Communicating difficult news to family

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but, before you read on, please sit down. I repeat, please, YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN.

All right now; this is not easy to write about. I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture, and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival, are pretty well healed now. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump, were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm.

Now about this attendant, he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him and his three buddies. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute.

He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show. Yes, Mom and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents. I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.

The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests, and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am having daily. I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and, although not well educated, he is ambitious.

Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is different than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good, too, for I am told that his father is an important weapons dealer in the village in Africa from which he came.

After college, and until he finds some decent job, we'll be using my old bedroom. We aren't asking for a large wedding; in fact, maybe just something for the immediate family in front of some judge. Maybe just you, dad, grandma and grandpa, and whatever family he has that can get steerage from Africa. Don't worry about them; they will be happy just to stay in our basement.

Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant and I am not engaged. I do not have syphilis and there is no man (of any color) in my life ... nobody is coming from Africa.

However, I got a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science, and I just wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.

Your Loving Daughter

This is a good news bad news sort of situation. Some may have read that I have been considering moving with my job to Texas. Well we checked out just about anything we could on the deal and it does seem to be an all around smart move. The only thing holding me back is my family.

I need to tell my parents. One time several years ago my husband mentioned wanting to move back out west where is from - he mentioned it to my mom and she started to cry a bit. I am very close to my family and hate absolutely hate the idea of hurting them. My parents have done so much for us - taking care of kids and just being a great support.

I would suggest they move too, but I know because of other family members and especially my grandmom - they can't leave. I was going to offer that they stay with us during the winter and/or come and stay with us several times a year for a month or more - we would be able to buy a place that would have a couple of extra bedrooms with an extra bath.

I plan on telling them on Saturday. Any suggestions how to go about this? How do I cause them the least amount of pain and be considerate of their feelings and still show them how much I appreciate them and how important they are to us? To be honest, I will not be able to move without my family's support of it - they do not have to be 100% happy about it, but in a sense I want their blessing.

How much does your family about the process you've been going through? Have you been keeping them informed of the changes at work and the opportunity you were given to stay with the company?

Just give them cash.

of no help at all.. but are you moving to austin by chance?

I sympathize, Linkat.

It really sounds like you just have to build on what you've already said. Do you know anyone who can watch the kids during this meeting? It's likely to be quite emotional, and maybe something to do without the kids -- but you'd probably want to include your husband.

Once you show up without the kids they'll probably already know what it's about -- you probably won't even need to make an announcement. Then you can react to whatever your mom throws your way, give background, cry, hug, commiserate, explain your reasoning, and throw in that thing about visiting and having someplace for them to stay fairly early on. Go heavy on all the thankfulness stuff you're talking about here.

Good luck...

Make sure you are getting same Boston salary $$$ when you move to Texas. It will go further ....