Men and Vasectomies

but true...

who was that feminist who wrote something about that if men had babies, abortions would be a religious ritual?

If it wasn't in Gloria Steinem's "If Men Could Menstruate" essay, sounds like it was inspired by it:

http://www.mum.org/ifmencou.htm

here we go

Gloria Steinem "If men babies, abortion would be a sacrament in the Roman Catholic Church"

oh yeah, good one soz

Gloria has such good delivery...

Good thread. Maybe I should be scared or maybe I should think myself lucky that my girlfriend has already asked me...what my reaction would be in a few years time...it certainly took the pressure off the decision!

Hi everyone,

Thanx so much for your erudite thoughts & advice I really appreciate it as this area is totally new to me. I hadn't thought of the menopause thing (thanx jespah) or tubal ligation - which seems like a pretty common and not so radical surgery as a hysterectomy.

I suspected vasectomies were reversible and now I'm more sure than ever that they are. Are tubal ligations also reversible does anyone know? Great advice re the condoms everyone - thanx

A bit more background info to our situation - my husb & I have been married for 15 months (even tho we've known each other for a few years). When (in the context of the vasect conversation) I asked him if he'd be willing to try condoms he said "if you'd like" ... so, he does seem open to that (I hope). I've been relying on implants for contraception since I've known him. Each implant (in my arm) lasts for 3 yrs. The implant seems to have gone haywire in the last wk and now I'm unsure if it's giving us the protection we need. IMy body is just behaving oddly LOL So ... I want coverage while I can at least work out what's going on.


Here's what I'm thinking -


- I suggest to my husband that, as I've been taking care of contraception for the last 15 months, that perhaps we could share the load, split it 50/50. That now he could think about taking it over for the next 15 months ...

- If he agrees (I'm confident that he will) that I ask him to buy condoms himself. That way, he is actively taking part. If I were to give them to him, he'd probably feel like I was bossing him about ...

This would not only give us contraceptive coverage for 15 months, but also would give us time to think about what the next step should be after that 15 month period. Do we choose a vasectomy for him or a TL for me? Or hell - do we do both? (one op each - oh how sharing!)

soz - my concern is that I don't want him to feel I am pushing him into a corner. This concerns me a lot. He has a big thing about "control" - that is, of me controlling him, manipulating him etc. His mother has apparently been "at him" (his words) for years to have a vasectomy - and it concerns me that what he's hearing (when I ask him) is HER asking him - not ME asking him to merely consider it. Not to necessarily rush out tomorrow & have the snip done immediately but to CONSIDER it. This is my motivation for wondering if we should each get something done.

Stuh, I see where you're coming from too - however, if my husb said to me "honey, would you consider having your tubes tied/having a hysterectomy" ... I'd say "Sure, I'll consider it." It doesn't mean I'm definitely going to go ahead with either procedure, but at least I'm willing to consider it, to think about it. As Chai says, women have withstood years of poking & prodding & pills & chemicals and I think my body is just getting fed up with it.

Either op (the snip, the tubes) is a big deal in my book - so what if we BOTH had it done after the 15 months is up? If he had it done and I also had it done, he would be less likely to resent me for feeling as tho I "made him do it", etc. I'd be prepared to have my tubes tied - but only if he has the snip. That way, we have both altered our bodies. Not just him - and not just me.

Ultimately, neither of us wants to be faced with a decision of what to do if presented with an unplanned pregnancy. I'm up for sharing the responsibility of prevention.

Thanx again for reading this great big ramble!! I really value your great feedback everyone

Best,
Jazzie

PS: Hey Bohne - you so made me laugh - I was desperate to shout at him but I didn't LOL! I had to walk away tho, I was so taken aback by his reaction, but my question to him came so far out of left field that he probably thought I was joking. hmmm.

Hey JPB

Thanx for this. This is probably way too much info (and I apologize to readers if this is the case!) but I know I'm not pregnant as the implants inhibit menstruation. (monthly mensruation of course being evidence that one isn't pregnant)

So for the last 4 1/2 yrs, I've been taken a pregnancy test every few months in the absence of mensruation. Suddenly, I'm experiencing the opposite for the first time in all that time -- which makes me wonder if the implant has run out of juice. They last for 3 yrs - I'm on my 2nd one & have 10 months left before it runs out (I had it changed after only 2 years to be as sure as I could of its efficacy).

