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My husband doesn't want to get rid of his woman friend

 
 
dumbwife
 
  1  
Thu 16 Sep, 2010 06:26 am
@sanderml,
If you love your husband, allow him to have friends and personal space. Marriage is not to imprision your husband. He would break free.
georgewenger
 
  1  
Sun 26 Sep, 2010 11:27 pm
@sanderml,
I would say he should really be fair with you and tell what it's all about, even though you already talked about it. When a woman calls him, even if it's the best friend and feels bored, then I would as well think that she is more looking at him as a very close friend. And she should be aware that this behaviour could lead to coflicts with you.
You acted appropriately. You didn't get mad at first, only after realizing that it's a common behaviour from her side to call him whenever she feels like. Having a female friend is nothing threatening, but I think this situation crosses the borders. You did everything correctly. I hope you can work things out with your man.
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Kim hayes
 
  1  
Thu 25 Aug, 2011 03:35 pm
@nimh,
My husband sees the female of a couple we both know on our boat in the morning. She world nearby and spends fifty minutes with him drinking coffee. Sometimes I am present but I hate the way she likes my husband. I have asked he not see her like this but he tells me I spoil everything......
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PUNKEY
 
  2  
Thu 25 Aug, 2011 07:13 pm
Do YOU have any male friends that you sit and talk with 50 minutes over coffee?

Probably not.

So your husband has a friend, so what?


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lynnbar
 
  1  
Fri 4 Nov, 2011 12:43 pm
I feel for you. My husband thinks he be friends with all the women he knows and doesn't see when the other women flirt with him. The more it happens, the more I get concerned. There have been several issues that cause me to believe he isn't happy with our marriage. Recently found texts after he got back from business trip to and from another woman. The texts were personal information and he commented on her, saying she was beautiful and sexy. Then I found out on that trip and group went out drinking and partying. After getting back, a second woman starting texting him personal things about his family life. When I questioned him about these things, he wasn't honest to begin then with...then said he was just curious and nothing happend. Another time he was away on business fro three months and I went to visit him. I found condoms in the side table at the motel and he said they weren't his. Another time, I found condoms in his truck and he said they weren't his. He also texts a lot with a distant step cousin (female), that he hasn't seen in 15 years till about 3 years ago. She talks to him about her job, boyfriend advice, and just crap in general. He brags about how well she is doing and how much money she makes. I have seen some of the texts, he doesn't tell me about them usually.
I just don't know if I'm too jealous or I'm seeing things wrong.. Please give me an unbiased opinion.
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OmSigDAVID
 
  2  
Fri 4 Nov, 2011 02:15 pm

Married people r within their rights
to have platonic friends of either gender.





David
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trulylost
 
  1  
Wed 14 Dec, 2011 05:27 am
@sanderml,
First of all we married men are allowed (or in your case should be allowed) to have female friends and it doesn't always lead to adultery.
second, guys don't like their women to control them regardless if they're right or wrong, irrationally pushing your husband to end his friendship will more likely push him further into it. You may try to indicate her actions and the consequences they currently have and might develop towards your relationship in a rational low tone and an open discussion and hope he understands. Usually we realize you were right after a red line is crossed (and I don't mean them having sex, I mean for example her clearly indicating she wants intimacy and your husband having a choice of whether to do it or not). If you trust him enough then let him have a friend, although I wouldn't trust his friend, the way you described her makes her feel like a tart (but that's just your side of the story).
MajorHart
 
  1  
Thu 22 Dec, 2011 12:05 pm
@tinygiraffe,
I've been happily married (or with my present wife) for 36 years. Several times during that time - I had lunch with other women and I never even thought it was cheating and neither did my wife. She trusted me when I said nothing is going to happen and frankly the other women did not appeal to me sexually - they were friends. They might have had other ideas but it take two to tango and I wasn't playing. We kept going to lunch for several years and there never as a problem.

My wife also doesn't fool around and if she chose to have lunch with a guy - I would trust her.

And sometimes you just have to take your chances - you can't lock the mate up in the closet. If you treat them good - they should stay home and if not - you're free to look for someone else.

MajorHart
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MajorHart
 
  1  
Thu 22 Dec, 2011 12:17 pm
@Sglass,
That is nonsense. There are a lot of non sexual levels. I'm a country / classic rock musician and I've worked with women alone too and we were professional - interested in making good music. I've worked with women in MLM and a dozen other job related situations. One of the young women I met was an apartment complex manager and I was a leasing agent and we went to dinner a number of times just to get away from the job. Sometimes her brother went along and sometimes - renters at the complex.

Maybe Sglass sees in others what he sees in himself - or herself if it applies.

