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What is a humane way to kill a cat?

 
 
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:29 pm
My cat is nearing the end of her days and the vet has advised me to put her down. He told me the cost of the euthanasia and I recoiled, holding my chest as I fell backward.

"Let me think about this, Doc", I said as I made a quick exit from his office.

All the way home I thought about my suffering cat and also about the cost of the vet bill, which I considered exorbitant. As I pulled into my driveway and saw my cat peering out my window and excitedly wagging her tail at my approach I knew what I had to do. I had to kill her myself.

But how?

I walked into the house and loaded my shotgun. She was at her watering bowl, innocently lapping a drink of cool water, and I place the barrel at the back of her head and begin to squeeze the trigger. But... I thought of the mess and glanced at my paper towel dispenser and noticed an inadequate supply of towels to clean up after such an event.

I placed the shotgun back in the closet and began to muse about other methods. Hanging? Yes, I figured I would try that. I made a noose out of an old shoelace and tied the apparatus to the back of a ladder chair. I picked up the cat, placed her head in the noose, and let her drop.

I had miscalculated the length of the lace and the cat landed on all fours on the floor, looked around in a confused manner, and took off running until the lace tightened and snapped her back toward the chair. I untied the rope and considered poisoning. I placed some anti freeze in her water dish and waited. Four hours passed and she approached the dish on multiple occasions, but never took so much of a sip. I think she suspected foul play.

At this point I was exasperated and out of options.

That is where you come in, my A2K friends.

How do you kill a cat?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 37 • Views: 75,699 • Replies: 252

 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:31 pm
S N A R L >>>>>>>>>>>>
0 Replies
 
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:32 pm
If yer serious, you can get the injection from a caring vet or in the know friend....

RH
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  3  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:34 pm
Make her watch President Bush's recent State of the Union Address. Afterwards she will commit suicide.




(He better be kidding Rock}
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:36 pm
Green Witch wrote:
Make her watch President Bush's recent State of the Union Address. Afterwards she will commit suicide.




(He better be kidding Rock}


Actually, she did watch his speech, and that is why she began her descent toward the cat reaper.

But she would never commit suicide. She is not that kind of cat.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:38 pm
Why aren't you and the cat watching the football game like the rest of America?
0 Replies
 
Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:39 pm
Gus, I'm going to have to break up with you.
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:39 pm
Chai wrote:
Gus, I'm going to have to break up with you.


Don't - you'll make him cry.
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:40 pm
1. Place cat in plastic rubbish bin
2. seal lid with duct tape
3. cut 3/4 inch hole in lid
3. duct tape 6 ft of 3/4 inch flexible pipe to lid
4. duct tape other end of pipe to truck exahust
5. Gentlemen start you engine.


Toad Busters use CO2 gas to uthenase cane toads. CO2 is approved by animal welfare groups as a humane means of killing unwanted animals.
0 Replies
 
dadpad
 
  1  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:44 pm
dadpad wrote:
1. Place cat in plastic rubbish bin
2. seal lid with duct tape
3. cut 3/4 inch hole in lid
3. duct tape 6 ft of 3/4 inch flexible pipe to lid
4. duct tape other end of pipe to truck exahust
5. Gentlemen start you engine.


Toad Busters use CO2 gas to uthenase cane toads. CO2 is approved by animal welfare groups as a humane means of killing unwanted animals.


PS you may need to do this several times depending on how many lives the cat has left.
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Sun 3 Feb, 2008 07:52 pm
The more relevant question is, of course, how is the cat going to kill you and, will it consider what is "humane".

Cats are willful and disobedient.

They feed the dog milkbones and make you think you have an intruder, or a ghost, or that you're having a fever dream.

A pitchfork is no match for a cat.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 04:58 am
Try curiosity, Gus. I hear it works.
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  2  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 10:03 am
The vet thing is not only expensive but one of my cats stole my cellphone, called the vet and cancelled the appointment!
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 10:14 am
Re: What is a humane way to kill a cat?
It didn't take long to figure out he's lying.

gustavratzenhofer wrote:
As I pulled into my driveway and saw my cat peering out my window and excitedly wagging her tail at my approach I knew what I had to do.


Obviously he's never spent any time with a cat. Dog person all the way. (Cats do NOT wag their tails excitedly! They will occasionally swish them if they're very, very irritated.)
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 10:37 am
Put the cat in the carrier you use to take it to the vet then throw it in a barrel of water.
0 Replies
 
Slappy Doo Hoo
 
  0  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 11:21 am
Toss it off a bridge over an interstate.

Death by sodomy, via signature David Ortiz authentic wooden baseball bat.

Gasoline & matches.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 11:27 am
ODing on cat nip
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 11:28 am
Put the cat in a laundry bag and slam it repeatedly against a wall. Any wall will do. After about five minutes of this, you should be all set. Then you can take the bag and toss it into the nearest ravine.

You're welcome.
Gargamel
 
  3  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 12:36 pm
Place your cat in a full bathtub. Find a wall outlet nearby. Plug in your toaster.

You get the idea: make delicious toast while drowning your cat with your bare hands.
0 Replies
 
cjhsa
 
  1  
Reply Mon 4 Feb, 2008 04:57 pm
kickycan wrote:
Put the cat in a laundry bag and slam it repeatedly against a wall. Any wall will do. After about five minutes of this, you should be all set. Then you can take the bag and toss it into the nearest ravine.

You're welcome.


I think that's how the chinese tenderize and easily remove the essential ingredient from the bone for the ever popular lemon grass kitten.
0 Replies
 
 

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