@trying2learn,
t2l.
Seriously, what is your husband to you? He is family, actually he is your soul is he not? That person you can be with, share, love, hug... As is your dog.
You have to let go of death. We all die. I suspect I will die before David, I smoke he doesn't. But unless you have love in your heart and shirt you have so much, it's there to give.
Instead of "I'm sorry" feeling sorry for yourself of your loses and off course there are many and in such a short time... STOP and stop feeling sorry for yourself, what would your sister, your mother, your father, have wanted? They loved. YOU. So go find a foster home, something, anything, like people do when their heart breaks and GIVE your time, your love to those who like you feel empty unloved and more importantly NEVER had a sister, a father, a mother and never had love.
You were lucky you experienced it. Now it's time to give instead of hiding in some bubble... You believe that you are being watched, well see the smiles on their faces that you have turned their tragedies into something FOR THEM. And, you.