec, 2013 09:06 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
It's a bathroom cleaning product!
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Thu 5 Dec, 2013 09:27 pm
@OmSigDAVID,
What is repulsive about toilet duck?
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Fri 6 Dec, 2013 01:58 pm
@VikitoSt,
Slippery slope. Maybe or maybe not. I have no male friends that don't come around my husband. Sexual tension is a funny thing,
0 Replies
 
babbits
 
  1  
Sat 4 Jan, 2014 03:58 pm
@sanderml,
He was enjoying the attention, and having some fantasies, that's all.
But it's probably a good thing you put a stop to it.
These casual things can become compulsions.
==========
Meanwhile, suggest some experiences you and your husband can share.
Whatever you used to enjoy.
Or something new: a camping trip in winter? (if your climate is okay.)
Work together on a project?
A weekend with old friends ?
Read a sex manual and try some new stuff?
Whatever you do, let him know without words that he is important to you.
0 Replies
 
Darlene1974
 
  1  
Sat 8 Feb, 2014 11:48 am
@sanderml,
If I take your point of view, you're right to require him to demand a stop to all the calls, especially since they're so trivial and conducive to constant contact. People usually feel at least a little something for a friend of the opposite sex. All my men friends, for example, are at least very interesting and successful if they're not good-looking. I refused to give up any of my friends, male or female. My husband, now divorced, was always after me about my men friends and ignored the female friends (who in fact were much closer). He also knew that I liked the attention of other men to which he agreed-- at least in the beginning. We had an understanding, I thought. Do you?

It's important to have a clear understanding with your husband. What is allowed and what is not. Be careful. Someday you yourself may want some attention from people and may not want your husband to interfere.

To say the obvious, "friends" are not always just "friends." Mine were always wanting to hear some bad gossip. Mine were not friends to my husband though they were mostly friendly and amiable to him. They were MY friends, and naturally my husband could sense this... In three or four cases, my "friends" were former boyfriends . . .



0 Replies
 
TheMomoKitsune
 
  1  
Mon 24 Feb, 2014 04:32 am
@sanderml,
I think you should try and sit down with your husband and talk it out.

Explain to him that women can often be manipulative people and that you know this because as a woman you have dealt with it all your life! Explain that you want to be the one who talks/texts/befriends him and that this other girl probably knows exactly what she is doing, because women are NOT socially stupid!
There is always a deeper meaning with women, and men usually cannot see this.
Say the reason why this is so terrible for you is that you know that this is about one woman getting one over on another, and that YOU are his wife. You shouldn't have to contend with women 'one upping' you because he should ALWAYS make sure he has got your back, just like you would do for him if a man was trying to get one over on him in your life.

sometimes the social differences between men and women need to be explained in relationships as we do work very differently and women can be very sneaky and cruel, unlike men who can often just batter each other xD xD (haha) but you know what i mean... Smile

I wish you luck honey. Just be very honest and show how much you really do care, because you obviously do.
And jealously is there for a reason. Our animal brains have jealously when we are threatened, it is not a stupid thing.
xxxx
0 Replies
 
relationshippro
 
  0  
Fri 28 Feb, 2014 06:39 am
@sanderml,
She needs to go on about herself and stay away from your marriage.
This woman dresses provocatively and let's your husband know that she has no panties on and is far to out of line here.
Quit giving her any attention and have excuses when she wants to show up at your home.
This is about your marriage and you guys need to find better couples to hang out with.
0 Replies
 
Darlene1974
 
  1  
Fri 28 Feb, 2014 01:31 pm
@sanderml,
Yes, wives should be the best friends of their husbands and vice versa. This business "being friends" is baloney if it is about boredom, intimate conversations, conversations about sex, about personal things, etc. I held my husband at arm's length forever this way, by making him think he was jealous and intrusive and asking too much. I enjoyed controlling him and pushing him around with mention "of my friendships." I could do anything I damned well pleased. Stick up for yourself and your feelings. They're yours. He should please you. (Although I didn't please my husband; I'm quite a hypocrite.)
0 Replies
 
 

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