Is there a spreading infection on A2K which turns simple 'help me' threads into arguements??!
Right, I think over-reacting is going to get you no-where. Remember that your partner is NOT necessarily cheating on you. It might be a simple case of liking this girl as a casual friend, and SHE'S getting clingy because SHE wants him.
You need to reassure your man you want him and make sure he reassures you too. If you start getting angry and jealous it's going to make your husband feel pressurized and bitter about YOU and it'll make him all the more eager to escape the relationship. Even if he didn't have a romantic interest in this girl at the beginning, guaranteed if you start pressurizing him about her, he'll want to get away from you and she's his closest escape.
That's going to hurt you even more, so don't go there.
My boyfriend has a certain girl he met at a couple of parties, who he started to get a bit too flirty with... I started to get jealous and very upset because I thought he wanted her more than me. I made certain comments (although they were very held-back) and he invited her to a camping party when he'd told me he didn't really want to see me. We argued, didn't speak for a few days.
When we got back together, were having a relaxing bath together and just chatting, I told him that I was upset about that particular incident and asked him why he invited her. He answered with "She was the only person I could think to invite" and he said he couldn't remember telling me he didn't want to see me. (He never remembers things more than 48 hours beforehand
He could tell I was genuinely upset, I didn't get angry at him, I just told him it felt like he didn't want me anymore and asked him if he thought she was attractive. He said "Yes." Just from him saying that it reassured me. He had been truthful instead of saying "I dunno...maybe" or something. Next time we saw her he made an effort to be all kissy and cuddly, holding my hand etc, even when she was talking to him. He's become much more supportive, bringing me flowers etc since that conversation, and a certain follow-up one later (not relating to the girl)..
Have you tried approaching the situation from another angle? Don't mention her as the main topic, mention how you're feeling, what you're lacking and how his relationship with her makes you feel. Don't force him to give up a friend, just tell him how you feel and that you'd prefer if he'd tone it down a bit. Maybe spend a week out of contact with her, and have a special week; the both of you doing romantic things, planning to go out etc.
Ask him to please send a text in this week if she keeps pestering, to say he's spending some much needed time with you. (Don't force him remember. If he knows you care more than he does about the situation, he'll use it against you.) The most reassuring thing for you, is for him to reinforce his feelings about the relationship by 'discussing' how much he loves you with this girl. If he can tell her (not outright, that would be weird, but in a casual conversation. Like "Oh, I can't meet up, I'm having a cosy night in with my wife") that he loves you and is spending time with you and wants to be with you forever (for example) then it's very unlikely he wants a relationship with her.