MajorHart
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MajorHart
 
  1  
Thu 22 Dec, 2011 12:21 pm
@trulylost,
I fully agree
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markhuy
 
  1  
Fri 23 Dec, 2011 03:41 am
@sanderml,
I can't say if they really are just friends. Maybe your man treats her as a friend, but man! HE'S A MAN, A MAN LOVES TO CLING TO ANY GIRL, THEY ARE REALLY VULNERABLE TO GIRLS. But I do hope that your husband is not.
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Seaumas
 
  1  
Mon 16 Jan, 2012 05:29 am
@sanderml,
Ever heard of the "Her or Me" gambit? This woman was after your man and might still be. I bet he got a kick out of the illicit little long distance affair and didn't want to stop the fun.Water under the bridge now, I hope. I'd have a little talk with him about your relationship and what it means to him as well as you. You might not get the answer you want. But don't let him do the "Aw Baby" this and "Awe Baby" that and all this justifying and explainifying and "It weren't like that, Baby. You knooow I only loves only You." He's burnt his last back-up bridge. Be stern, but forgiving. Be steady. If his behavior changes and he straightens up and flies right, then you have back your man. If he doesn't maybe he find his duds strewn out on the driveway and all the doors locked with your people in there with you. (And I wouldn't suggest any of them be carrying or what). I'm in your corner.
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MrsVISHOUS2012
 
  0  
Mon 20 Feb, 2012 09:24 am
@sanderml,
What a bastard, no i think you did the right thing...but for you to have to sit there and him ring her like you were his parent 0_0 and he didn't even consider you're feelings after you already told him how you felt...IF HE WANTS TO HAVE A WOMAN FRIEND YOU GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF A MALE FRIEND! ONE THAT ISN'T GAY2!!! Smile Or you can talk to that other woman...omfg i thought all females know not to cross the line when it came to male friends that are married, i smell a slut.
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MichelleAntonio
 
  1  
Fri 1 Jun, 2012 12:37 pm
@sanderml,
Well, to be honest, it sounds like she is trying to interfere intentionally. She knows you are uncomfortable with them talking,yet she continues talking to him anyway? If I was talking to a man who told me his wife had issues with me talking to him, I would back off. I wouldn't want to make any wife feel uncomfortable.
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legalbillingsoftware
 
  1  
Mon 4 Jun, 2012 02:58 am
try to be his best friend.
i wonder why that girl keeps on calling him despite the fact that he already has a wife. tsk..
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roseH01244
 
  0  
Fri 3 Aug, 2012 04:03 am
@sanderml,
You , firstly , talk with your husband about this, and try to convince him, other wise talk to that woman, arguments is better option.
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Sophie88
 
  1  
Sun 27 Jan, 2013 05:37 pm
@FreeDuck,
I think what he has been doing is somewhat disrespectful. I would start by asking him if he'd like you to do the same. And, if so, well, you are welcome to do so...
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Binary175
 
  3  
Sun 27 Jan, 2013 09:29 pm
Get a male friend, call each other often and see how he likes it.
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VikitoSt
 
  1  
Mon 4 Feb, 2013 09:13 am
@shewolfnm,
Yeaah, that's what I though. If she is really just a friend, do you go out with him and her and may be other friends? If this friendship is so innocent he should have no trouble introducing her to you and make her part of the company of friends you go out with. Think do you know his other friends and do you go out with them? If the answer is yes, then why he doesn't introduce you to her? Why don't you try to stay calm and ask him to invite her and other friends to dinner or something. There is one other point...what if she complains to him about her marriage and he complains to her about yours? That doesn't mean he doesn't like you any more and he likes her better than you. There are people that are never happy enough. They need to complain to someone who "understands them". May be she is just that someone. Nothing more. This is one of the cases that he wouldn't wanna introduce you to her.
MP4LIFE
 
  1  
Fri 1 Mar, 2013 08:40 pm
@sanderml,
It's understandable to feel this way for both parties. I have had female friends my wife didn't like and vise verse. The thing is that people just aren't 100% compatible, sometimes we have more fun talking about things with other people. Is it something to be worried about? Yes, but only if there is a possibility that he could be unfaithful. If you feel that he's closer to her than you, then sit down and talk to him. Try and be non-judgmental, which is very difficult sometimes.

If your uncomfortable with their relationship, ask to see his phone and check messages and call logs. You can ask in front of him and if he hands the phone over, look at call logs and txt messages, if you feel something is said that is weird, ask him.

In the end, just don't let jealousy or be over reactive about his friendship. Try and just see it for what it is (unless it is something to worry about). But when you have your sit down, talk to him. Express how you feel and why you feel that way. Make sure to figure out why it makes you uncomfortable, if you go to him and he asks why you feel that way and you just respond with, "I don't know?" or "Because!" then he'll just get mad and frustrated. Take the time and find out if the friendship is more like a relationship and make sure when you talk to him, that you know how to answer his questions too.

We have friends for a reason, people like different conversations, different views on politics, law, etc. It could just been she's fun to him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you still, could just be that something you two don't agree on, but they do.

That's my two cents worth, I really hope it helps, but most important is to stay calm and don't let anger, frustration or anything else negative affect your conversation on the matter.
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