It's all rather curious.
Jazzo

The Aristocrats!

On the diff between vasectomy and tubal ligation, one is, as you know, abdominal surgery, though it looks like some kinds of tubal ligation are less hairy than others.... as Chai said, there are some possible (whatever the stats) tough consequences.

Here's Wikipedia on the general scenario of and reversibility -
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tubal_ligation

Hi all,

Thanx to everyone who sent ideas etc on what to do re the contraception prob I was trying to figure out some months ago.

This post is an update for those of you who remember my dilemma (being should I ask my husb to use condoms as my contra. implant seems not to be working).

We solved it by just not having sex.

Yep. We've been married for less than 2 yrs and we haven't had sex for about 3 months now. I asked my husb twice if he'd consider using condoms and he said he would if I wanted him to. But he didn't. I'm too nervous to do the business without protection in case I fall pregnant. So we just don't do it. At all.

It is a highly un-ideal situation. Do you think it would be too confrontational if I just bought a packet of condoms and gave them to him?

Also, the implant is going to cost us over $1,000. It's a ridiculous price to pay but the insurance won't cover it, even tho it's FDA approved. So, we need a bit of time to get the money together.

I suggested to my husb that I would use a contra ring insert thingie in the interim while we're getting the money together for the implant, but he said no. He said it would be a waste of money to get the ring. eh?

I am very confused about what he actually wants. I think he just wants risk free sex, sans condoms, with me bearing the responsibility of contraception. A responsibility I am, frankly, sick of.

I'd really appreciate anyone's thoughts on this, esp from a man's point of view, because I am walking around in the dark on this. I worry that he's going to look elsewhere for sex as he's not getting it at home - but in order to actually get it at home, all he has to do is wear a condom - and he hasn't bought any. I mean, really - is that such a hard thing to do? (no pun intended) Do I have to be his mummy and buy him some condoms?

This sitch is very frustrating and his inability to do anything about it is baffling and annoying.

Thank you so much for reading my ramble.

- jazz

This topic brought the linked artical to mind.

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/10/26/1067103267041.html

To me, that doesn't sound so "solved" as much as it does "avoided". Not exactly a perfect solution there. Yeash!

I don'[t know what to tell you jazzie. There's a mental block there on his part. I haven't read enough of your posts and don't know you well enough to even guess why that might be.

By chance, do the two of you use the same GP for a family doctor? I so, you might mention the issue when you go in and let the doc raise the issue with him on his next visit. Maybe he'd respond better if it's coming from someone with expertise in that area.

Not wishing to get too graphic about this, but I've always been curious.

Just exactly where do all those little fishies go to, once the procedure's been done? Or does it actually stop the production?

No, they just get reabsorbed by the body.

But surely they end up somewhere for a while, before being absorbed? This can't be a good thing for the dumping ground in the long term, can it?

Don't see how it would hurt the body at all.

Sperm are not excrement or urine, needing to be cleansed from the body.
They are merely proteins that quickly break down.

Do you ask where your saliva goes when you swallow? Take a sniff, where'd the boogers go if you don't blow them out?

What about if a man chooses to never ejaculate? The sperm simply die off in the testicles. Not much difference between that and traveling 1/2 inch.

We're not exactly talking about massive amounts of fluids vid. Hardly requires a dumping ground or holding tank.

Not sure if anyone suggested this, but I had an IUD placed after my son was born and it never failed me.

I still think hubby should get snipped, as it seems that you've taken care of it all this time.

Saliva and boogers would be immediately have most bacteria killed off by the sulphuric acid in the stomach, and then disposed of via the usual route.
Sperm on the other hand, deposited somewhere (area still not clear to me, as it is no longer in the testes) wouls surely just lie there until the body's system can gradually break it down. My concern is whether it lies there long enough for bacteria to multiply.
Men have to adhere to a pretty strict hygiene regime in order to, not to put too fine a point on it, avoid stinking the place out when they drop their shorts.
Sperm is perfectly OK when fresh, but well, you know where I'm going.

My worry is that sperm is being dumped on a daily basis into an area of the body that wasn't originally designed to cope with being a waste recycling plant. Have there ever been studies into long term effects of this?
I'm obviously thinking disease, testicular cancer rates, cancer of the surrounding areas, etc.