Communicating difficult news to family

Ok I made the call. And my mom answered. I was so caught off guard. I didn't use your exact wording because I didn't expect an answer - they can view who is calling and I thought they would never answer.

Any way, I asked the question - did they still want to take care of her during Tuesdays and Thursdays. Mom: of course. Don't be mad at me because of how your father acted. Me: I am trying not to be mad at anyone. Mom: You're taking my babies away from me. Me: I'm not - I'm trying to arrange it so that will not happen. Would you prefer that I don't have a job and cannot support my children? Mom: Cries - I don't want to talk about it. Me: The only thing I ask is that you do not make the children feel bad about moving to Texas. I don't want it to be any more difficult on them. Silence. Me: Is that fair or at least at fair as it can be. Mom: O-k.

You're a good mom, Linkat.

congratulations! that sounds like quite a breakthrough. seems that she understands quite rationally even if she doesn't admit it. making progress! great. crying is good.

Good for you! I truly hope they start to feel okay about the move. Boy, if they're like this now, what will they be like when they're 80 and querulous?

I am so much more like my own grandmother than my parents. She has such spirit - she told me when she was a kid, she once went and told a teacher off that once spanked her brother.

She divorced my grandfather (he was mentally abusive) once her kids were grown - she moved to Philadelphia and made lots of friends. Even as a senior she had several boyfriends - some that offered to marry her. Up until the past year or so she was always very independent.

I sometimes wonder how my mom could be her daughter? Maybe these sorts of things skip generations.

Been following along and haven't had any advice to give. I just wanted to say you are handling this really well, Linkat. I think that it's good that you have so long between now and the actual move because that will give your parents more time to adjust to their lack of control over you. And to some extent I think that's what this is about. I think that the closer you get to the actual move the more receptive your parents will start to be about coming for a visit and possibly even moving with you.

As to skipping generations, I often think that myself about my own mother and grandmother. The difference is astounding, especially with regard to independence and a sense of adventure.

Sounds like your mom may have been influenced by that mentally abusive father... that goes back to what squinney said about breaking the chain.

You're handling this really well, keep it up.

Thank you all - it isn't easy, but it helps having such great kids that I love so much and an extremely supportive husband. And of course some friends here that help me vent so when I actually talk I can as even keeled as possible.

You are handling this very well.
Those parents of yours are extremely trying, unreasonable and controlling!

I have no advice.... except some people can't be figured out. They only hear what they want.
For some, logic is their own twisted make-believe.

And, keep an eye on the kids. I don't trust your parents to be sensible in keeping their emotions and bitterness under check with the youngn's....

Keep venting!

Woof, what a week you've had.

Thanks - the good news - today is my 10th annivesary. And tomorrow we are both taking the day off and spending it with the kids! Tomorrow night we are dropping them off at their uncles - they can't wait and we are going out on the town. I have Monday off so it will be an extra nice long weekend!

Happy Anniversary!

Have a wonderful weekend!

I think your last sentence holds a lot of truth. My daughter is not really like me at all. She's very traditional and conventional and cling-y on many levels yet independent in others and I used to wonder where she came from

Linkat--

I think Soz has your parents' position pegged.

They figure you owe them--Big Time. Unfortunately all they see is the three-generation family relationship, not your career, not your husband's career.

I'd guess that your father descended to buffoonish behavior because he didn't know what else to do and he didn't want to be left out of the conversation.

At least you're all talking. Long range this is a good thing. Short range...being your own grandpa is being easier than being your parents' mommie.

Hold your dominion.

Happy Anniversary, Linkat. Enjoy your night out on the town!

Oops, a little late. Hope you had a great anniversary!

Any improvement, Linkat? (Hope so!)

I guess some. I haven't had much contact since school started and work up until this week has been very busy.

Although a couple of weeks ago it was my mom's birthday. We decided to surprise her and go visit (me and the girls) - we got her a gift certificate and the girls picked out some roses for her. They usually go visit my grandmom right after lunch so we went a couple of hours after that. Unfortunately they were not around. We stayed for an hour and they still hadn't showed up - so we left the gifts and a note.

I called later and she seemed her old self - very thankful for the gifts and so forth.

Since I've been working late, when my parents dropped my youngest off, my husband has been there, but not me. Once he told my mom about my daughter's soccer games as they like to go. She did not say one word in response, but since she has spoken to him at least a little.

This Saturday is my niece's birthday party so we will see how all that goes. I plan on giving out invitations to my daughter's birthday - we plan to have just a small family party.

Hmph.

I guess that is progress though -- thanking you for the gifts, etc.

Hope your niece's b'day goes well...

Linkat--

Fingers crossed that they are accepting the inevitable rather than temporarily ignoring the inevitable.

I think you've been very sensible in refusing to rant and rave and carry on. This situation isn't easy.